Hi

Hi Dolor, What's up, Dolor? Is there no way for you to be out without him being in despair? Why is it fun to see him depressed? What do you like about seeing him writhe? Do you believe he deserves to feel this way? Why do you like watching him break down, what do you get out of it? Do you dislike him, or do you simply not care about him? And why?

what's your favorit color????????

Uh...

hi dolor! whew. i had to really shout to ask you that. what's your favorit color? what do you like to eat? do you like movies? what about books? what's your favorit season? how old are you? what color hair do you have? what color eyes do you have?

Woah. Slow down, you.

sorry. i just wanted to say hi and get to know you. i like new people. but i'm shy in real life. i get exsited sumtimes and ask a lot of questions. but yeah, just wanted to say hi! it's nice to meet you!

Um. I don't have anything to follow that? Yeah, neither do I. ~Luna ~LC

Welcome to both Riven and Dolor (and anyone else in the system!)

- Nin

Can one really define how an action is fun without creating cyclical reasoning. It is fun for me. And yes he deserves it. He's a pathetic creature who is insignificant.

Its so much fun. I'm one of he has lost time, so possibilities are endless. I get to set everything up as a surprise to toy with him.

Dolor, I don't know you, dude, but my bet is you came pretty much like I did. Really bad crap was done to your body and your job was to make it okay, maybe kind of to enjoy the suffering instead of getting totally freaked out by it like everybody else there. The thing is, that makes you a really strong-minded guy, a leader of sorts. When you're stronger than everybody else, you can do what you want a lot of the time. But at some point you end up having to ask yourself if what you're doing is right or not, because there aren't many people who can stop you and if you're that strong, you don't have to listen. Kind of like the parents in the family I lived with.

Now I understand picking on the main guy, throwing your weight around when something pisses you off. I did it some but host-boy didn't have a clue and after a while it wasn't so much fun, like shooting fish in a barrel, too easy. It's one thing to think somebody is pathetic but not so easy when you find out how messed up people made them. Then I start getting clear in my own head that I myself turned out this way because the piece of crap father did whatever he wanted, and lied about it to. It really messed with my head cause I was real young so I said, okay, this is supposed to happen I guess, and then, I want this to happen. So then it didn't hurt or upset me so much.

I'm going to bet that at some point you didn't want the bad crap to happen but it did anyway and you came up with your own way of dealing with it. Now maybe it didn't all come down just like that for you and maybe you still feel the need to torment the host, the main guy. It's one thing to pick on a adult. But you definitely got a little kid or two there who see what's going on and get scared and upset by what you're doing. Hurting a defenseless little kid, well, that just makes you a bully, or a lot worse. I know you got your emotional needs but do you ever stop and think what kind of person it makes you to do that stuff? You probably didn't have much of a choice when you was a kid but you got a choice about how you act now.

You came here and talked and was honest. I respect that. You seem smart enough to start looking at all this yourself and figuring out if like maybe there's be a better way for someone strong to act, like starting to think it out with us here or with the other folks with you or just on your own.

Quato my hero!

Riven wrote:It's not that I hate him, I simply enjoy seeing him depressed and teetering on the edge. He's so easily hurt right now, its simply too much fun to pass up watching him break down repeatedly. Besides, him in despair allows me to come out. Its a hilarious cycle. He starts getting depressed, I get to come out and set up things around him that will make him more depressed, and I get to watch him writhe.

Dolor

Hello Dolor and welcome to you also.

Please remember that whatever you do to him will also have an effect on you. If you are making him depressed and break down, that's not productive to help you in your situation either. You are obviously strong to be able to have this influence over him, but to use this power you have to make him depressed and weaker is not going to help you in any way. Although you may feel short term pleasure, ultimately this behaviour is holding all of you back from achieving more in your life and from feeling better overall. Think, if you could use your strength productively instead of harming him, what you could do... I'm sure there's other things you want out of life, maybe more money or to travel, a better job, more close friends or something... Wouldn't it be more helpful to, instead of weakening him by making him depressed, help him with your strength so that he can achieve some of the things in life that you also want to experience?

