For The Children

OK Guys, all is fine now, but last night I would have liked to carry through with my plan to end it all. This is way too difficult a life to keep living. So I didn’t, obviously, & here I am, wakening to the same old same old. Wise words from an old T: If you don’t like your life, change it. How I wish I could. I have been around enough to know (or reasonably assume) that I am one of the lucky DIDs – if there is such a thing. I’ve read posts that have lead me to believe that I have slid through unscathed, at least in comparison to some of you. However, I am finding out that this is just another clever twist that helped me to keep going another day or week or month. Another year. My life, theoretically, is more than half over. What do I have to show for it? What can I be proud of?...certainly not my legacy. I have done nothing. Correction: I make certain, always have, to wave & smile at children – everyone I come across – try to get them to smile, just in case they haven’t yet smiled that day. At least they’ll have a smile to think about when their head hits the pillow. One time, I had words with a women in a bathroom at Wal-Mart because she slapped her 2? year old across the face so hard that it made me cry. Yesterday, I had dialed 911 to get the police/CPS to help two little boys, one 5?, one 3? Bc their Grandmother was threatening the tiny one with his very life. I physically scooped him up & set him on the CS counter & he hugged me – didn’t want to let go. Eventually, I grabbed his older brother & lifted him to the counter as well. It was clear to me that the older one had been through abuse enough to thwart the hope of possible safety that his younger sibling still held. The eyes were different & told slightly different stories. I honestly have felt all of my adult life that my sole purpose – my only grace – was to help children. Put a smile on their faces, help them to feel of value & important. I did that for these two boys. Big deal. To the children’s detriment, the police officer seemingly in charge was a F**%$#g .A.H. He failed to see a problem bc the Grandmother chose to sit in a chair & be convincingly polite when they approached. Honestly, in the time it took for the police to arrive, 5 minutes?...the Grandmother allowed for a stranger to pick up those boys &, however temporary, take custody of them. Who does that? I just can’t bear to know those children will end up, most likely, like all of us. I can’t bear it! I don’t know what to do more than cry for them, pray for them. I cried & prayed for me when I was their ages & fat lotta good that did (sorry God, but its true). I’m sorry to posts sad stuff. I just had to get this out.

I have no words but thank you for posting that. *safe hugs*

YOU made a difference in those children's lives in my opinion. For all you know my dear not one soul has ever come to their rescue while they were scared. YOU did that. It may have been the first time that those boys felt a positive touch. YOU did that!
IF this is all you have ever accomplished in your life then your life still has purpose! We all know that this isn't the only time in your life that you have been a comfort for someone else. That is purpose....to care about the feelings of strangers, that is purpose.
I say thank you! I wish I had had someone in my life intervene in the way that you did.
The real problem in this world is that too many are not willing to stand up when someone is doing something wrong, it's easier to turn our heads. YOU stood up!
THANK YOU!

We would like to give you a great big hug for that. I hope to all that is good that those children can find peace and an escape that wont leave them the way we all are. I wish them sanity and strength. You are a fantastic person and at least those children will know someone cared about them, so please never give up fighting the battle of depression and craziness. The world does need you.

Aww I'm so happy you are making such a difference in those kid's lives. And with the grandma, maybe it didn't seem to have an effect on her, but the seed was sown.

I wish there were more people out there like you.

had to stop reading cause it was hurting but I know what you're trying to say.... think a lot of you for that.
B

You made me cry and I don't do that often!

Thanks for the support. I really appreciate it. Didn't realize I was feeling so low - don't usually get that way, but the mis-treatment of children gets me everytime. Anyway, I'm so thankful for this forum. I just couldn't hold that inside.

Sotrsab wrote:the Grandmother allowed for a stranger to pick up those boys &, however temporary, take custody of them. Who does that?

I wasn't there but my guess is someone who cares about them and knows they're safer in a stranger's custody than her own.

I absolutely think you got through to the two boys and made a difference. Children know instinctively what feels right, safe, good. I have recalled a very important incident that happened around age three. My DID mother used to fume to herself in public, her nasty alter coming out and arguing back with her or just complaining about the fact that she was required to take care of someone else's children. Once I heard a lady in a store whom we didn't know challenge her, criticize her behavior somehow, and call her crazy. The altercation was brief and I didn't even know what the word crazy meant other than something bad. But in my mind, the other woman "won." She was saying my mother was a bad lady, something was wrong with her, that she was mean, maybe sick. It was very needed confirmation of my own sense of reality. That momentary comment made a difference in my thinking, helping me form attachments to other women, my grandmother, an aunt, friends of the family, all of whom were kind to me and made me feel good. I never, ever believed my mother after that when she tried to convince me with an argument like "I'm your mother and I know what's best."

What may be even more important for the boys, it seems probable that you got through to the grandmother. She had a moment to reflect on her behavior, she was sort of forced to because her normal behavior was "rudely interrupted" by you. Even if she did little or no reflection, the fact that police became involved let her know, possibly for the first time ever, that her behavior could have serious consequences for her. She sounds like a nasty person, probably damaged, but reality can bite even the nastiest person and cause a shift in their behavior. You were a natural hero in that situation and my guess is even the grandmother recognized that to some extent.

Can I add - that others might have witnessed your act and you may have inspired them to intervene at some point with someone. Ripples in the water, hon.... some 'good' people feel like if they intervene, they'll get in trouble. You showed that even if you can't control whether the authorities do anything, you CAN make a difference - and that doesn't mean you will get in trouble for trying. Good for you!