How many on here are really HPD? (for everyone)

Caster.
You describe it perfectly. And not that we would or want to sleep with everyone that pays us a compliment sexual or not but it is the ultimate for the sexual ones. For me if they get flat perverted about it it repulses me and gives me nothing.

More toned down sexual compliments looks or body language gave the most points for me because I would know they wanted me. And not only for sex even though that is the attention they were giving me right then. But to know they wanted to be with me in the most intimate way possible and they wanted me for their own and would end up loving me and not stop til they had was the ultimate high for me.

I know some nons might be thinking I was stupid to think they wanted me for more than sex but most did. Even the ones I slept with fell very hard and fast for me. And although short lived I would put all I had into them and a relationship until that hpd fleeing trait kicked in when they did start to fall in love with me.

I don't know how I learned to be good at loving and making someone feel amazing to fall in love with me but it
happened too much for me to think any different. Maybe by imitating movies or something I am unsure.

Whether this is true or not but I could tell by only a look if something more could come of just a meeting or anencounter of passing on the street or wherever. Perhaps that was my young hpd flawed thinking but in addition to the looks I had a lot to approach me and this intensified my high.

cacster wrote:HPDs are a product of their surroundings. If they have had their ego inflated - they will act more and more confident, hence, will lean towards being more sexually flirtatious. However, if they have had their ego shattered (even for 24 hours or less), they can be withdrawn into a shell on the inside, whilst trying to put on a brave face on the outside - and should anyone give them any attention - this is the period where they are prone to "dumpster diving", as it has been commonly referred to.

I think your description is perfect. This is also the fundamental quandary that breaks relationships though. What I mean is this:

When in a relationship, the ego stroking one gets from others comes at the expense of devaluing/rejecting the primary lover - because it tells them (as it would tell you if the shoes were reversed) they are not good enough.

Put another way - How would you feel if you were with someone and instead of giving you attention, they were focused on getting sexual attention from another man? Rejected? Hurt? Second?

The fundamental quandary.

When in a relationship, the ego stroking one gets from others comes at the expense of devaluing/rejecting the primary lover - because it tells them (as it would tell you if the shoes were reversed) they are not good enough.

Put another way - How would you feel if you were with someone and instead of giving you attention, they were focused on getting sexual attention from another man? Rejected? Hurt? Second?

The fundamental quandary.
xdude

Oh, I get it. But, don;t expect the vast majority of anyone with HPD to get it, though.

The difference? I am now an "Aware HPD".

I am aware that my emotions dictate my thoughts and actions... and I work very, very hard now to try and control it. When I was unaware - you have no idea how everyone else thinks so you think the way "you think" (you being the HPD) is the way everyone thinks.

Before, when I was "unaware", I did do all of the typical HPD things (males just tweak them slightly to females - but same premise and end-result).

At the time - I used to blame all of my exes for the break-ups. To me, it was ALWAYS their fault. But, year after year, relationship after relationship, every GF and every ex-GF used to tell me identical things during their over-the-top voice-raising rants borne through frustration. It's like all of my exes got together and compared notes. That's when the penny began to drop that maybe I am playing a role in all of this.

So, not for one second would I ever blame a "Non" for getting frustrated, upset, etc, with a HPD.

But, what Nons must remember is this - they are dealing - or have been dealing - with someone with a PD. They do not think like you.

Alas... Cheating. When a normal person cheats on their spouse, it means they don't love, nor care or respect their spouse anymore. But, that is not necessarily the case for someone suffering HPD. They can cheat yet not have one emotional bit of investment in the person they cheated with... Yet still be emotionally devoted to their spouse. IT is not an excuse... Nor a form of condoning cheating, but an explanation that HPDs do not think like normal people, hence, when Nons get upset, it is because they are using their own thought process as to why the HPD did what they did - and not use the thought process of a HPD.

At the same time - HPDs do destroy a lot of relationships and while at the time - the vast majority (if not all) will deny any responsibility whatsoever - because, no doubt, it will always be the other person's fault. Over time... with a bit of thinking - many HPDs will begin to concede that just maybe they made a mistake. Problem is, by then, the damage has typically been on a nuclear scale with zero chance of rebuilding.

When i was still bad, i didn't go for casual sex.
I think its filthy and dirty..sharing an intimate act with strangers.
That's why i never did one night stands!!!

Yuch!

What if they have disease and all that crap?

I would never have them one over me! Thats why before i was soo good at seducing..tempting and teasing guys until their balls are blue..but only up to that!

I only reserve sex for those i have relationships with.

Well to each his own...
I think i was ###$ up in the brain but i still respected my body
That's just me:)

Are you talking about MY bpd shell?

I only reserve sex for those i have relationships with.

Well to each his own...
I think i was ###$ up in the brain but i still respected my body
That's just me:)

PCM...

Ohhhhhh... I hear ya.

For years I tried being the good boy... But, in the end... My natural self took over.

But, may I say, you are the perfect example that it is not about sex or whoring around (or being the male whore), as the misnoma forecasts.

Simply, it is about the attention. Full stop.

Just so happens to have someone from the oppositie sex lusting over you is great attention!

cacster wrote:But, what Nons must remember is this - they are dealing - or have been dealing - with someone with a PD. They do not think like you.

Alas... Cheating. When a normal person cheats on their spouse, it means they don't love, nor care or respect their spouse anymore. But, that is not necessarily the case for someone suffering HPD. They can cheat yet not have one emotional bit of investment in the person they cheated with... Yet still be emotionally devoted to their spouse. IT is not an excuse... Nor a form of condoning cheating, but an explanation that HPDs do not think like normal people, hence, when Nons get upset, it is because they are using their own thought process as to why the HPD did what they did - and not use the thought process of a HPD.

cacster -

Yes, you've explained it well. I came to understand eventually that the woman I got involved with was playing by a different set of rules than I, and some of the reasons why. And yes in her mind there was a huge difference between her flirting, and my doing it.

^ very well explained!
I used to think like that before.

No emotional attachment or whatsoever.
Just void fillers...

Right now i'm happy with one coz' he gives me all i need,
that i don't need to look for attention elsewhere anymore.

..but it wasn't an easy process getting to where i am in right now.

I didn't think it was possible..but yes it was!

black and white thinking.

Or black and pink. Your Avie is gorgeous, Twistedmister. You have my full attention.

Emotion control? I do not work really hard to try to control anything. I do not even try.
I work hard to hear everything about my buddie's adventures. It is animating... jealousy is premature.