Johnny-Jack wrote:Dolor, I don't know you, dude, but my bet is you came pretty much like I did. Really bad crap was done to your body and your job was to make it okay, maybe kind of to enjoy the suffering instead of getting totally freaked out by it like everybody else there. The thing is, that makes you a really strong-minded guy, a leader of sorts. When you're stronger than everybody else, you can do what you want a lot of the time. But at some point you end up having to ask yourself if what you're doing is right or not, because there aren't many people who can stop you and if you're that strong, you don't have to listen. Kind of like the parents in the family I lived with.

Now I understand picking on the main guy, throwing your weight around when something pisses you off. I did it some but host-boy didn't have a clue and after a while it wasn't so much fun, like shooting fish in a barrel, too easy. It's one thing to think somebody is pathetic but not so easy when you find out how messed up people made them. Then I start getting clear in my own head that I myself turned out this way because the piece of crap father did whatever he wanted, and lied about it to. It really messed with my head cause I was real young so I said, okay, this is supposed to happen I guess, and then, I want this to happen. So then it didn't hurt or upset me so much.

I'm going to bet that at some point you didn't want the bad crap to happen but it did anyway and you came up with your own way of dealing with it. Now maybe it didn't all come down just like that for you and maybe you still feel the need to torment the host, the main guy. It's one thing to pick on a adult. But you definitely got a little kid or two there who see what's going on and get scared and upset by what you're doing. Hurting a defenseless little kid, well, that just makes you a bully, or a lot worse. I know you got your emotional needs but do you ever stop and think what kind of person it makes you to do that stuff? You probably didn't have much of a choice when you was a kid but you got a choice about how you act now.

You came here and talked and was honest. I respect that. You seem smart enough to start looking at all this yourself and figuring out if like maybe there's be a better way for someone strong to act, like starting to think it out with us here or with the other folks with you or just on your own.

HA so wrong. This guys never been abused. Sure he's pretty much been alone all of his life with inconsistent parents, a lack of any friends, and constantly being bullied in schools until Rath came along and sent 4 boys to the hospital in a single fight. But no sexual abuse, solely emotional emptiness. There have been alters in this prick since he was 6 years old, unmaifested, and simply causing so many behavior problems to only pushed further his bullying. And what did he do? At age 12, he decided to try an emotional experiment: Try to suppress emotions and live without them. All that happened was simply make more splits to funnel all of that emotion into, and block them out for a time.
And Me? I'm only, what 5, 7 weeks old or so? Fueled by his depression and self pity. So what did he do? He tried it again to block out his emotion, and poof. Here I am.

salted lipstick wrote:

Riven wrote:It's not that I hate him, I simply enjoy seeing him depressed and teetering on the edge. He's so easily hurt right now, its simply too much fun to pass up watching him break down repeatedly. Besides, him in despair allows me to come out. Its a hilarious cycle. He starts getting depressed, I get to come out and set up things around him that will make him more depressed, and I get to watch him writhe.

Dolor

Hello Dolor and welcome to you also.

Please remember that whatever you do to him will also have an effect on you. If you are making him depressed and break down, that's not productive to help you in your situation either. You are obviously strong to be able to have this influence over him

I know it effects me. But it doesn't matter. I actually drove him suicidal a few weeks ago, but someone else decided to save him. Sad.

*May trigger, mentions of suicide attempts and self harm*

Riven wrote:And Me? I'm only, what 5, 7 weeks old or so? Fueled by his depression and self pity. So what did he do? He tried it again to block out his emotion, and poof. Here I am.

I know it effects me. But it doesn't matter. I actually drove him suicidal a few weeks ago, but someone else decided to save him. Sad.

