Question (MAy offend/trigger)

I have a question and I TRULY do not mean to offend anyone....but something tells me it will.

Most of you have open communication and alters that take full control regularly. Some of us have little communication and alters that seem to be co-persent/co-consious on occasion and only leave us with a few absolute determinable time gaps. So, my question is this: Why would we go for open communication and alters that "steal" the body? It seems as if most of you who are like that tend to ......have bigger issues than those with less communication. REALLY not trying to offend! What I mean is that your alters seem to cause you problems by buying things, going places, doing things that wreak havoc with your life. Whereas those us us that have little or no contact seem to lead "normal" lives with the exception of memory loss or doing/saying inppropriate things at inappropriate time and relatively minor things like that.

Please don't take offense, I truly want to know. See, since I have been paying attention I have noticed more gaps, more inappropriateness, been able to read something emotional while not feeling anything, but tears were coming from somewhere else. I have realized approximately when I came to be host. I even noticed myself smiling from ear to ear like an embarrassed child while telling my husband about something horrible that happened to me years ago. Is communication that big of a deal? Does it bring to you anything that is of a benefit? Does remembering really help?

Once again, this is not meant to offend.

Generally the more internal communication we have, the less lost time and other distressing phenomena we experience. Also, communication does not mean talking about trauma, or even remembering it. Communication enables resolution of internal conflicts, and better health.

Is communication that big of a deal? Does it bring to you anything that is of a benefit? Does remembering really help?

Instead of blacking out, acting out without internal awareness, one is not able to fix the underlying issue, looking for external means to fix what was originally an internal problem.

With communication, one can fix problems/conflicts at the source, with almost surgical precision.

Like Una+ said not just for abuse issues, but making decisions etc. Also, in my system at least, we have specialists, who are able to see things I cannot, so for example, warn me to keep my phone on me, as I would be getting an important call from the school, and what it would be about, or how to best execute a plan of construction, possible weak points and how to fix it, what problems would happen if I didn't head it.(All of which happened, I didn't listen).

I do believe internal communication is important for DID and non-DID alike really, although with non-DID it may be more difficult as it's not so "in one's face."

Thank you both for your answers. I am greatful for your replies. Now I just need to work on the communication part!

DID is as varied as people and their individual situations. Some have easy communication with their alters. Some have lots of "blending" and co-consciousness. Some have little communication with other alters, no co-consciousness. Some lose lots of time, some lose little time, or are unaware of time lost. Symptoms depend on each individual person and their situation.

I would have to agree that open communication is a goal worth striving for.

Many of us have lived decades with this disorder, not realizing that they have it. The insiders have been mostly quiet and it has been easy to go on with life.

But then, some things may have triggered inner chaos/conflict and after that life hasn't been so easy anymore.

To get help, therapy for example, inner communication is needed. Has to be learned to be able to heal.

Snuffthroostr, I think those are totally legitimate questions that many DID ask themselves. I've got co-consciousness with open sharing of the body whenever someone wants it, except limited sharing at work because my skills match the job best. It never dawned on me to consider it stealing, since all of us inhabit the body and belong here. I used to think that it was mine alone but that was an illusion.

Once I fully realized I had DID, communication was probably my #1 goal. I had read enough about multiplicity over the years the know that one part of a multiple system is not the entire mind. So for me, trying to remain just me alone seemed absurd. In my alters I've discovered all sorts of abilities, skills and personality traits that I'd always dreamed of having. Discovering and welcoming my alters was like raising a window shade in my room to find that what I thought I was seeing in color were actually shades of gray because now I could perceive the actual vibrant colors. As I begin to sense us as whole, I experience myself/ourself as exponentially more interesting, well-rounded, capable and strong a person than I ever did before.

There was never much fighting or trouble-causing behavior in my system compared to some. But communication among us has smoothed out our roughest edges. It's led to mutual respect as we learn why individual parts took on certain traits from the abuse to protect us. Dealing with the reality of DID, processing the memories, reversing the effects of the abuse has been incredibly tough. But at times there is a sense of inner peace and wholeness that I myself never experienced.

I've only done a fraction of it so far, but remembering, after the pain is over, is gratifying. I want to know who I am. I want to know what happened. I deserve to know.

I think a lot of systems, possibly the majority, move into general stability for a long period of time, with a few problems like lost time, as you described. I say majority because I suspect there are thousands, maybe millions, of people out there who still just don't know -- and may never discover -- they have DID. It's not up to me to decide what anyone should do though. Unless their life were completely out of control and painful and they were in jeopardy, I might not say anything.

You got some great advice! I would also add that sometimes allowing someone 'out' to talk with the T helps them get that one-on-one attention which allows them to deal with the experience themselves for their own healing. I mean, you may be told that your 6 yr old self went through x and can have similar or different emotions evoked from that knowledge...but it isn't quite the same as that alter who is re-experiencing it as if no time had passed. Does that make sense?

I mean..my 15 yr old son knows I HAD to work and leave him at a daycare so he intellectually knows he could feel abandoned as a 2 yr old....but Kerron..his 2 yr old alter - has all the fear, loneliness, and abandonment as real as the day he felt it. . . being able to hold him and reassure him and help him express his feelings, feel them, and find a healthy resolve to them...doesn't change he felt it and it hurt..but now he is moving past that as most children do after the initial separation anxiety occurs...

He is able to stop grabbing my arm when he comes out. He is starting to act like a happy 2 yr old instead of scared sad boy. And it DOES affect the whole system, because my son at 15 (host) is not feeling so much anxiety when/if we have to be apart...even moving towards acceptance that one day I will be gone (death)...which - 2 months ago, he could not even talk about.