Feel like a huge ass - and cant cry!

Ok...so I really got out of hand with my texting tonight to the NPD boy. Yesterday we had amazing sex and so today I just blew him up with texts asking to see him.....now, this is not new for me. I typically text him like 20 times before he ever gets back to me....well tonight I was up to my old antics and he snapped.

After sending about about 6 texts to him with no response in return....We had the following exchange:

me: At least just tell me if I might see you tonight so that I can stop texting u.

him: I have my kids and u r ######6 bugging. Let it go. Stop

me: I am sorry. You are right. I am wrong. I ###$ up. I will of course respect you. Is it ok if I call you sometime in the future without being an ass?

him: just cool out its pissin me off

me: I hear you. Its only cause i liked you. you only have to talk to me like that one time


----------that was it.

So what now? does he texts mean 'let it go' as in just forget him and everything? And what about his response about cooling out.
I feel so stupid. I have been seriously BLOWING HIM UP with texts for like a year. but this is the first time he has ever told me off. I am going to do everything in my power to NOT call him again....or at least not for a long time. Does this exchange sound like its over and done? Or is his cool out comment saying yes you can call but just chill out?

I really need some reassurance for my anxiety on this one. I KNOW I should be done..but what do you all take of this exchange? I tried to cry, but I cant.

he doesn't sound like he is thru with you at all, from my outsiders objective opinion. after one read through that is not the impression i got. the first thing that came to my mind is this...this is a guy that is used to getting his own way and knows he can get away with it. simple as that. you are looking too deep into it and i understand why. we all do that when we care about someone. i don't think anything has changed permanently. he is just being his rude self. you'll see him again...

Well don't forget that mylife is an HPD either soulsearch.

They tend to overblow everything in their mind as bigger than it really is lol.

Anyway mylife don't worry about it.

He has just gone for your jugular as Cluster B's tend to do to everyone so to speak.

Meaning he knows he really has you in a weak position right now with the way you seem obsessed with him.

Basically if you want to take back control with him you'll have to cut off all contact for at least a month I'd say.

If he calls you during this time or tries to contact you, you must act cold and indifferent and not let your wild HPD emotions get the better of you when he tries to smooth talk you into doing something with him before your month time limit period is up.

If you've gotten to him at all or are important to him at all this holding back of yours will effect him and you'll see evidence of this when he starts messaging you halfway as much as you've been messaging him.

Thanks for the responses. I feel so empty when I am not getting attention. I am so irritable today. When I get attention I feel happy, alive, wanted. When I am getting attention, I am a better mother, worker, friend, etc...When I am denied that attention I want to hide because everything irritates me due to my anxiety about not being liked.

KX - I am really going to try to not call him. I know I need to do this. I just get so bored, irritable, anxious when I am not actively pursuing him. Why would he snap like that? Was it just too much? I have been doing the crazy txts for like a year and he has NEVER snapped on me. I feel so stupid. I know I was out of control with it. But he would IGNORE me....In all honesty, I would rather have him tell me off like he did last night than to just totally IGNORE me like I dont exsist. How long do you think it will take him to call me?

"KX - I am really going to try to not call him. I know I need to do this."

Good.

This is the key to defeating an N whether someone is recovering from a bad experience with them or is trying to gain the upper hand on them and to state it plainly this is commonly referred to as...

No contact.

In your case mylife since you want him to be under your control I'd say ideally it'd be best for you to avoid contact until you truly sense the guy is desperate for you but I gave the month time line because I think with as controlled as you are by this man and suffering for it a month may be all you could take to wait it out if you really tried at it.

"I just get so bored, irritable, anxious when I am not actively pursuing him. Why would he snap like that? Was it just too much? I have been doing the crazy txts for like a year and he has NEVER snapped on me. I feel so stupid. I know I was out of control with it. But he would IGNORE me....In all honesty, I would rather have him tell me off like he did last night than to just totally IGNORE me like I dont exsist. How long do you think it will take him to call me?"

Again mylife don't worry about this.

With this behaviour towards you he was just throwing you a curve ball so to speak.

He doesn't want you to get too comfortable in a routine because basically he doesn't want you getting wise to the pattern that is going on here.

He wants to keep you guessing and in a position of no power.

He wants your mind chaotic, he doesn't want you thinking.

As for him calling you I'd say a week or two and at the risk of sounding crude it will be when...he hungers for your particular and extreme HPD sexual talents again lol.

Maybe he just really doesnt like me, huh? I feel like he wouldnt keep coming around if he didnt, but then again, he basically just comes around long enough for the sexual favors....
Maybe he isnt NPD afterall and just doesnt like me? Does he just not like me?