5-7 weeks old, eh? So you're a newb, in essence? Quick to knock everyone's words away for a newb, aren't ya? You sound like you've got the world figured out pretty well for bein' 5 weeks old. I bet you were there before 5 weeks ago. I bet you were there, just not separate; and now you are. So, congrats on bein' born, though you sure don't seem to appreciate it. I guess I can understand that. 'S not like you asked to be born. What I find funny is that you seem to enjoy bein' able to do sh*t now that you're "alive", yet you want to kill off the body you're in, which would kill you. Kinda oxymoronic, don't you think? (I don't care if that's not a word, you sound smart enough to get what I mean).

You're probably wondering if I'm just going to blab questions at you all day. Don't worry, I'm not; that'd be a waste of both your time and mine. Though you probably don't care, my name's LC. It stands for Lost Child. I've OD'ed twice; I used to cut; I've tried burning my hoodie while wearing it; I've tried to choke myself; I've climbed over overpass fences 2 or 3 times; I've tried to step out in traffic a couple times. I've got depression, PTSD, yadda yadda yadda. I hate how I look; I hate how much I weigh; I hate myself; I hate other people in general; I don't see the point in life; and I've tried driving Cassandra to let me just f*#king finish it a few times. But either one of the others saved her or a friend did, and I used to be like "Dammit! I was so close". But you know what? I'm glad I was close instead of gone.

Not for my sake. F*#k no. I could care less if I lived or died. But I'm not the only one in this body, and as apathetic as I am, I have to respect that fact. Hurting and killing my body, that's one thing. Hurting and killing the body that houses an 8 yr old, a 2 yr old, a 10 yr old; not to mention the host, Cassandra, who wants to live, and others- that's a whole 'nother ball game. Who put me in charge of their life? Who says I have a say in if they live or die? They have dreams like I did once; they have their own desires and sh*t; and even if I think they don't matter, I treat them like real people who don't matter. Would you walk up to an 8 yr old kid, say "I don't want to live anymore, and you're coming with me", and then kill them before killing yourself? Or hurting them before doing the same to yourself? I wouldn't, so I don't do it to the others in this body. My sh*t is my sh*t, and it's not fair of me to make other people deal with my sh*t. If we had our own bodies, sh*t would be different. But we don't, and that won't change, so I have to accept it as it is.

Not only that, but suicide is f*#kin' selfish. No matter what, you will always affect someone with your suicide. Do you care? Probably not, but it is a chickensh*t and selfish thing to do. Whether it's family and friends, or the cop that finds your body, or the doctor that tries to save you from an OD, there will always be someone affected by your suicide. And that's not cool. You're escaping from the burden of life, but in doing so you're making your last act a burden on someone else. But what do you care, you're dead, right? Selfishly dead, yes. Because there are people everywhere struggling with life. You're not the only one, and neither is the other guy "Riven". There will always be someone else who knows how you feel; there will always be someone else who's got it worse than you; there will always be someone else who thinks the same thoughts as you; and there will always be someone else having similar struggles. They're not giving up and taking the "easy" way out. Why are you going to/Why are you trying to make "Riven" do so? Just because it's fun? Will you be laughing when you're dead?

I ain't got nothin' against you, Dolor. Or your thoughts or opinions. But when you start making other people deal with your sh*t, that's not cool. I get that he might deserve it, I get that it's fun to watch him squirm, I get that it's like hopeful to watch him break more and watch him get closer to the edge, but it's not cool, and it's not fair. He's got his rights just like you do. He's got a right to live and do his own thing. If that conflicts with your sh*t, try to make a compromise or somethin'. You're both sharing a body and mind, and you both have a say in what happens to it. Especially if you are indeed so new, then he's got superiority because he's the "veteran" in the body compared to you. ~LC


