Let's be honest about how HPD our society really is!

It's been 2 years since I've been divorced from my HPD ex-wife. Looking back, I can now see all of the manipulations, deceit, lies, affairs, and double mindedness. I've come to realize that our whole society is full of these people. Hear me out on this one. I'm 38 and I've been in 6-7 serious relationships in my life. Everyone had HPD traits. There were lies about old boyfriends; there were affairs; there was attention seeking from every male in their sight; there were long lists of ex sexual partners (ie. history of promiscuity) etc. Let's all be honest here. The days of our Grandparents are over. No more married to the same person for 50 years and building a stable life. We are an insecure society. We have very little stability in our lives these days. I believe this is effecting everyone. I've worked in the health profession for the last 15 years. I notice that my patients who are in there 20's-50's are very unstable when it comes to family and mental health. The 80-90 year old patient's seem to have a much more stable home life and appear mentally healthier. What I'm trying to say is that our generation is doing something majorly wrong. Does anyone else feel this way?

koos12 wrote:There were lies about old boyfriends; there were affairs; there was attention seeking from every male in their sight; there were long lists of ex sexual partners (ie. history of promiscuity) etc.

Yes it does seem that all women's attitude has become increasingly geared towards the HPD realm. This does not mean every woman is HPD of course, but it does mean that this new age is controlled by women. All women lie, most cheat, all love attention and it is so ridiculously easy to get laid as a woman (compared to a male) that it is no surprise they have a long list of partners. Part of this is due to the fact that women have become increasingly fickle and led by their emotions and lack accountability for their actions.

It truly is painful to come to the harsh revelation that women AREN'T 'sugar and spice and everything nice' and that the whole fairytale marriage lifestyle is a load of crap myth perpetrated by the feminist media. In this day and age I would say 5% of women are worthy of marriage and even if you do manage to find this type of rare woman there is still a chance your marriage could fail and you lose half of your money and property. ###$ that.

Oh well I'd rather live in reality than in dream-fairytale-land. My HPD helped me come to this realisation and although she certainly didn't mean it, I am grateful for that.

In short I completely agree with you koos12. But the thing that's really hard to grasp is that it is just the way our society is going (IMO - I live in the US by the way) and there's nothing anyone can do to stop it now. It comes down to parenting, marriage and family (all just my humble opinion) and plenty more, but if you stand up and think you can fight it you're going to get steam rolled. You can just be yourself, raise your children as well as possible, believe in what you believe in and let others do what they're going to do. To quote a line from what I thought was a great movie: No Country for Old Men
"You can't stop what's comin"

R.I.P. Llewelyn

Hey Koos,

I do agree with you. And it is a choice of how we live, marry, and parent. It all starts in the home. If there isn't something good in the core of your family then everything scatters and lands where it lands. There has to be something solid, and teaching your kids is the first step to changing. But we are in the minority on that. I wanted a WAY better life for my girls than what I had it growing up because it was bad. Horirible bad.

We teach them respect, but in today's society, children as a whole do not respect or even know what it is. We don't let our children run all over and do what they want, they don't have cell phones or computers to do what they want. If they make a call, it is from our home phone or my cell phone, the computer is in the kitchen so they can't sneak and look up or contact people without our knowledge. We monitor every where they go and we always know who they are with.

We are from a very small town in america and we and one other family are the ONLY ones that do this for our kids. That is not an exageration. Our oldest is almost 16 and she has been bullyed repeatedly at school because they girls hate me because I keep my daughter good. These girls had a sex club going on the last couple of years and F buddies is what they call it now. And they try to tear our daughter down because we dont' allow her to go with them so they can turn her like they are. Mothers have accused me of being self righteous because of it. One tried calling me a hypocrite because I was pregnant before I was married. I said it is not hypocritical to want my daughter to turn out better than I did. I only wished my parents hadn't of been selfish and left me to raise my brother and sister, for me to grow up too early and have sex too early and get pregnant early. BUT, from the second I became pregnant at 18, after getting over the initial shock of being pregnant, I changed for her. I knew my child would never have to know what it is like to question the love of her parents.

she would have two unselfish parents that would teach her to be good. And that is exactly what she is. Very smart, pretty, inside and out, and GOOD.