KX - I think you are right though. Everytime he sees me he is nice and stuff and then nothing for weeks. He doesnt want me comfortable at all with our relationship. He withdraws immediately after we talk...a few weeks go by and then i see him again. Will this ever change???

I don't think he likes any women mylife.

Like all N's he views women with contempt for being his judge.

He might find you amusing though as HPD's often are funny whether they are trying to be or not.

And no that pattern will never change.

He controls you with it.

Ok KX...well what if i change that control? What if I just dont do what I have been doing...that will change it right?

I can think of one time last summer....he came over we had sex....I didnt call him for one week and he finally called me in one week and said something like, "you must be cool since I have not heard from you". We hooked up again that night. That is the ONE time that I have not contacted him first....and he called me within one week.

My fear is that if I just make no contact, he will forget about me...or figure that its better that I am not calling...maybe he will be relieved....that is my fear. do you think this is likely?

Also, I have thought about just not calling him back when he calls me...but I think will irritate and enrage him. And he will just write me off...so I am always afraid not respond when he does call. It seems like the slightest insult to him, or mention that I am done, results in him saying something really mean to me...like, "good I am glad you are done" or " its easy to quit you". It is so hurtful but it seems like he refuses to not be an asshole to me.

what was that about last night? could he have just had a bad day and my texts put him over the edge? what was the switch, cause hes never done that before and trust me I certainly have been more needy and demanding than I was last night. Could it have been that he actually enjoyed our exchange the night before as well and needed to be an asshole to keep me in check?

"Ok KX...well what if i change that control? What if I just dont do what I have been doing...that will change it right?"

Hmmm, I started reading the Narcissistic section of Emotional Vampires again as a refresher course on them for you mylife since the chapter isn't too long on your kind of narcissist which Al refers to as a Narcissistic Superstar.

Anyway...

Basically if you want this guy under your control and he is infact a narcissist the book says the only way you will get him where you want him is to use manipulation.

You must praise him, his toys and anything else you can think of and if you can't think of anything just listen to him and look interested pick up on what he says and if it seems important to him praise the hell out of it.

Basically play the obediant interested starry eyed totally in love HPD role but don't overdo the love stuff. Just be with him when possible do what I've said just now and don't be a nuisance to him talking about your needs and wants.

Rather tie your needs and wants in with his and again praise the hell out of him whenever the opportunity arises.

Make it look like you are genuinely praising him too even if you feel like barfing over praising a man whose given you so much pain lol.

"My fear is that if I just make no contact, he will forget about me...or figure that its better that I am not calling...maybe he will be relieved....that is my fear. do you think this is likely?"

From how long he's stayed in contact with you I'd say your pornstar like talents are a huge draw for him mylife lol so no but anyway forget no contact for now since I've been reading up about NPD's again and what I've found is fascinating and may help you.

"Also, I have thought about just not calling him back when he calls me...but I think will irritate and enrage him. And he will just write me off...so I am always afraid not respond when he does call. It seems like the slightest insult to him, or mention that I am done, results in him saying something really mean to me...like, "good I am glad you are done" or " its easy to quit you". It is so hurtful but it seems like he refuses to not be an asshole to me."

From reading the book I had a good laugh.

Mylife I'd always pegged you for a recovering severe disingenuous anti social HPD like the HPD's most of the forums victims dealt with including myself but now I think you may be that and a bit of a passive aggressive histrionic which are in general the more healthy and less harmful types of HPD as it seems you may of done passive aggressive behaviour with this man and that enrages N's.

In fact the Emotional Vampires book says Passive Aggressive Histrionics and N's are a match made in hell as they will send eachother into spasms of rage with their behaviour towards eachother lol.

So basically drop any passive aggressive behaviour you notice in yourself towards him. Don't hint at anything but be direct with your wants but in a pleasing way where he sees himself benefitting greatly by tying your needs and wants in with his.

Also avoid criticizing him at all for mistakes but if you must...

Always severely downplay it and point out someone else who made a similar mistake but made it far worse than your N ever could or would.

"what was that about last night? could he have just had a bad day and my texts put him over the edge? what was the switch, cause hes never done that before and trust me I certainly have been more needy and demanding than I was last night. Could it have been that he actually enjoyed our exchange the night before as well and needed to be an asshole to keep me in check?"

You just said it.

You changed by being more needy and demanding he noticed that and countered you and perhaps he did enjoy the exchange with you the other night a great deal and has to out maneuver you before you gained any more power that could eventually become control of the relationship.