example of note from an HPD-

____ here's a note below from a person I think is Cluster B -highly HPD/NPD/OCPD/BPD__

Context- I've responded to this person kinda matter of fact 2 or 3times since she'd dropped my ass a month ago for the 2nd time with the non-chalance of swatting a fly.
````
So, I got this email.
The rest of the email also contained 2 competitive type comments since I a short mention of what I had been up to

so she replied...
well, I am doing ----
and I was ---- that night...

(in my mind I am like of course wondering at her secret life now- of who are you leading on now?)

~~~~~~~~~~the text~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

well, I think I sense a wall of caution from you, hopefully I am wrong. I do not want to be pushy, I wanted to say "hello." I guess I am not sure if you have hard feelings, I am asking you to please tell me if you do. I know I meant none. I can only speak from my heart and say I enjoyed getting to know you, the person, aside from the romantic interest I had that changed. I am sorry for that becuase I do not like to hurt people's feelings. I guess if there are no sensitive lingerings than that is good, but I am asking for clarification now that I am thinking about it. I appreciate it.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Can any expert explain the point of the above? Thanks-

well, I think I sense a wall of caution from you, hopefully I am wrong. I do not want to be pushy, I wanted to say "hello." I guess I am not sure if you have hard feelings, I am asking you to please tell me if you do. I know I meant none. I can only speak from my heart and say I enjoyed getting to know you, the person, aside from the romantic interest I had that changed. I am sorry for that becuase I do not like to hurt people's feelings. I guess if there are no sensitive lingerings than that is good, but I am asking for clarification now that I am thinking about it. I appreciate it.

well, i am no expert besides the fact that i too fell for a hpd's game. but, what i sense from the words in this email are that she is not comfortable with you claiming back your 'own' life...one where she is not the center of your universe. when she says i guess if there are no sensitive lingerings than that is good what she really means is the opposite. she wants you to still have sensitive lingerings so she can still feel like she has control of you, even from a distance. what i would recommend is not changing your stance at all. you should remain strong and remember the most attractive quality of all is dignity and self-respect. she will most likely always remember you in a positive light if you remain strong in regards to her because this is what she lacks inside of herself.

My expert opinion...

Just a bunch of manipulative tripe that sounds exactly like a message my ex would write.

Don't change your stance.

Yeah make her squirm! If you can handle the subsequent heat, that is. It'll totally be worth it. Make her do some backflips for you, than leave her high and dry. Trust me, you will feel so much better once you have her begging to eat from your hand, and you deny her the privelidge. She'll take ages to get over it, but when she eventually gives up she will remember you as the guy who made an arse out of her (and still love you for it). If you have the time, effort, and inclination I definitely recommend playinbg her at her own game.

thanks 4 your comments. With my new insight about clusterB and now 'getting' what was going on with her it's changed how I feel entirely..and I realize I'm not yet settled emotionally on it. I feel completely in control of my life again regarding her attentions, yet I feel still a bit shocked that this is really what is up.

Her note hits me 1st, as a reminder/memory of some of our 'conversations' that would confuse me, the odd references and contexts that just didn't jibe and is thus a good warning to not go in for THAT again ..and 2nd'ly -I truly feel a deep sadness over what I now see is a person who is damaged and vulnerable to the winds- a candle in the wind- a woman who just can't empathize or love deeply, and seems to go with what people tell her. I am deeply saddened that likely she'll go thru her whole life-in what has to be a bit like a malfunctioning ride at the funhouse.

I'm finally able to admit to myself that nobody else I interact with would ever interact as she does...or ask such clueless questions, or sadden me so.

The note almost seems desperate by the tone and apparently all of the sudden something hit her...but she doesn't even seem clear what it is that hit her, but she REALLY NEEDS TO KNOW badly how I 'feel' about her/it -and soon.

I will reply out of courtesy and with distance because now it is key for me to protect my emotional well being and get further on w/my life.

But as of yet(and with my new technicolor dream coat) I am puzzled as to what to even say. That may be my reply- that I'm thinking about this and will reply sometime soon.

-- i figure enough nights of good sleep may finally get my brain back in order and clarify my 'stance' ...eeek..

"The note almost seems desperate by the tone and apparently all of the sudden something hit her...but she doesn't even seem clear what it is that hit her, but she REALLY NEEDS TO KNOW badly how I 'feel' about her/it -and soon.

I will reply out of courtesy and with distance because now it is key for me to protect my emotional well being and get further on w/my life."

