Do you like your alters better than yourself?

This is obviously an issue for therapy, DID or not, but with getting to know Dan in a whole new way today, I find that I like pretty much every alter I have better than I like myself. I know I get down on myself and am my best critic but I really, really like these other parts of me. Except it feels false to say that because what I really feel is that I like these people. The kids, I just want to pick them up and hug them and take them to Disney World or wherever they want to go. The others I admire for their whole personalities, their unique attitudes and abilities. I'm not that fond of me but I can still cut myself some slack for doing the best I knew how in a tough situation missing most of the facts. I've learned to take a quick compliment if someone then moves on to another topic. But any more than that, you may as well be pouring hot tar on me.

I suppose liking my alters is a step in the right direction. Of course it is. But I like them better than me. Thing is, I don't think they like me all that well. There's an answer in here somewhere but danged if I can find it.

I really do understand this line of thinking...see I associate more with my alters and not the biologival me..like they are what I should be and the biological me is the mistake the stranger.

We are our own harshest critics, it's much easier to like others, (normal people included) than ourselves. It sounds like you have more of a self esteem issue than anything else.

I can really relate to the writings that say the hosts are usually depressed, lack self esteem and so on.

I find it hard to find self worth but I find it easy to find alter worth.

So in short ; yes.

B

bourbon wrote:I can really relate to the writings that say the hosts are usually depressed, lack self esteem and so on.

I find it hard to find self worth but I find it easy to find alter worth.

So in short ; yes.

B

^ this.

I can understand that. I have always had low self esteem. And I can't say Jen always helps in that area. But I used to have very mixed feelings about her. I thought she could really be an asshole much of the time, which she had no problem agreeing with, but at the same time, there was a part of me that truly admmired her. However, I write this in past tense because, some time ago, she did something that really hurt me emotionally, and since then I've found it very hard to trust her with about anything, and her talents, over time, have just come to make me jealous, not admiring. So I can't really say that I still feel that admiration like I used to. Or if I do, it's buried under some things I can't let go of. But I can say that the jealousy is pretty strong, which means that I still feel that there is a lot there TO admire. If that maakes any sense...

Yes. I actually feel love toward my alters. But I can't see anything good about myself. We try to write down good things about ourselves. It's hard to do but we're working on it.

I guess its not at all surprising the level of low self-esteem a lot of us experience. Always being able to see good and worth in other people and finding it extremely hard to see it in ourselves. I had a rare night of: "do you know what, I'm not actually that bad a person!" and it was such a rare moment that I even blogged about it!

B

I actually feel love toward my alters. But I can't see anything good about myself.

Absolutely. Honestly, I hate myself - but I feel love towards my alters. It's kinda sad but at least it's a start.. :/

- Nin