How many on here are really HPD? (for everyone)

I am not attempting to call out anyone on this board as I am honestly curious. But, I have noticed something: One of the symptoms of HPD is the tendency to be explicitly and/or overtly sexual. Now, this does not mean necessarily in the physical sense as it can also apply to the way in which one dresses, their topics in speech, and a few others. My understanding is that the idea is to use these expressions as a means of the HPD in drawing attention to themselves, controlling the situation, et. al.

What strikes me as odd, and what prompted me to post this, is that it seems the majority of posts in this forum deal with the HPD as a explicitly [physically] sexual with the numerous people. That is, they flirt and cheat on a regular basis. I know that one or two of the members on here are not this way, but everyone else either is or they say the HPD in their lives are.

It just seems odd that so many on here claim to be, or claim to have dealt with, the HPD who is overly sexualized and/or a cheater.

I mentioned before that I am not sure if my GF has HPD: she sure does have all the signs and I read many accounts on here and elsewhere that make me wonder if the OP was basing their story on an encounter with her. Now, my GF is highly sexualized, but to my knowledge, she has never cheated on me or anyone else in the past. I have suspicion she may have with her ex-husband, but that is only based on one thing she said that could be interpreted a thousand different ways (it was rather vague and ambiguous...not an admittance, but not a denial if you know what I mean).

My GF likes to talk sexually at inappropriate times and generally seems to act more like a young teenager about it than a full-grown adult, wants me to post risque things on her Wall (er, at least she used to. This subject got dropped awhile ago...but I'm sure she wouldn't mind), etc. But, she doesn't dress sexually or revealing or anything like that. In fact, her close tend to hide her body more than show it off if anything (basically, she dresses rather "normal"). She won't even dress provocatively if she goes to a club. She won't even wear a bikini to the beach. There was one time, though, earlier in the year, when she was going to go to a gaming convention and contemplated dressing in a scantly Anime costume to tease the 18 year old nerds, but that is the only instance I can think of.

Anyways, are the posters on here really HPD or experiencing HPD individuals? Or are they just experiencing someone who is overly sexualized, perhaps looking for or wanting the attention that such actions would bring, yet, for the most part, maybe they simply cannot say "no" but are not HPD?

1. There are both HPDs and NONS in this forum.
2. Many, probably most, posters use psuedonyms. Under the veil of anonymity, sex and other topics frequently considered private matters are probably discussed more often here than they would be at the office cooler in the bright of day where the speaker's identity would be discovered.

Best wishes!

Okies, for starters, I am HPD, but male.

No low-cut tops here... Instead, I will always dress real nice at work - And then charm the pants off all the female staff. The worse the female staff treat me - the more of an ambition it is to conquer them. Everytime I meet a new staff member (we have a zillion casual staff at our work) - they become a new long-term project. Slowly introduce my way in... Become friendly... Use charm... Build up their ego... Then use sexual innuendo. Its definitely not in-your-face, and I can do it without my bosses even being aware of me doing it (I am formerly banned from all female staff).

A lot of HPDs are subtle and cunning with their sexual provocativeness. It's not just like the slut at the nightclub with the gaping cleavage - its a lot more complex than that.

Plus, as soon as a HPD goes through a period of any rejection - they will revert to more BPD-style of symptoms and lose that overtly confident - almost NPD confidence.

HPDs are a product of their surroundings. If they have had their ego inflated - they will act more and more confident, hence, will lean towards being more sexually flirtatious. However, if they have had their ego shattered (even for 24 hours or less), they can be withdrawn into a shell on the inside, whilst trying to put on a brave face on the outside - and should anyone give them any attention - this is the period where they are prone to "dumpster diving", as it has been commonly referred to.

holy crap cacster that's bang on...

can I ask a dumb one about the withdrawing into a shell vs having that NPD style self-confidence...


sorry, this will take a bit to explain:

do you ever ... do you ever lets say get rejected after 2 years of investing in the same person... and (I told her up front i have a personality disorder) then she just cold stops talking to me randomly. blocks me and everything... It was has been very .. very painful actually. I figured from a christian girl i had a couple of mutual friends with (or at least I thought I had mutual friends with... i discovered they all blocked me and stopped talking to me like a week later...) I could expect to get an explanation or something... and I didn't even get one of that. I have been writing her every night for over a year and a half now. just like a good night email or whatever... and before in the past she has gotten upset when I have stopped... so anyways, I have been sending her a few emails and... she would change her profile photos a few hours after she got them just to let me know she got them but she isn't telling me why she has stopped talking to me.

normally I wouldn't care... but I proposed to this chick, i mean, i told her i loved her and i mean it.

she has done this not talking to me thing before... and usually after a week or two... i could figure out what i had done wrong and apologize... now after 2 years of talking to her/dating her... it's been like a month and a half... and instead i find out she is apparently now dating some "girl" ... (uh, ok? i don't believe it... but ok...)


... i just feel like cutting myself. ~ yes i use to do that when i was in highschool in hidden spots like on my ankles and stuff. and like... i have discovered for these kinds of heart pains, it just doesn't work to stop the pain...

and I can't keep tearing my body apart...

