example of note from an HPD-

rumin8r9 wrote:( Digital -I know you're not into any God things- so um..maybe um..toss a coin in a fountain for me?)

Heh, sure. Will do. Good luck buddy, remember, don't even talk to her no matter what. She'll probably pull some crazy $#%^ on you, throw herself in front of cars, slash her wrists and call you, crap like that, just let her die. You'll be doing two people a favour then.

Hey rumin8r9~

Praying for strong will and a quick mending heart for you. I don't have any experience with HPD. Sounds pretty rough. I'm sorry. But we do have something else in common.

cJo

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ok..so I wrote my note of ..'i cannot continue any communication w/you' i need to move on and open my self to opportunities where I can get w/someone who will love me as much as i love them' etc.
-

So, she wrote back(of course) and almost broke my heart again to see her reply.
-
1st she said she was ill and was planning to call me..(as usual 'planning to' but just couldn't get to it)
=========
then:

" I understand your choice. I am just sad that it is the choice you need to make. I was hoping to be able to get to know you as a person and potentially a friend, but only want that if it is a good thing for both you and me. It seems from what you are saying that right now it would be just me. I am really sorry for any pain and hurt caused by knowing me. "

=============
so ..that's effing sad as hell-since we've known each other a year. now-hundreds of emails and phone calls, trading feelings and values and goals and loves and hates-
2 dips into 'dating' w/sex and declarations of feelings(i see now mostly by me) etc. yet - she's still 'hoping to get to know me as a person'..and a possible friend?'

------I just feel so confused-like UGH! I am SCREAMING into the Grand Canyon, practically ripping my shirt off---and you don't hear me -
-=-=-= crazy - god i feel so bad for her and the apparent emptiness.

ru~
You are still allowing her to play her game with you. I don't know if you can do this but send her the same email again, do not respond to her letter do not add anything to the original you sent her. Then BLOCK her form sending anything else so you do not have to read them and feel like crap about yourself. Quit reading them!! Get caller ID and do not answer her calls. As I said in an earlier post I do not know much about HPD but from what I have read on this forum if you continue to just ignore her and get on with your own life she will find someone else to play her games. Be tough with your self!

This is all very sad, is there any help for these people with HPD to have a normal healthy relationship???

Sorry to be so harsh, but you need to start taking care of your self right now. Please take care.

cJo

What cjo said.

Basically when HPD's are in their end game manipulation phase they manage to twist your heart up with the phony sounding sad sentimental talk whether they know they are doing that or not.

It triggers your natural instinct to want to love and protect them.

So just keep that in mind as something to help you through this stage.

