Let's be honest about how HPD our society really is!

Cirvante wrote:Good way to raise your children. Never give them any privacy, always control them, monitor them. Children love that, really. They will surely become decent and respectful people in the future, and it is all thanks to you. Gee!

Hey it usually works. The vast majority of overcontrolled children never snap and go crazy with a machine gun.

I've come to the conclusion that kids who enjoy being with their families are kids that won't be ###$ up. Everyone I know who is "normal" keeps in contact with their families on a regular basis, knows what's going on... as opposed to me and probably everyone else here who couldn't give a $#%^

I am taking a class called "Women in History" in college. I am the only guy in a class of 25. Last week, we all talked about how Contraception was "the best invention" ever for women because it allowed them to be in control of their reproduction and thus slut it up with tons of guys.

I fought back the urge to puke for 3 hours. It was terrible. Luckily, there are only 3-4 hot ones, but still, it was so repulsive. Women are supposed to be virtuous creatures. It's disgusting, they started talking about how happy they were they could have random sex with multiple partners without fear of childbirth. So disgusting.

sfguy75x wrote:

Cirvante wrote:Good way to raise your children. Never give them any privacy, always control them, monitor them. Children love that, really. They will surely become decent and respectful people in the future, and it is all thanks to you. Gee!

Hey it usually works. The vast majority of overcontrolled children never snap and go crazy with a machine gun.

Says which statistic?

Cirvante wrote:Good way to raise your children. Never give them any privacy, always control them, monitor them. Children love that, really. They will surely become decent and respectful people in the future, and it is all thanks to you. Gee!

I have to argue with you on that one - or rather, your sarcasm is inadvertently accurate. Small children NEED to be constantly monitored. They need clear, fair, well enforced rules. They need structure and discipline. The reason so many little kids are such unholy terrors is that they lack that structure and discipline.

As a healthy child grows and matures, they internalise the discipline that they will need to perform as functional adults. Self-discipline is a great asset and, indeed, early self-discipline is a strong predictor of success in later life.

When the child gets close to adolescence, start giving them more responsibility. Give them the chance to prove themselves. Make sure they know they can always turn to you for help or guidance, but that they own their actions and their consequences, both good and bad. Once the child has proven themselves to be trustworthy, then you can start to trust them. Their freedom is earned as a natural consequence of that trust. At the end of adolescence, when they are no longer dependent on you as a parent, they will be able to take control of their own lives, having learned how to

This is a process that seems to bewilder many people with personality disorders, possibly because in their dysfunctional childhoods they never underwent this process themselves. They lack the self-discipline and compassion to moderate their own behaviour in consideration of the feelings and needs of others. They don't understand how trust is formed, and so cannot see the connection between their actions and the loss of trust, instead imagining trust as something that a partner must bestow on them regardless of their subsequent actions.

TatteredKnight wrote:I have to argue with you on that one - or rather, your sarcasm is inadvertently accurate. Small children NEED to be constantly monitored. They need clear, fair, well enforced rules. They need structure and discipline. The reason so many little kids are such unholy terrors is that they lack that structure and discipline.

Maybe I should have used the word teenagers instead of children. I mostly agree with what you said, but I also think what scarlett does to her children is really fucked up. Constantly monitoring a teenager and dictating how she has to live her live? That's disgraceful.

You can't even justify that with being christian and living in a village anymore.

Nothing wrong with keeping normal kids sheltered, Cirvantes. They don't think like us. Every kid I know who abuses drugs, sex, money, all of the above - have neglectful or naive parents. While overinvolvement sucks, and I know because my mom always had to stick her face into every single thing in my life, it is only a problem when the mom forgets who her child actually IS, and who they are becoming. My mom doesn't really know me at all. That's the problem.

