Current boyfriends has HPD (i think)

Hey,
i am new to this forum and just recently came across this disorder and my boyfriends ex has all the hallmarks.
i am worried.
I am worried because i know how manipulative these people can be and am aware of the nature of the relationship they once had.
From what i have gleaned from our conversations about her/them theirs was a stromy passionate and ultimately heartbreaking love affair, i have no doubt she was a legend in bed.
they were very much in love but the realtionship was wrought with suicide 'attempts', she claimed he had broken her ribs, attempts at SERIOUSLY damaging his reputation with really base claims, cheating, but yet they got back together time and time again.
At the start of my relationship with this guy she was obsessed. we would be lying in bed and his phone would be going off constantly, nonstop like. Then a few weeks later she told him she was emigrating to some far off country and he would never see her gain, this ended in a suicide threat the day before her departure. He was sad and forlorn at her impending departure but i reassured him that from what little i knew of her my guess is she will be back soon enough. And she was!
then one time we were out and she happened to be in the same place and he wanted to avoid her and if we did bump into her i was to play 'just a friend' so as not to make her 'turn odd'. HARRUMPH.

Now in the past few month all this turbulence has apparently ceased and she is over her 'rough period'. Now They text each other and sometimes talk on the phone and i am ######6 fretting. bigtime.

I love this guy very much and i am fearful as to where this is heading.
I know he loves me and he is a decent good guy but i am uneasy with this contact and worry that he will be manipulated by her beguiling ways.
i have approached him with my concerns but for other reasons (we are both extrememly reticent) we dont talk about it much and blah balh blarrrrghhhhhh.!!!

Deep down i want to scream 'get the ###$ away from her, dont you see?' but society dictates that i mustnt do that.


any advice?

cluedo wrote:Hey,
i am new to this forum and just recently came across this disorder and my boyfriends ex has all the hallmarks.
i am worried.
I am worried because i know how manipulative these people can be and am aware of the nature of the relationship they once had.
From what i have gleaned from our conversations about her/them theirs was a stromy passionate and ultimately heartbreaking love affair, i have no doubt she was a legend in bed.
they were very much in love but the realtionship was wrought with suicide 'attempts', she claimed he had broken her ribs, attempts at SERIOUSLY damaging his reputation with really base claims, cheating, but yet they got back together time and time again.
At the start of my relationship with this guy she was obsessed. we would be lying in bed and his phone would be going off constantly, nonstop like. Then a few weeks later she told him she was emigrating to some far off country and he would never see her gain, this ended in a suicide threat the day before her departure. He was sad and forlorn at her impending departure but i reassured him that from what little i knew of her my guess is she will be back soon enough. And she was!
then one time we were out and she happened to be in the same place and he wanted to avoid her and if we did bump into her i was to play 'just a friend' so as not to make her 'turn odd'. HARRUMPH.

Now in the past few month all this turbulence has apparently ceased and she is over her 'rough period'. Now They text each other and sometimes talk on the phone and i am ######6 fretting. bigtime.

I love this guy very much and i am fearful as to where this is heading.
I know he loves me and he is a decent good guy but i am uneasy with this contact and worry that he will be manipulated by her beguiling ways.
i have approached him with my concerns but for other reasons (we are both extrememly reticent) we dont talk about it much and blah balh blarrrrghhhhhh.!!!

Deep down i want to scream 'get the ###$ away from her, dont you see?' but society dictates that i mustnt do that.


any advice?

Get the clue. He is not over her yet. The proofs are he's texting her, he was upset that she was leaving (albeit for a short while), he wanted you to let her know that you're 'just a friend', and he doesn't want to discuss with you your concerns.

Make it clear to him that what he's doing is disrespectful towards you and be ready to dump him if he doesn't do something about it.

Whether she's HPD or not does not change the fact your boyfriend is disrespecting you.

but..emmm....he bought me an ipod?
you are right, its just hard to fathom. ###$ this.

i dont think hes aware of this disorder, how do i open his eyes??

Hi, again.

Could you please tell me what the point of you telling him she has HPD would be? What is it you expect by telling him?

obviously because hes being manipulated by her time and time again. and hes oblivious to it.


obviously.

and so he could gain an understanding of why she behaves like this rather than being utterly clueless and hurt when she does.

cluedo wrote:and so he could gain an understanding of why she behaves like this rather than being utterly clueless and hurt when she does.

Sorry, dear, but I don't believe that's the real reason why you wish to tell him.

Be honest and straightforward. Nothing wrong with that.

You simply want him to stop contact with her. You want him to think that she is defective and is not worthy of his time. You want his full attention back.

But as I said before, he isn't over her ... and he will not be over her overnight, even if you tell him she has HPD (in your opinion). In fact, I don't recommend telling him that she does. It'll only put you at the risk of sounding crazy and jealous to him (well, you are jealous, anyway).

Again, he is disrespecting you with his behaviour towards you. Forget about him and move on, or it'll cause you even more troubles.

yeah i am jealous.
thats why we dont talk about it often, i dont want to seem jealous and crazy as you put it.

you seem to have chip on your shoulder and have been spurned before.

i do not want any chips, i would like to be chip free.

so basically your advice is- hes not over her, dump him.

thats not very helpful. at all.

i woukld wager that awareness might lead to closure, on his part.
and yeah, it would give me peace of mind.

'dear'