Received my diagnosis. It hurts.

Diagnosis:DID

I can't run from it anymore. The pain is overwhelming. I thought getting the diagnosis would feel good. Validating. Affirming. It did for about twenty minutes. R and I even laughed together on the way home. But then the waves of terror started coming. Even thinking about it sends me into an overwhelmed state. But not thinking about it doesn't seem to help either.

Why is this so painful? Isn't this what I wanted???

Yes! The Dx is very important. It validates EVERYTHING!!!

I remember my 1st moments after the DX - thought my life was over. Did research, screwed up a bunch, said some prayers, still struggling, but...it helps greatly to reach out. Trusted ppl only, but do reach out.

My fav quote is not from a book but from my T. He said, "All behavior is purposeful in the system - it makes sense from their perspectives." Write this on a sticky or a note card. Put it on the fridge, on your bathroom mirror, in your car...wherever. Even if you don't believe it now, you will come to find it comforting in the future.

So...in the days ahead, hopefully, this will be ingrained in your brain. Stay in touch. My system cares about your system, & I think that you will find this forum a comfort to you as well. YOU are welcome here...

Hi there! i can't pretend to know what it is like first-hand. My son just got his diagnosis 2-3 wks ago. He really went through a lot of fear...what if he loses himself? What if he can't control it? what if what if what if....

What helped - was communicating with his alters in a 'conference' form. Finding out their feelings about things, what they needed/wanted and setting down some rules. At first, he was kind of a dictator about the rules "no coming out without my pre-approval" and the like.

As he conferenced more and got to know them as individuals...he also realized things needed to be more of a 'reasonable' democracy. yes...he is the primary one 'out'. He is the one people recognize at school and at family gatherings...and so it became a matter of what is going to be best for the system?

While the other 4 have only come out under kind of 'appointments', we are now moving to a little more 'freedom' so to speak. Part of this isn't that he wanted them to hide away, but because switching hurt..migraines...and because it wasn't prudent for one of the two (under 10 yr old) children to come out while he was doing High School classes...they'd get bored....

Anyway..I may ramble, but since it's 'new' over here too..maybe you could PM him sometime. He hasn't created his user name...he's been shy but anxious to have a support group...so I think he will be posting his own pretty soon...it will help to know he is not alone. And also...someone told me not to look at this as a negative...but as a positive...the diagnosis and willingness of your others to come forward - is a sign that you are ready to start some healing.

It's what you needed brandic. It does different things for everyone, I suppose, but I think in your case it will really help you heal. You don't deserve to be in so much denial. I know it's probably not going to take away denial completely, but I believe that time will come, when you don't deny anymore.

And the truth will set you free.

I think that there's a measure of finality in a diagnosis that can be scary.

Up until the Dx, you're basically self-diagnosing. Which isn't a bad thing, because I think people who are multiple CAN often tell once they know what to look for, but it's not someone outside the system going "we can tell what's going on and this is what it is". That to me is a bit scary! If they can tell, who else can tell? A therapist might be safe, but what about other people? Then there's the matter of... well, assuming it's the right Dx, it's not something you can ignore anymore. It's real. It's really real. Even if you knew it was real before, sometimes there's a period of shock that comes after an affirmation.

And there might also be a grieving period that follows a Dx. Something happened to you. Maybe up until now, it's been buried or ignored or denied. But now? It's not really something you can bury, ignore or deny. Especially when a therapist now knows "the game" and is considering ways to help you "win it". So, people start dealing with it, and there's a lot of fear, anger, sadness and such that can come with it.

It's going to hurt, but you will all be okay. It might take a long time, and there might be some inner scars, but one day it will be okay.

It does hurt because in short it is like the final explanation. It also hurts because it causes you (others) to face things that we don't want to. I've gone through months of denial and only in the past week have learned to accept it more. I know there will continue to be times in the future that I will deny, but each time since the DX, the "episodes" are shorter lived. Just remember, that your alters/other parts/others or whatever you may call them are there for you.

Of course it hurts..you have been threw more then and one person should and now you have the dx to prove it. But like I said before no matter what you will be okay. Or else what hope do the rest of us have? DID is a threatable dx that people are fully capable of healing from, and tho it my take time, you are strong enough to overcome or (as I said before) you wouldnt have made it this far. Why turn back now? That will only make things worse for you. Press onward. And I admire your strength and emotions. You will be okay. Just takes time.

It doesn't feel okay

Right now...but there's always a rainbow and sunshine after the storm

Brandic
I know it hursts but it will get better.You will get through this.At least you know for sure would you are up against.Hang in there and we send our hopes for your healing.Keep your head up.
Regards
Us