Oh and Scarlett - your husband probably, and i'm just saying this because this is how I am, doesn't want any other guys looking at you. Unless he has some sort of inferiority complex. I would want my wife pretty in public, hot in the house. Actually, I would want my wife ugly in public. She's my wife. Mother of my kids. Who the ###$ cares what others think she looks like? She's MY wife.

sfguy75x wrote:So you're a woman with a male HPD ex? Interesting, not so many of those. How did he build his fan club? How do you know he had HPD (vs NPD, for example)?

Well, he was professionally diagnosed with HPD as opposed to NPD. Of course there's some overlap, but he really does fit all the criteria. I guess the big difference for me is he seems to crave drama and attention rather than power and recognition. Also, he is extremely flamboyant and promiscuous. Though not, so far as I know, bisexual.

His profession provided the fan club.... would rather not specify...

caro

caro81VA wrote:criteria. I guess the big difference for me is he seems to crave drama and attention rather than power and recognition.

OK makes sense.

caro81VA wrote:His profession provided the fan club.... would rather not specify...

I see, yes I suppose that's the easiest way for a man to put together a fan club, unless he is really really charming, or comes from a rich family.

It would have to be a profession where he would come into contact with a lot of females. Some of the most obvious ideas are anything in the adult film or modeling or fashion industry. Other possibilities are musician or athlete. Some other professions like politics or corporate management can also do that but then the man needs status and power and more NPDish traits.

Cirvante wrote:Maybe I should have used the word teenagers instead of children. I mostly agree with what you said, but I also think what scarlett does to her children is really fucked up. Constantly monitoring a teenager and dictating how she has to live her live? That's disgraceful.

Yeah, once they're in their mid teens they should be taking some responsibility for themselves and you should be giving them some freedom. That doesn't mean you shouldn't be keeping an eye on them to make sure they're OK, though. And 'dictating how she has to live her life' by keeping her underage daughter out of situations where she'll be under huge social pressure to have sex? That's simply responsible parenting however you cut it.

Think of it like teaching a kid to ride a bike. They start off with trainer wheels, carefully supervised in the yard (childhood). Then you take the trainer wheels off and you run alongside them holding onto the bike (early teens). Once they're balancing by themselves you let go of the bike and let them ride it... but you keep running alongside them because they're new at this and you'll need to be there to catch them if they fall (mid teens). After a bit of practice at this whole 'being an adult' thing, you can back off and just watch them from a distance, so that you're there if they call for help (late teens). After a bit more practice they're fully autonomous. This is when you say "I will be here if you need me but you are your own person now, live well and take care." And you back off and let them make their choices, hopefully guided by whatever wisdom you taught them while they were in your care.

Hi Cervante...

Scarcasm is your best quality it seems, right??

If you take the time to review many writings and interviews by teenagers, you will see that they are honest in what happened in their life when they turn to drugs, alcohol, and sex at too young of an age and what do you think the number one answer is??

OUR PARENTS GAVE US TOO MUCH TRUST.

My mother teaches in a small but not extremely small school and there were about 12 girls pregnant from 6th grade to 12th grade. My mother tried to address the local town Rotary club that there was an epidemic and what they could do to change it. 5 of these girls were high school girls, from so called "good" families, not "at risk" families or broken homes etc. She asked them what do you think led you to get pregnant, and 4 of those five stated our parents gave us too much trust.

Teen years aren't the time to slack off, they are the time to be more involved and to steer them in the right direction. I only wish my parents hadn't have been so selfish and maybe I wouldn't have made the choices I did. But I won't make that mistake with my kids. Our eldest daughter who is in high school is at the top of her class, ranked nationally on four subjects in the 95th percentile of all students in the US. She is good at sports, sweet, and is basically and "old soul". Now, I think somewhere along the way we have done something right. Her younger siblings are well on their way of being like her as well.

I am sorry Cirvante, and yes, I know how you hate pitty, but someone did you an injustice and perhaps that is why you don't know how to be happy. But while the rest of us are on the pursuit of just that, happiness, I recommend you might listen without being so judgmental. But I do find humor in your statements because I can always count on you for the pessimistic comments. Kind of like Downer Debbie I think her name was from SNL.