"Riven", this part's for you:
Try having safe outlets for these feelings of pity, depression, self-loathing, etc. Try writing or typing your feelings/thoughts out, or even what you feel like doing to yourself/your life. Sometimes just getting it out of your system helps. Maybe even try drawing out your feelings/thoughts; draw out some suicide attempts if it'd help. Even drawing out what I feel like doing when I'm suicidal helps sometimes; the visual is a huge outlet. If you self-harm, draw some cuts or something on yourself in washable marker. I do that now when I feel like cutting. Try snapping rubber bands on your wrist, or biting/pinching yourself (pain distracts, but don't do it to cause damage that will last/show). Maybe listen to music that reflects how you feel; try singing along or "whisper" singing along to it. If there's a movie that you identify with (but won't make you worse), watch that. Do things that allow those emotions to come to the surface safely and be expressed through things such as song lyrics, drawings, etc. I smoke, both marijuana and cigarettes, to help me too. Force yourself to go for a walk; sometimes all I need is a walk to feel better, even if I didn't want to go on one initially. You're not alone in how you feel, and you're not alone in your coping methods. I hope you're able to find some safe emotional outlets, and that sh*t calms down for you soon. ~LC

"Life is like a painting canvas. Whether it's clean, stained, or already has something painted on it, there's nothing you can't paint over with your own choices. Nothing can stop you from turning the canvas given to you into your own work of art." ~Luna

Welcome Riven and Dolor.

Dolor, you've already manage to trigger quite a few people. It's nice to have people listen.

Riven wrote:Try to suppress emotions and live without them. All that happened was simply make more splits to funnel all of that emotion into, and block them out for a time.

That's us, too. You're bullied? Emotions are a bad thing, weak. But you ball those emotions away, ironically, you leave the person behind (riven? in this case) weak, and these emotions become something powerful.
*trigger warning - talk of enjoying other's pain, don't read if you are emotionally sensitive*

You remind me of our Lion. She used to do the same thing to Wolf. She loved his suffering, practically got off on it. She didn't want to see him kill himself, but she wanted to see him want to do it. She fed off his suffering, and pushed him harder and harder into his own depression. We locked her up, but she'd always manage to escape.

It turns out, in a backwards way, she was protecting us, and him, in more ways than one. In elementary school, we were bullied. Sadness was mocked, anger was punished, so we put both away, we were 5. We were kind, passive, and naive, but we stayed out of trouble. We got taken advantage of, sure, but our emotions stayed protected. Little did we know they were growing. We met those feelings again at 15. Wolf was sadness. Bear was anger. Lion was hate. If we were to rate the severity of emotions 1-10, with 10 being the edge of the cliff of sanity, Wolf and Bear ended at 10, and Lion held everything in the canyon, off the edge of the cliff. Lion's power was endless. She laughed at suffering, mocked all, there were seemingly no bounds to her ability to hold our darkest emotions. But even Lion needs an outlet. She had nowhere to turn these emotions but on us. To turn them outward would break the very promise that was made to protect us. No anger, no sadness, no acting out. Stay kind, stay blameless, stay hidden. So her only option was to do what she was born to do, laugh at pain, enjoy it, mock it, release it inside. This went on for a year or so. Now Lion has other ways of letting out those feelings. She puts small amounts of them into other alters, who have their own ways of releasing them, like through watching gory horror films.

But, there is something I haven't mentioned yet: another reason Lion turned those feelings inward to protect us. If we could withstand her hate and emotional torture, than no one else in the outside world could hurt us. Their bullying was moot because our bullying of ourselves was worse, and had prepared us. That's why we were invincible, because no one was crueler to us than Lion, a part of ourself.

Your story won't be the same as mine, but I wanted to share mine with the hope you'd find it mildly interesting in the least.

Hi this is Doug (Riven). I've had no idea this was going on. Dolor is one of the few I actually have time loss with. Anyways, I've hypothesized that Dolor is a manifestation of my own low self esteem and depression following my breakup with my ex. I tend to become emotionally empty after time, and I feel that when there isn't proper outlet for my emotions, others tend to personify them inside. Its just difficult now because there was a very fine balance inside before, and with him here it's really starting to unravel that. I'm just hoping that he'll be able to fade away or be put down when I'm in a better state of mind to be rid of this problem. I'll probably end up making a post about everyone inside.

Its not that I want him dead, I simply don't care. I enjoy hurting him. I'm completely neutral about my own existence.