[quote="rumin8r9"]
~~~~~~~~~~the text~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

well, I think I sense a wall of caution from you, hopefully I am wrong. I do not want to be pushy, I wanted to say "hello." I guess I am not sure if you have hard feelings, I am asking you to please tell me if you do. I know I meant none. I can only speak from my heart and say I enjoyed getting to know you, the person, aside from the romantic interest I had that changed. I am sorry for that becuase I do not like to hurt people's feelings. I guess if there are no sensitive lingerings than that is good, but I am asking for clarification now that I am thinking about it. I appreciate it.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

My god! I almost fell off my chair whilst reading this one. Even though it's a year old post i relate to it completely. I have about 30 just like it that i kept for proof (in addition to all her other internal network chat's and emails to me) just in case she went to company HR making false claims.

Indeed your X girlfirend and mine is using an underhand technique, that here in France they have a wonderful phrase for; it goes:

"Prêcher le faux pour savoir le vraie".

What that roughly means is advancing potentially true or potentially false hypothesis with the objective of obtaining the truth in return.

I am so relieved to see the content of that mail because it really means that on Monday of this week my therpaist did hit the nail on the head when she diagnosed my X as having HPD.

Haleluliah....a step closer to escaping her treacherous little web !

rumin8r9 wrote:-
ok..so I wrote my note of ..'i cannot continue any communication w/you' i need to move on and open my self to opportunities where I can get w/someone who will love me as much as i love them' etc.
-

So, she wrote back(of course) and almost broke my heart again to see her reply.
-
1st she said she was ill and was planning to call me..(as usual 'planning to' but just couldn't get to it)
=========
then:

" I understand your choice. I am just sad that it is the choice you need to make. I was hoping to be able to get to know you as a person and potentially a friend, but only want that if it is a good thing for both you and me. It seems from what you are saying that right now it would be just me. I am really sorry for any pain and hurt caused by knowing me. "

=============
so ..that's effing sad as hell-since we've known each other a year. now-hundreds of emails and phone calls, trading feelings and values and goals and loves and hates-
2 dips into 'dating' w/sex and declarations of feelings(i see now mostly by me) etc. yet - she's still 'hoping to get to know me as a person'..and a possible friend?'

------I just feel so confused-like UGH! I am SCREAMING into the Grand Canyon, practically ripping my shirt off---and you don't hear me -
-=-=-= crazy - god i feel so bad for her and the apparent emptiness.

ROFLMAO!!! Dude I feel so relieved that I am not alone. I had not seen the second part of your post (above). I am glad to see that I am not the only one who tried ripping of his shirt and screaming into the Grand Canyon. Again your reply to her and hers back are classical examples of whats fills a whole archive in my mail box!

If you get this, let me know how you are getting along now ...cheers Musician 924

Thanks for the note. I had forgotten about this board(thank goodness I'm free! wahoooo!) but I empathize with anyone in the grasp of the HPD type.
This November is 100% different than last year. I finally just stopped giving her any thought and took back my life. I faced that she never would be what I'd hoped. Once I started feeling my self worth come back and started seeing more clearly I met a wonderful person who is totally GREAT! She's not a player/manipulator, just a real person.

The relationship may not be as highly charged sexually..but I could care less. I faced that what made it so charged with miss HPD was the thrill of the chase and the feeling of conquest if I could 'tame' her.

Glad I escaped and would never get back into anything like that. If anything I'd be happily single and just watch from afar..there are many unstable and unsuitable mates out there. I feel really lucky to have found the girl I did-it took me 20yrs. Plus hey..'my' HPD mainly used her sexuality as a carrot-she'd hardly 'give it up' anyways -to put it crudely. Sexuality was her weapon. Add some mystery and red flags..and you have a trainwreck just waiting to happen.

I now have positive and NORMAL communication(I call,she calls back, I email she calls! I text, she texts twice! She says she'll be somewhere and she is there!, she shares her entire reperatoire of feelings and has a sense of humor. We were closer in one months time than I ever got to the ex in 2yrs time.

So, I am glad I got away because I see how miserable I could be still...the rollercoaster of emotions was killing me. I've been able to focus back on my own development, my work, my interests my hobbies, etc.

I hope you keep away from the toxic one in your life. I haven't read your entire story..but the usual recommendation you'll get on this board is ..if you want a normal drama free life- RUN! And don't go back.

HAPPY HOLIDAYS EN ADVANCE -
= cheers-

Hi rumin89r:
I am so happy for you that you managed to find someone that functions differently to someone suffering from HPD, I am sure your life has changed.

I came nose to nose with my ex HPD yesterday evening upon leaving work. I think she fixed it, but I cannot be sure (can one ever be with an HPD). When she saw me (i was with a friend that she may not have been expecting) she blushed and her legs were all over the place like she drank five gin and tonics. She collided her shoulder with the corner of a wall too which made me smile, because I still have "that same effect" on her that i always had. But I know it's just physical attraction from her side, her actions and treachery proved it was never love.

I have been seeing a PSY since a long while going chronologically through the story, and up until Monday we had only gone through the sugary surface, you know the "seduction come into my web" part. We arrived at the first big and totally incoherent rupture during Monday's visit, and she said to me, your X girlfriend is a sufferer of HPD (i had thought up until then that she was just an emotional pervert). I had no idea what it was, nor the symptoms or style of life that they lead, so I looked it up on Wikipedia! I have no shame in saying that I locked my office door and spent a good hour crying once I had read all about the condition. I felt that i was being offered the key to my life back that she had stolen and ran off with. That might sound dramatic, but that is how it felt. Since then I can feel the clouds breaking and sun coming back into my life. As for her, after all that I have read my anger has gone and been replaced with sorrow. Finally she is a sad little girl with some major problems to solve.

When you say happy holidays, I assume you mean thanksgiving? We don't celebrate it here, but I do wish you a good one out in the USA.

Thanks again and regards, Musician924