She's not going to die if you don't give her a nice little goodbye or whatever (just so you know) but she will get a sense of validation from you talking to her in any way that isn't strictly cold and to the point so what I would do in your shoes is simply inform her of how you believe she is HPD and advise her to get help for it and then give her this link below on the disorder and have that be the end of it. It seems this is the road you are already planning on but just take my post now as a further reminder to move forward with this course.

Allow no contact after that and make it clear in your email.

HPD's who are given such notices often engage in any number of manipulative attempts at getting you back with them be it crying or whatever but do not give in.

These things are all lies and manipulations, stand your ground give her this link and coldly but politely tell her it is over and move on.

http://www.toad.net/~arcturus/dd/histrion.htm

Not an easy thing to do but it is the only sane thing to do.

Thing is KX is that I just don't think it's my place to diagnose her or suggest a mental health professional unless she tips her hand to say stuff is bothering her.

and I don't think she 'wants me back' since I was too easy of a conquest and actually tried to love her(how dull and/or threatening)

but apparently she wants to know if I hate her since I am not being as i was the 1st time- writing her letters expressing my sad sad feelings.

I see it as kinda like she's asking-now that I've burned you 2x..did it hurt? DUH

I semi-wonder if she wants to open up to me-

THEN ..I was joking w/a friend and thought..maybe I should just cut it up w/one liners..and change ' sensitive lingerings' to 'sensitive LINGERIE"...and say..yes I do have some sensitive lingerie....this new underwear is kinda itchy..

just blow it all off with jokes.. lol..
it's almost that ridiculous.




-

LMAO.

Well my new HPD friend Genevieve has told me much more about the inner workings of the HPD mind than just about anyone here possibly save for mylife and she said one thing HPD's can't stand is not getting a bad or good reaction or some kind of emotional reaction out of an ex partner especially if the HPD still has lingering feelings for that partner.

Basically your ex is hoping for you to let her have it or say "Yeah I'm still kind of angry" as then she will get her validation from you and you'll probably never hear from her again.

So I'd definitely just ignore her question if I were you and use your telling her random jokes idea instead and let that be the email response.

Well KX, against your advice(and others)
I sent a kinda LONG email reply to my ex-the HPD
She asked for a report of how I'm feeling....I gave her one(to an extent) I told her I'm conflicted between never replying to her..and replying in great detail. I told her that I wondered if she was just checking in because she felt bad or if she wanted to start a dialog on somehting. I told her I believe she didn't mean to hurt me and that she tried to care about me but couldn't- twice.
I told her i would prefer that she tell me how she feels about me, how she feels about herself rather than keep asking how I feel in relation to her. I told her I'm not interested in any surfacy acqauintance..but if she has anything she wants to say I am listening.

-I feel I am emotionally strong enuf that if I hear from her fine..if not..no loss. I don't care anymore. I am on to new things. She would have a long long way to go to trick me into trusting her again. I thought ..well she asked for how I'm feeling- so I told her.
= it's not playing with her head- I think she likes deeper conversations..but mainly on email..then when in person..she turns into bubble head/self absorbed/ narc/hypochondriac.! ANyways- we shall see.
==

Well, Today I feel lighter.
Last night I finally took the reigns and made a decision to stop all communication w/the ex who I believe to be 'Cluster B'd up'.

I sent an email stating that at this time I must stop communicating to guard my heart and so that I don't get involved in a fantasy relationship with her again.

I stated that no matter how much i'd hoped she could be 'the one' ..she's told me she is not and that I am in a place where a commited LTR is of key importance to me..before I shrivel and get old and being friends with her (which she was 'hoping' for ..or at least that I'd be friendly) wasn't going to allow me to move on and be available for someone who I can love and will love me back.

I wished her the very best and hoped she will find whatever, whomever she's looking for. I said maybe our paths will pass in the future, if so i'd be happy to see her and if not- know that i wish you best.

I had for a few weeks here kinda melted down and unfortunately bled more of my heart out to her in print and one vm at least about how I feel in life in general/etc..again likely expecting her to see that I'm not perfect, and maybe she'd finally see the light and cop to her crap.

I wanted so badly to tell her how messed up and mean and self absorbed she is, but realized it will fall on deaf ears and just make more conflict. I release her to go on w/her depressing dream world with the players that WILL play along. I'm done(burned to a crisp actually)

=== Please pray for me to be strong and stay strong in these weeks ahead as I try my best to forget her and heal myself====

( Digital -I know you're not into any God things- so um..maybe um..toss a coin in a fountain for me?)

I give THANKS for this forum and contributers-I hope for the day I don't need to poke around here trying to salve my 2nd guessing and sadness. !