Feel like a huge ass - and cant cry!

mylife wrote:Golden,

I hear what you are saying. Actually I have made no contact with him since that last incident. I am doing well over it too. Part of my asking for advice is that I have extreme anxiety and afterall this is an HPD forum. The advice that i receive here is reassurance and really does help me GET OVER the situation not more into it. This forum is one of the only places that I can go to and feel BETTER about the situation....I am not naive here. I am not dumb just acting stupid. Lots of people come here and ask how to get over or get back at their HPDs....So I am a HPD asking how to get over and get back at a NPD. Albeit, I am a little more obsessive about it (which is why I probably also carry an OCD diagnosis)

MyLife- I am not sure if feeling better about it this way helps more than a lets say a mophine injection for a cancer patient. Also even people who want to "get back" at PDs deserve the same treatment as I recommended for you. Its like asking to punish a pile of manure for making you dirty. The manure acts according to its nature- and if you go out to pick a fight with it, you end up getting even dirtier. Just a clarification- I dont have anything against the pile of manure in this story

"A primary sociopath would have by theory a percentage of genetic predisposition to ASPD. So whatever type of household he came from he would still portray some of what is typically associated with ASPD right. But he would still dispite being employed in a good for society job. And by nature have that criminal element. What's funny is people point out the good for society job as if the individual is somehow different then the one working in a book store or not at all. Society judges in odd way's."

Hmmm, I think the main point of the judgement is that while the sociopath is still a sociopath they at the very least surpress their natural predisposition towards rule breaking ie crime which hurts society and sometimes puts them in jail/prison.

Aside from the few treatments devised by Hare thats pretty much all that society can hope for sociopaths.

That someone guides them towards a non harmful path when they are young and teaches them in such a way that they can come to believe in this path moreso than the rule breaking one.

"A ball-peen hammer a straight razor and a vice-grip.

Seriously this site wasnt intended to be a place to come and get advice on getting back at someone. The fact people come here for that and do get the advice is a matter of those helping them hasnt been brought to the adimin's attention. I dont think that would be tolerated."

Hmmm, well viscious swearing is allowed here by the admin as Sean has pointed out to us in the past that he likes to allow people to get things off their chest so long as they don't overdo it.

On most other online forums this is absolutely not allowed as parents write in and complain about it nonstop as they don't want their children to see such things.

The point being this forum is and has been different from the norm in many ways of what it will allow.

Anyway though mylife's phrasing was crude I don't believe she means to "get back" at this man so to speak in a way that could put her behind bars.

She simply is looking for advice on how to take the power back over the NPD in this relationship as by being an HPD she is locked into a desire to conquer him much like a drug addict is addicted to their drug of choice and feels they must keep seeking it out as the need is ingrained in them now from the addiction.

People come to the HPD forum most often to learn and heal from the pain of their experience or to learn how to divorce an HPD or learn how to get to an HPD's heart so they can have a relationship with one for whatever reason.

The information of how to deal with an HPD or NPD if you want to have a succesful relationship with one isn't inherently evil information to give.

It becomes evil when the intent of the person who wants such information is evil.

Both mylife and this NPD are locked into their behaviours as it is a personality disorder they both suffer from.

It is their nature to try and find ways to conquer eachother moreso than an evil intent.

Here at the forum we have helped many HPD victims take back the power in their HPD relationship through information.

Mylife has helped in this.

Helping her take back the power in her relationship is only fair and shows we do not discriminate against helping HPD's here.

Fair is fair.

Olson,

Yes I know how to drive in all sense of the word. I dont think I come here for advice on how to get back at someone...better yet, how to understand someone...which is what I would think the purposes of this board are for. I am not on here asking how to kill someone...just how to deal more effectively with certain types of personalities.

Kx - Thank you

I feel like people dont like me on here and that hurts me. I try to help people with insight into HPD as much as I can, but sometimes (well most times) I need help too.
I feel like people are being extra hard on me because I am asking dysfunctional questions...YES I KNOW THEY ARE DYSFUNCTIONAL...but KX you summed it up well - its like an addict. And truthfully THIS BOARD helps curb my addiction! When I am feeling anxious or wanting to react to something, I often come here and read and get calmed down. So in reality, this board helps me get over the addiction.

And I am dramatic - THIS IS A HPD MESSAGE BOARD - so if my comments are loosely stated, such as, "get back at him" then you need to understand that I do not mean evilness or pain and suffering. Remeber - a HPD can tell you one minute that they hate you and two hours later forget that they said it. They never meant that they actually HATED YOU, rather they were just upset.