BUT... it is a struggle to keep our girls that way. Look at TV, we can't always monitor TV, but we do our best. The tv's they have in their room do not get reception. they are only for movies that we approve of that they watch in there. All other tv is watched in the living room with us. BUT again...

Take Victoria Secret. Victoria secret is for who?? not for women, but for men. Now don't all raise your hands at once, but how many of you men have bought things for your wives or your wives shop there??? OK, then that means that you want her to be a little slutty sort of right?? Well, okay, so if it is behind bedroom doors then that is totally up to you. BUT............. VS shows those commercials of WHAT MEN WANT............ give me a break, who could take something as Godly as an angel, and put it on some "slut" of a woman and show her nakedness but do it in the form of something God created to be wholly??

How sick is that really?? And yes I know I don't know the women personally so I don't know that they are sluts in real life only that they are trying to seduce men with their attire, their bodies, putting their fingers in their mouths and all the things that men love for their women to do (so in my book it makes you a slut to do that and I know most of you will agree because THAT IS WHAT YOU SAY HPDs are for the most part)......... and the comes on a commercial in the middle of an innocent family show on a weeknight with our children sitting right there. It is all about SEX on tv. yes, we can do away with tv if we choose, BUT, then you go to the mall and you are christmas shopping and what do you have to walk by?? THE VS store that has MURALS of the same slutty women on the wall before you enter the store still trying to seduce you, still trying to tell you that is what you have to do TO SCORE A MAN OR KEEP YOUR MAN.

I could go on and on, but that is one of my pet peeves is the sex crap on tv or movies. It ruins the movie to put that out there. And that is why our society is going to hell in a hand basket because of CHOICES. Just my soap box, sorry for the ramble.

Scarlett1939 wrote:We teach them respect, but in today's society, children as a whole do not respect or even know what it is. We don't let our children run all over and do what they want, they don't have cell phones or computers to do what they want. If they make a call, it is from our home phone or my cell phone, the computer is in the kitchen so they can't sneak and look up or contact people without our knowledge. We monitor every where they go and we always know who they are with.
[...]
Mothers have accused me of being self righteous because of it. One tried calling me a hypocrite because I was pregnant before I was married.

Despite the rough start your parents gave you, you've chosen to be a real parent to your girls. Stick to your guns, you're doing the right thing. In 10 or 20 years time the other mothers will be wondering why their daughters have turned into shallow, skanky lightweights while yours have a real sense of self-worth and self-respect.

I would also recommend talking with them (when they're reaching dating age, if you haven't already) about issues such as boundaries, self-respect, and recognising personality disorders and emotional abuse. Forewarned is fore-armed, and when I have children I will certainly try to give them the tools they need to avoid repeating at least some of my mistakes.

About the content on TV, I totally agree. Much of the relationship behaviour shown on TV is appalling, and I wouldn't choose to remain friends with anyone who behaved like that. Also, in advertising, the overt theme is "buy our product and you'll get attention from women like these" but there's a strong, damaging counterpoint of "if you're a woman, you have to behave in a sexual manner in order to attract men who buy these products". Blech.

As for Victoria's Secret - it depends. A man buying his partner some sexy lingerie to wear when the two of them are alone together is one thing (and quite alright in my book - it's appropriate in that sort of intimate occasion). It'd obviously be hypocritical if he was buying it for her to wear around other men and then accusing her of being a tramp when she attracts attention from other men.

Tattered,

I am going to do just that of sticking to that. When someone tells me that I am too strict or whatever that I am going to cause my children to rebel. I simply tell them to think about this........ would I rather then rebel now at 15 to 16 years old, start partying, having sex, getting pregnant or disease, before they have the good decision making skills that develop toward their 20's, or would I rather take the chance that they make it past the hormonal years and go into college and hope that they remember their good upbringing and teaching and possibly even if they do a few things to sew their oats, that they will always return to what they were taught. That is what the Bible teaches. Teach a child to do right and he will not steer from it. right?

