isolation

Hi everyone. I just wanted to find out, is it a DID thing to always prefer and want to b in isolation or own your own a lot? I am very anti-social and avoidant and prefer to bon my own. Of course then theres the confusing part of wanting to find at least one person you can be close to to attach yourself. But I just wondered if the isolation requirement by people with DID?

Um...I put myself in isolation a lot because I don't want to show my "freakiness" to other people. And, I'm afraid of other people. I don't like to be around other people. I have almost no friends because of it. So, for me, yeah, I'm isolated on purpose.

-- Wed May 30, 2012 10:45 am --

But I don't think it's a "requirement" for DID.

Lol yea I guess I kind of meant: do people with DID prefer to be in isolation ... Because they would feel happier and safer that way. I know I do.

I do too. When in isolation it means no one can hurt me. N one is around to abuse. I grew up learning that lesson. It's a hard lesson to un-learn.

Me as an alter, I am a very social person, an extrovert. I love being around people and I'm good in social situations. However, for many years, I've isolated outside of work badly. It was definitely the DID and not feeling able to be my full real true self with people, though I didn't understand what that really meant. I know a lot of people with DID are fearful of others, but I would assign that to the abuse before I would assume it's natural to you. I did a blog post about extrovert/introvert among all of my alters because I noticed we were all along the spectrum.

I assume we are an extrovert by nature. The one of us who seems most aligned with the natural body is an extreme extrovert. I just want us to be who we are by nature. I feel so robbed of who I shoulda coulda woulda been.

It's an upcoming assignment to get my butt out into the world and be with people to the extent that is my nature but the challenge is who do I hang out with. I don't want to be just me as an alter with people and I don't want to pretend I'm "normal." I've wasted way too much time doing that. I'm finding it a challenge to meet people with dissociative disorders and I live in a major metropolitan area. The idea of posting on craigslist or something feel ridiculous and possibly dangerous. I really think I am going to go to the city park some day with a T-shirt saying "DID" and see what happens. But there's got to be a better way for those of us with dissociative disorders to spend time with people (anyone) in a way that's comfortable and safe.

hmmm that makes me wonder. all of us, except a few little ones, are all reserved and withdrawn. The youngest, 3yr, is exceptionally talkative. The little ones are shy, but once they get to know you then they are ever so social, they sing and talk and talk and talk... whereas the rest of us don't.

I was told that as a child I was much like this - very outgoing and lively. But going through trauma I dramatically changed. I, or rather, we are all probably supposed to also be very outgoing and lively as that is how I basically entered life. But because of trauma, etc, we became withdrawn and just learnt to even hate people because of the things we had been through. Time will tell when the wounds start to heal... perhaps we'll all start becoming more lively. I don't know, one can only guess... but for now I do rather prefer isolation - although I have people I know that are trying ever so hard for me to not be so isolated... frustrating because it goes against everything I 'need' and 'want'.

My younger sister was very much like you describe reports of how you were. This makes me sad for both of you. I remember her as a child under five years old, though she doesn't. She was vivacious and spirited. I now know of or suspect abuse she endured later and she has been very wary and closed off since then. Some of that lowered in high school but later she tended to hang out with people who were cynical and distrustful of people, who influenced her to move even further in that direction. I've told her many times over the past couple decades that I remember her as an outgoing carefree child until a certain age and that I believe that is her natural state, and this was even after a great deal of abuse from the mother.

75% of the population are extroverts. I think common sense tells us that if your environment isn't safe, particularly if your caregivers -- read parents -- aren't people who protect you, worse, are people that abuse you -- it's pretty hard to develop trust. How could you? I do trust most people but I was only able to do that by developing DID and because the abuse wasn't intermittent rather than continuous. There are parts of us who have trouble trusting anyone. My own rule of life as a child was: home = not safe, rest of the world = safe; parents = not safe, other adults not connected to my parents = safe.

My rule was parents=not safe, rest of world= not safe.

Home=not safe and away =not safe.

It's how I became housebound in an abusive environment.

And i was born with huge anxiety issues including selective mutism.

I was never ever destined to be one of those extroverts!

I have a book on "highly sensitive people". Fits me almost perfectly.

B

My rule was parents=not safe, rest of world= not safe.
Home=not safe and away =not safe.

I can relate to that.
To me though, people=not safe; school, other's home=not safe; city, buses, world= caution, but nature, wilderness, animals, my home=safe.

So I do isolate, for various reasons, such as...social situations are incredibly triggering, most people remark how social I am, but I'm not, it's incredibly draining, and I'm on edge the whole time to 'perform.'

I naturally can only handle limited social contact w/o getting overwhelmed. People are alot of work. I prefer a very small group of friends or needy people in my life. Always have from earliest memories of life.

I have a tendency to "loose" myself when around other people, I really don't like that and it still feels out of control, so I keep people at a distance in order to keep a firm boundary. Prior my boundary was a solid-not like family, now w/o foo I seem to be more adrift in identity(?), just a hovering cloud of a person, loosely formed, I can adapt, but I still can't trust myself to behave how I want. I have a more 'solid' I AM in isolation which is rather rewarding(less internal fighting).

I can't see how cruelly people treat each other and kin, it just tears me up inside to see it, I can't save everyone.

I've also found that I tend to attract and gravitate towards abusive people, so until I work through those issues, isolate, isolate, isolate. I now know if someone 'reminds' me of a foo member, run away!

*when I mean isolate though, it just means I keep acquaintances only, and try to not get sucked in conversations with strangers. I live my life, just with a whole lot less 'friends'. Do my schtick, go home.

Well, I'm not even sure who we are really but I'd like to know. Jonathan has complained when he has to fill in for me, that I'm just too much. Too out there, too animated, too "big." He thinks he's fine the way he is, and it's true he's perfectly fine socially, but in trying to turn it up to be me, it's draining and he just can't pull it off. It's awkward and he's concerned people will notice so he prefers not to do it, though he's fine being himself with people who don't know me. This all drives me nuts. I isolate terribly but I don't think it's at all natural for me. But the less you're involved with other people and the world, the more you can avoid all the triggers.