I feel triggered...

I need some support. Every time I read a mention of EMDR and any basic EMDR exercises I feel super triggered. I know that some therapy techniques were used on us to initially create our system and I think this might be one of them. Though I don't have memory properly of it so I can't seem to find a way to make it feel better. I know for sure the therapy techniques were used on me, especially heavily the ones that bypass conscious memory, as I have indisputable outside evidence of that. But that doesn't help me know exactly what happened or know how to get over the triggers. I feel terrible and it's like there is nothing I can do about it.

I'm sorry it's triggering you. I would love to offer some support, though I'm not much sure what I can say. When there is something I have an objectively reasonable reason to be scared of (like this is for you) I usually try to, instead of working with telling myself that "it's not dangerous", tell myself that "it's not dangerous now". I tell myself that I am an adult now and I can keep us safe. They won't hurt us using any kind of technique now; trying to focus on the safety of now (easier said than done, obviously). You are strong and capable and from what I've read you do a great job with your system We're here to give support in whatever way we can!

- Core/Host

I feel a bit calmer for reading your suggestions. I think I probably feel extra bad about it lately because the person who used those techniques on me has been trying really hard to contact me lately. It is really hard for me to resist. And I don't want to get back in the position where that person has access to use those things on me again because I only just managed to get away from that person a few months ago.

It is really hard for me to resist. And I don't want to get back in the position where that person has access to use those things on me again because I only just managed to get away from that person a few months ago

I know I don't know you but I have to say please do keep away. They/that person is obviously very dangerous and you've done a great job of building yourself up and keeping away until now. I have been in that same situation and all I can say is that it gets easier with time. The longer time you stay away the more all alters and you realize a life without it is worth fighting for and it gets easier to stay away even when you feel that you shouldn't. You are all strong and I believe you can fight for yourselves! We're here for you

- Core/Host

Salted, I am so sorry this is triggering you. Of all things to be triggered by, that one's gotta to be tough.

I really don't know what to say except that I am thinking of you and wish I could wrap you up in safe hugs. PM me if you want to

It is really hard for me to resist.

I can relate, it sucks. ((Big safe hugs)).

I see triggers an arrow pointing to something I need to work on. It's not always obvious what that is. I like triggers. I like to fix the problem. It usually takes my LC to get me to figure out what that problem is however.

Step back, step forward, look all around - can you see more?

salted lipstick wrote:I need some support. Every time I read a mention of EMDR and any basic EMDR exercises I feel super triggered. I know that some therapy techniques were used on us to initially create our system and I think this might be one of them.

So sorry this happened. A woman discovered the basics of "bilateral stimulation" in 1987 but it didn't get used broadly until 1995 it seems. But as with any technique or no particular technique, in the hands of someone who is not fully competent, we can be harmed even if there is also some help.

I went to a T for a couple years around 1990. He was safe enough for me to use to "talk out" some of my stuff (he was sort of like a blank slate) and I did explore things enough to discover two alters, though I didn't quite believe I had a serious case of DID until last year. The T had no idea how to handle my comments about these two alters. Overall, he was just incompetent.

It also became clear over time that he was manipulating me into continuing to see him and only him, never seeking help outside of him. He was actually even more caustic than that in some ways. He kept my best friend going to him for 20+ years, although my friend admits he hasn't had much movement on the inner problems he sought him out for originally. I actually moved from NYC to California for a year in part to break off therapy with him. God, I hate admitting he had that control over me but it was there.

When I began to challenge my friend about his unproductive addiction to this therapist years ago, the T actually warned him to stop discussing his therapy with me because it would jeopardize the therapeutic process. Over time, I gave up on our friendship because he couldn't get outside the box the T had built with him and the situation was just too triggering for me.

I feel terrible and it's like there is nothing I can do about it.

That sounds very, very real. Can you focus on the feeling of wanting to communicate that inside? Your alters do want to help you, each in their own way. I've had to ask for help inside even though I had no idea what that help could possibly look like nor did I know what the problem really was that I was seeking help for. It can help obviously the more specific you can be. I don't always have the presence of mind to ask for help inside and often I've waited until I feel in utter chaos. But I've found generally that they deliver what they can in whatever way they can.

Salted, I'm so sorry you're feeling triggered by all the EMDR stuff. That really stinks. Perhaps I'm a bit of a masochist like Tylas, but when I know exactly what is a highly triggering thing I seek it out even more so that it stops triggering me (of course most of the time I have no idea what the heck is triggering me). Maybe this sounds weird, but perhaps reading more on EMDR and the positive aspects of it, how it's helped people like JJ and others, and what the proper use of it is may help you to isolate the trigger from EMDR in general to the piece of $### T who traumatized you.

And, JJ, your story just really pisses me off. But, I guess there's narcissistic, cult-like crazy bas###s in therapy just like there is in religion and everywhere else. Man, I hate those people.

boopsy26 wrote: Perhaps I'm a bit of a masochist like Tylas,