---> so about that shell.

do you guys ever like... fall back to some deep deep point of despair and then just ... I don't know how to describe it other than watching my emotions been to mask themselves up and you almost "WILL" your self to stop hurting anymore?

or is that "the process" of ego development and becoming "non-disordered" i am watching? or is that like... me just watching my heart hearden over permanently?

can someone explain that to me ~ did it even make sense?

It sounds like you're really struggling at the moment. It's important if you feel like injuring yourself that you keep yourself safe. If things are so bad that you feel isolated you really need to seek help from a therapist or doctor. There is also a self injury forum here, and it's very supportive.

If you feel that you could do with some support via messaging on here, please feel free to PM me. I am a good listener and understand HPD only too well as I'm a recovering HPD myself. I won't be on the forum for the Christmas period, but will get back to you as soon as I can. I'm not a therapist, but I can listen to you if you feel it would help.

One thing I find useful to do is to take things literally an hour at a time. Maybe you could say "Just for this hour I won't cut." You say yourself that it doesn't work to stop the pain.

You may need someone to share your pain with, someone who is expert in helping people to access the sources of their pain, and work on them, bit by bit, slowly and safely. A good therapist can help you to do this.

Spot on cacster. I did the same thing at work. Played the game. Elevated it to emailing (non-work email) and texting. Took it all the way to a certain point (never actually had sex with any of the women) and then hit the reset button. Once I felt I'd "won" the game. Would move on to someone new or let that one die off for a bit, and then start the cycle all over again.

Crucial,

I hope this helps a bit, but not sure if it will. Since every one of us are individuals in addition to having a PD, it can be such a variety of traits that each of us show.

Although on a daily basis, I am not hypersexual, nor dress provacatively, or flirt with men, it doesn't mean I am not HPD. I did however, flirt when I was younger, but I've learned not to.

When I WANT to be sexual though, I have a way about me that has yet to displease someone of how I am. I'm not for sure exactly what it is about me that makes me this way but I am very good at knowing what to do in a sexual provacative way. But to the public eye, this does not get shown. Even before marriage I had a way that drew men in that I didn't quite understand myself.

Now I realize part of that was HPD, although I have not been diagnosed.

So being overly sexual or flirty seems to be a way of life for many in this day and age and doesn't really make someone HPD. Caster did describe it well although this may not fit everyone to the letter, but in general yes.

I have no symptoms of BPD but SOME symptoms of HPD, but not in the extreme sense. Even in the age I am at now, I have it under control and not letting it control my life, but have no doubts what I would be capable of if I ever where to unleash it again in the world. Not saying I am the most beautiful, just I know what I can do.

I am very comfortable with myself now than I was at say 16, and I like myself. I don't feel I liked or loved myself back then, but didn't hate myself either.

Now I'm a career woman, wife, mother of three, and comfortable with myself and my flaws included. And what I consider flaws, other people just see as uniquness and think I am pretty or beautiful and that is their right to do. But I am not beautiful, I am just happy in myself and think that shines through for others that notice. My looks are unique and are not your typical Hollywood style actress looks, but a more eccentric look. So I'm good with me.

As far as cheating goes, millions of people cheat no matter if they have a PD or not. Lust takes over many under the right circumstances. Not all HPDs probably cheat because the ones that don't like sex aren't going to want to lead someone on and cheat because they don't like sex. But if they have a Boyfriend/Husband and they OVERLY FLIRT with other men....but they don't like sex, then the husband/boyfriend is their EXCUSE not to have sex with those they flirt with. Those that have sex on the brain and flirt and have sex with anyone will do so no matter if they are married or not and usually those have more of a NPD way of not hiding it which is why some Non's say on here they TALK ABOUT the ones they are messing with a lot. Like they want to be found out or something.

Possibilities are limitless of all the differences in HPD women and no one can say someone is or isn't HPD except the person themself and doctors that make the evaluations. But even doctors are only speculating because they go off of what the patient TELLS THEM or what the family tells them.

Not sure if your question has been answered, but hope this helps.

Scarlett

Hey crucial, my two cent:

Someone who is promiscuous is not necessarily histrionic. Let me introduce you to Doris: she has a stable open main relationship and several lovers, like her partner, and they share one of them, not to mention the encounters here and there. Doris has no disordered personality. She is not overly sexualized. She is picky with her companions. She has a certain lifestyle.

Someone who is histrionic is not necessarily promiscuous. Look at me: I am disordered and I am training to keep the distance. I have a disordered friend and I will not fall for her, because this would spoil our relation. I have had that over and over, I know all the ways and means, and I am tired of it. I am sticking to a buddy.

Doris is doing the right thing. Me too. 

Why sexual attention?

Simple. It's the single, biggest ego boost a HPD can receive.

Imagine a points structure. A smile is worth x amount of points. A compliment worth more. Sexual attention is at the very, very top. there is nothing like it. And, yes, it is great.

I lurve getting attention from females I am not even interested in. The important thing is: that they are interested in me. And, if they are not... It devastates me.. And I will wipe them off the face of the planet.

Its not the sexuality that is important.

It is the ego-boosting jolt for a HPD that is important. It just so happens that a sexually-based compliment is the ultimate much-vitally-needed ego-boost a HPD can receive....