Already started long ago teaching them and pointing out things for them to help with self respect and life and with my oldest have started showing her boundaries. She is very beautiful (naturally) and has already taken a lot of slack for that, and we are teaching them about being humble and not to brag or boast, and to not to try to take anything from anyone just because you can. Our oldest turns 16 this month and she has a boy that she talks to from a religious affilation that she met in the summer and they talk all of the time although they don't get to see each other. We are going to be meeting him and his parents this next week. We tend to make sure that boundaries are very clear of what we expect too as well from the other parents. Neither of them will be driving on their own for a while so it isn't as if they will have opportunity to be alone, but I started talking on that when she was pretty young when she would hear things from other kids of what they do.

Don't get me wrong about VS. I am not saying that married people shouldn't be able to have fun behind closed doors. Lord knows I am NOTHING of a prude like that. I am saying that they would sell just as much of thier clothing if they didn't use actual real women that ARE trying to be seductive to men. Real women don't look like that, nor should we have to. Especially mothers don't have time to primp and prime themselves and basically paint themselves up to look like that. On that part of it I do see that it is wicked. My husband bought me one thing from a similar store one time, but it wasn't the garb stuff, it was a nice pj silk set that fits my persoanality more. We do joke that why would I spend lots of money on that attire when it doesn't stay on for long and just ends up on the floor. That is just not my thing as it is for some. But I stand by what I said about men wanting their women to be sort of like those women so they can lust, but I do know that they don't want others doing the same to their women and I agree with you that it would be hypocritical to buy that for them to wear and then accuse them of being slutty or whatever when other men look.

It's so true, but it's not only women who are more selfish and spoiled than ever, boys are too. We're raising a whole generation of narcissists. So maybe they deserve each other?

The women do have the advantage of feminism run wild though. Every time you turn on the TV there's some special report about an abused woman or a woman who was beaten by her boyfriend. It's just easier to make men the bad guys because men are more likely to be physically abusive, and talking about HPD women is too complicated for the average channel surfer, especially since society still expects men to be silent cowboys who deal with their pain without showing it, although I think things might be different when today's children become adults.

I do agree that you have to look pretty hard to find a woman worth marrying... but hasn't that always been true? I think the only difference between the past and today is that you can't beat the woman anymore to make them behave.

agree with you sfguy about women having somewhat of an advantage, so far as society recognizing and condemning male abusers more than female abusers.

example, one time my hpd ex called the cops during a confrontation. I think he did it to heighten the drama and expand his audience. But the cops were making fun of some of his accusations -- I think especially since he weighs twice what I do. Cops referred to me alternately as his "tiny" and (sarcastically) "big, bad" wife.

now, I was in no way being violent. but I could see where that same attitude could work against you guys, with your HPD women playing the victim.

I don't know that I would call it feminism though. Maybe equal parts practicality (ok, men are typically gonna be larger and stronger) and lack of recognition of how abusive some women can be. I'm not even sure men are more likely to be physically abusive, as you suggest. Wouldn't suprise me if it was about 50/50 (but men reported it less often).

Oh. and I am SO ignoring your last comment.

caro81VA wrote:example, one time my hpd ex called the cops during a confrontation. I think he did it to heighten the drama and expand his audience.

So you're a woman with a male HPD ex? Interesting, not so many of those. How did he build his fan club? How do you know he had HPD (vs NPD, for example)?

caro81VA wrote:Oh. and I am SO ignoring your last comment.

Hehe, fair enough, it wasn't intended for a female HPD victim.
But the serious point I was making was that in the old days, a woman who was scared of her husband's anger, couldn't easily get a divorce or call the cops, etc. would control her behavior more carefully, making HPD behaviors less likely to be expressed. It explains why it seems a lot more common today.

Scarlett1939 wrote:We teach them respect, but in today's society, children as a whole do not respect or even know what it is. We don't let our children run all over and do what they want, they don't have cell phones or computers to do what they want. If they make a call, it is from our home phone or my cell phone, the computer is in the kitchen so they can't sneak and look up or contact people without our knowledge. We monitor every where they go and we always know who they are with.

Good way to raise your children. Never give them any privacy, always control them, monitor them. Children love that, really. They will surely become decent and respectful people in the future, and it is all thanks to you. Gee!

Scarlett1939 wrote:That is what the Bible teaches.

How cliche!