sexual arousal trigger

by **Una+** » Tue Jun 19, 2012 1:33 pm

Once you find the trick of it, suspending judgment is the way to go. Just observe what comes up. And think about the long-term safety of yourself and your children.

The Cat's Meow wrote:You are very welcome! I, too, had no memory of what happened. In fact, I bought into the family story of having a "perfect family" hook, line, and sinker. Now, having a lot more perspective than I did 20 years ago, I recognize that my nuclear family was terribly dysfunctional if you scratched the surface and both of my parents' families were outright abusive. Years ago, I talked with one of my cousins and discovered that some things also happened to her with our grandfather and she was also abused by her father. Now I recognize that there was a reason that I did not date at all until my senior year of high school and even then, I chose a long distance relationship. I also better understand why I froze during my first adult sexual encounter and it was non-consensual on my part. The list goes on and on of things in my family and my personal life that were confusing from the perspective of a "perfect family," but when you factor in the abuse start to make perfect sense.

It's just that what happened was absolutely overwhelming and it simply was not possible to integrate it in a family where denial (and possibly dissociation) were the preferred methods of dealing. My mind did a very, very good job of walling away the memories of the abuse until they started to leak through, once I was in a relationship where I felt safe.

I wish you all the best!

Thanks for posting this, it's so similar to what's going on for me at the moment. I don't trust the 'memories' I'm getting at all and am mostly convinced I'm making it up. But then I think, how does that benefit me? It doesn't, it mostly makes me feel like sh*t. Then I think, it can't possibly be true and round we go again. Anyway, your post helped, so thank you.

Brandonsmom, I'm sorry you're going through all this. I hope all of you is able to feel safer soon.

by **brandonsmom777** » Tue Jun 19, 2012 9:32 pm

Thank you Owl and your welcome

As much as I hate to think of anyone going through this it is nice to know that someone relates in this moment. Right now I'm working on feeling and BEING safe which I now realize are the most important thing right now. Right when I think I'm stable, something else comes along to knock me down all over again. I'm not sure if it's allowed or not but feel free to p.m me anytime if you want to talk seeing how we both seem to be in the same place of sorts right now. It's nice to go over techniques for coping that might work out for the both of us. Two minds are better than one

@ Una. Thank you for always giving straight foraward advice. If you don't mind my asking and it's not too triggering for you, do you mind sharing a little about how you keep your children safe? In children, I'm talking about your offspring, I don't want to confuse anyone. You dont have to if you don't want but the feedback would be helpful if you dont mind.

by **Una+** » Tue Jun 19, 2012 10:51 pm

brandonsmom777 wrote:do you mind sharing a little about how you keep your children safe? In children, I'm talking about your offspring, I don't want to confuse anyone.

The holes in my childhood memory are chilling. For example, the house we lived in: I remember other rooms but my bedroom is a blank spot in my mind. Some that I do remember is horrible. I don't know who did it to me. I do know, because I have seen them do it, that both of my parents suffer from denial in the extreme. I do know their home is not safe. I have witnessed electrical faults, massive things falling, small children falling in deep water, traumatic brain injuries, and other life threatening mishaps. So, I have learned (and had opportunity to use) many lifesaving and first aid skills. I learn and teach my husband and children recommended safe practices. I do not allow my children to stay overnight with my family. I do not allow my children to be with any person from my childhood unless I or my husband or another adult I completely trust is there also. The other adult must know and respect my concern.

by **Owleyes** » Wed Jun 20, 2012 7:52 pm

brandonsmom777 wrote:feel free to p.m me anytime if you want to talk seeing how we both seem to be in the same place of sorts right now. It's nice to go over techniques for coping that might work out for the both of us. Two minds are better than one

Thanks, I'll take you up on that

by **formybrothersjot** » Wed Jun 20, 2012 8:20 pm

psh...bro,I feel like Im talking to myself when I read your post.Your not getting aroused by the idea of rape,but the idea of somone having sex,when you think of someone having sex,you get aroused.As far as your attraction to close family relatives goes,you should know humans are animals just like every other species,your body isnt thinking about morals or etx,your mind does that for you.just don't give in to this desire.masturbate or get yourself a girlfriend.I know exactly what your going through.

by **Asi** » Tue Sep 16, 2014 4:36 am

It's not just people who were sexually abused who can get aroused by reading about or seeing something on television about abuse or rape. I think that especially for women it is a part of our genetic makeup to have a tendency to be able to be aroused by violence aggression and fear as a defense mechanism in which we are spared the agony of a more painful rape by at least having a physical sexual response.

by **Violarules** » Tue Sep 16, 2014 11:44 am

I can relate to this. Sexual topics make me feel uncomfortable, usually making me feel nauseous, dizzy and gives me a headache. I also can't stand to be touched, even by my family, even if it is just a hug. I always assumed my fear of sexual topics was because while growing up, my mom would always say that I need to be aware of my surroundings since someone like me would be a target for a sexual predator. I have no memory of being raped, if I was. I don't think I was though, but it was a question I was always constantly asked by my mom.

by **confusedchild3** » Sat Sep 27, 2014 6:03 am

I am not giving advice in this reply but relating to your experience; I too get aroused by abuse. My family has been abusing me for years and I've developed dissociative identity disorder because of it. I have no self-esteem or confidence in myself. I have flashbacks about traumatic experiences for me and everytime this happens I get aroused because that's all I know. I don't stay present for long and when I do I get easily excited and can feel and see the emotional abuse happening to me. But I don't like doing that because then I'll get aroused by it. I don't want to continue on this way with people bullying me because they think I like it. And in turn bullying other people because of the repressed anger. I don't want to live in a fog just to protect myself from any more traumatic experiences with people. I want to live life in a healthy way and not have to worry about this. I want my siblings to stop bullying me and my parents to stop emotionally devaluating me, prolonging the road to recovery. I don't want to be scared all the time. I want people to understand me and respect me. I don't want to live with a controlling and abusing father. I don't want to dissociate and continue being my own worst enemy by enjoying the abuse. I can relate to your experience and I hope things get better for the both of us.

by **Una+** » Sun Sep 28, 2014 2:07 pm

Hello confusedchild3. Your current post count is 1, so: Welcome to the DID Forum.

Good point about the arousal. Arousal is what it is, nothing more. It is a hardwired physiological (physical body) response to stimulation. Arousal does not signify pleasure or enjoyment.

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