Crisis *May Trigger*

I'm sick of being me.

I'm a burden to my family. When I have problems they have to suffer right along with me. It's not fair and I have no right to make their lives a living h#** like mine.

But, I can't seem to stop it. I can't hold myself together right now and I'm dragging everyone down with me.

Advice?

I can't hold myself together right now and I'm dragging everyone down with me.

Advice?

I'm sorry you're having such a tough time. I've seen your posts this past week and you seem to be struggling a lot. You are so strong to keep going and keep asking for advice and support!

Have you considered voluntary commitment to a mental health facility? They will keep you safe and be able to support you in your difficult time. I know this isn't an option for everyone (financially, trigger wise et cetera). I just thought I'd at least mention it.

Other than that I find that the best way for us to get through difficult times is to do self care. What that involves for you may be different than for us but for us it's about being as comfortable and meeting as many needs as possible until the world kind of makes sense again.

As for dragging other down - as an adult you are responsible for your life. Those around you has that same responsibility - it's not your job to make sure others are comfortable or not being dragged down by you (assuming it's not just your perception of the situation). You are who you are and those who choose to be around you have done just that - chosen to be around you. Let them take care of themselves and try to take care of you!

- Nin

Lifelongthing gave some solid advice.

Sometimes, the best thing to do is stop, listen, analyze.
There are always options, some may be unpleasant, but they are there, which would provide the best long term solution? What about short term? Coming up with a game plan really helps me.
If it's suicidal type crisis, breaking things down to bearable parts help.
With family type crises, same thing, break it down into what you can do, can't or won't/can't...now how can you change it?
What are your can do changes that still give you integrity, honor, peace of mid, etc? You can work on yourself, you can't nor shouldn't take responsibility for other's emotional reactions, that is their burden, not yours.
Hope it gets better soon! Sometimes a small step in the right direction makes all the difference internally.

I have found that in relationships, there are times when one takes more and another gives more. For many years, my husband was on the giving end, then as things got better for me, I was in a place where I was able to be the one who gave more during some times when he was in need. Hopefully, as you heal, you will also find yourself in a place where you are able to be the one who gives more. But if you don't accept the help and support of your family right now when you need it, it will take you a lot longer to get to the point where you are able to give to others.

I've thought about going to the hospital and staying in inpacient care but I wouldn't have anyone to take my kids to school in the morning. I don't have a lot of options.

I want to say I feel better, but all of me is thinking that it's true and I am a burden. I know how unfair it is that my fiance has to rush home from hanging out with his friend every time I have a breakdown. Or that he has to stop what he's doing, how he's feeling, and deal with my problems first.

I don't want to be this way.

w4rp3dh4l0 wrote:I'm sick of being me.

I've had this exact feeling for many years. What I think is accurate is that I am sick of being just the me part of us, without all of me present and contributing. I'm sick of what happened to me and having not figured out yet how to heal it. I'm sick of the triggers and shutting down my life so I can avoid all triggers. I'm sick of not having known I was even doing that. I'm sick of the trauma I endured, both "me" as another alter and me myself of horrible things that my alters didn't experience. I'm sick of knowing I can do better and have done better but not being able to right now. It would be one thing if I had physical limitations. But they're all just emotional and psychological so don't "feel" like valid excuses, even if they are.

I'm a burden to my family. When I have problems they have to suffer right along with me. It's not fair and I have no right to make their lives a living h#** like mine.

Everything that happened to you was not fair so to hold yourself fully responsible for what's happening for you now isn't logical or fair. You have a right to push through this and try to get healthy. Even if they're too young yet to fully understand, your kids want that for you.

But, I can't seem to stop it. I can't hold myself together right now and I'm dragging everyone down with me.

Holding yourself together as it was is not really possible anymore once you start acknowledging the DID. It's mostly not a reversible process. You can aim for maintaining as much stability and self-forgiveness as possible though.

Would it be possible to minimize the expectations of yourself? To be as fair to yourself as you would to anyone else going through a similar crisis? You would cut others some slack, wouldn't you? You're dealing with more than an average person ever has to deal with. Give yourself permission not to be high-functioning. Allow yourself to crash sometimes. If you stick with it, there is stability on the other side of all this and it may come sooner than you think.

Im sorry your in such pain and confusion. I think the other comments are a good place to start. Your not alone.

I guess you're right and I should take it easy on myself. Right now, I don't feel like me but I don't have a sence of who I am right now. It's like my system is all out of wack. I don't know how to feel or what to think. I'm sort of in a state right now where I don't really know what's going on so I don't feel depressed any more, which is good, but it's not a good thing that I feel so empty.