I have said nothing out of line on this board and it offends me that someone would jump in and make me feel bad about writing here. And what makes me even more upset, is that someone would jump in and even think about making critical statements about KX - because KX is the MAN around here. I swear as knowledgeable as he is - I am wondering if he is secret HPD woman

See, this is an example of the impressionistic ways of a HPD. I felt really good about these boards but now that I feel embarrassed for being myself and being "scolded" I am hesitant to be here any longer. I am NOT threatening to stop posting here, but it just made me feel bad.

Thanks to those of you have been supportive of me and helpful. What some may think is helping me be destructive is actually helping me through a hard time....cuz my therapist is not available 24/7 !

Nicely Done

"Part of my asking for advice is that I have extreme anxiety

I understand this. We do have a good selection of Anxiety forum.

So I am a HPD asking how to get over and get back at a NPD.
A ball-peen hammer a straight razor and a vice-grip.

Seriously this site wasnt intended to be a place to come and get advice on getting back at someone. The fact people come here for that and do get the advice is a matter of those helping them hasnt been brought to the adimin's attention. I dont think that would be tolerated."

You find this to be a scolding?. And your in a relationship with a NPD?. I found it comical and it wasnt intended to be a scolding. So relax. I understand HPD are dramatic and sensitive but there was no bad intenet.

KX is a big boy and as adult's if he took offense he'll voice them to me as i would to him. No need to for you to take offense on his part.

Remeber - a HPD can tell you one minute that they hate you and two hours later forget that they said it. They never meant that they actually HATED YOU, rather they were just upset.

That's very informative.

"I understand this. We do have a good selection of Anxiety forum."

Depression and anxiety are a part of the HPD condition.

Its just as well mylife talk about them here as on a specific forum for those two conditions since her anxiety and depression are HPD specific.

Since this forum has helped her the most in dealing with those two HPD related conditions and since those conditions go with HPD her issues of anxiety and depression are on topic here.

Thank you for your helpful suggestions though Jamie.

Always like to help .

I'm sorry i didnt realize her anxiety was HPD related. The anxiety forum's simply wouldnt do then. Your right this would be the best place. How silly of me .

Oh and by the way mylife. Nobody has questioned KX's capability in dealing with the HPD's. I think KX infact should strictly deal with the HPD's because he so good at it. I refured someone to him myself because your exactly right he is the man, in here. And if i knew anyone with a HPD question or had one myself i wouldnt ask any other person.

Where oh where did i make a critical statement about KX?....Interesting.

Mylife

I'm very curious. How helpful has this forum been for you.

I'm not asking for an opinion about the forum, but I'm sure you have history here. Do feel as though you've made progress, and how? What goes through your mind when people say to just walk away? Stop contacting him? Do you get angry at those people who offer such advice?

mylife: Are you still with your husband? If so, can't he give you the attention you so desperately crave?

Where do you suppose this inner emptiness/boredom originates from?

Jay -

I am not married - and wont get married because I know I cannot handle that. I have been engaged and that was close enough. I am with someone for 13 years but not married. I live alone.

It is not simply attention, it is the challenge part of it. The attention is part of the conquest - so as much as I WISH that i could be fulfilled by him, I cannot. I pray all the time that I could just be happy with my partner. If I dont have the "affairs" i find myself depressed, anxious and bored.

I dont know if I feel empty. I guess I do. And boredom comes from lack of a challenge. Where does it come from? I dont know. I had an unstable family life so i am not accustomed to stability. There was always some excitement and drama in my home so I suppose I have grown to need and enjoy that. My family is not "usual" they are wealthy and well known in my area....we were always doing something unusual or exciting.

I recently had a good talk with my therapist and we concluded that more than anything I have always wanted to be "different". And I mean that in the sense of where I live, what I do for a living, who I date, what car I drive, what I wear etc....I definitely have my own "flavor" sotospeak. Kind of a standout. Anyways, lately I have not been going out as much because I am not feeling cute. i HATE when there are pretty woman out and I dont feel good about myself. That is the whole, "uncomfortable when not the center of attention" problem. We recently hired new people at my work and I was WRECK worrying that someone would be cuter than me or more stylish...when I found that was not the case, I felt relief. As I write this I realize how foolish it sounds to base my whole self-worth on looks and attention....I actually do think I am interesting and entertaining...plus im smart too....but I use looks to actually gain initial attention.