T says he wants to write a book about me :S

I took the big step today of, for the first time in the whole of our therapy, hinting at the fact that our numbers are above 400. We couldn't get the courage to say the exact number but this is still a huge improvement from our staunch silence on the matter. We have lots of weird rules that have prevented us from saying anything about it previously...

He responded by jokingly saying "I think that has to be some kind of record, I should write a book on you..."

I'm not sure if this remark means he doesn't believe me or what???

It's not the first time he's jokingly mentioned he should write a book on us, he's probably said it about 7 or 8 times during the time we've been in therapy. I think because we are a quite unusual case and our system and rules and set up work quite differently from most DID people. I sort of half wonder if he's serious about maybe writing a book one day.

I really don't know how to broach this subject with him to ask if he was joking and disbelieving of the number we said. I know if we ask it is likely that some parts that try to undermine our therapy will try to convince him we were lying. I don't know what to think about his reaction or how to respond. Thoughts?

I take it that he thinks of you as unique, and valuable, like people could learn alot from you, and your experiences/system etc.; so to me that's a good thing. That being said, I'm also a bit paranoid of being "exposed" so that part would freak me out.

I think it sounds like he's testing the waters, like he's looking for your reactions so that he can broach it with more seriousness at some future date.

No, I wouldn't take that as he doesn't believe you.... perhaps he's just a little bit overwhelmed himself? It sounds like he's far from used to dealing with big systems - especially if he thinks that around 400 is a record? I guess humour is the way to go when peopole don't really know what to say... awkward I know.

I agree with Borg and Bourbon. The mind is so vast. I think his laughter can be a release of the acknowledging of that.
You are so Brillant! I love that! i read it in a book and also heard a couple of different people state it. You have to be a brillant child to be able to create multiples. So embrace yourselves! Have you ever felt like writing? I say write your own book if you feel so inspired.
Also, i have at different times felt i knew what someone else was thinking, but then when i checked it out, what they said felt like truth, and i had missed it. I think the only way to know what he is thinking is to ask him.
Blessings from Farrah

Perhaps he is waiting for your okay and I am sure he believes you. Your actions while in therapy have shown him all he needs to know.

400 is not a record, but if there are 400 alters that can stand alone unlike fragments, and you can handle the pressure of having a book about you - that is what is unique. At least that is what I was told about me - not the 400 part, but having so many parts that are real alters and mostly that I can handle the pressure.

I was approached about having someone write a book about me and said okay and we have been working on one for months. It is a good way to learn more things about yourself. Just understand your privacy will be invaded and you would have to handle that.

It sounds to me like he's just commenting on how unique you are, but I could be wrong.

The most important thing to remember is to not let him pressure you into actually being a part of a book if you don't want to.

Personally, I would be put off by this. My view of therapists is that they are supposed to be neutral and non judgmental. Even if he is surprised by the number of alters, I think it’s something he should keep to himself. Therapy time should be about you not him. Sorry I could be entirely wrong. Also nothing good came from the books written about Eve or Sybil (Sybil Exposed) both were discovered to be vastly overstated. If he did write a book about you it would be about his findings, his views and opinions of you. Not something I would consider.

Hi hon

I think that it sounds like there are 2 questions floating round here.

Does he really mean he wants to write a book about me?
If so do I want to do it?

If those are the right questions then this is how I would think about them.

The first one I would not think he wanted to unless he came out and said it and asked directly. "write a book about you" can be used flippantly when someone is surprised so it might be that he is saying it like that. If he does want to write about you he will have to ask you outright. So if it was me I would wait and see if he did that.

The second question is if he did want to write about you would you let him? I think this is to do with whether or not you feel you could deal with having personal things about you that have been kept secret exposed. It may or may not be something you can deal with or want and I would think carefully about it if the opportunity arises.

Hugs

Cracked

What if....

He knows you are not into reviling too much as you show here on the forum, so...

He does want to write the book about you and is just testing the waters.

Just another thought to keep in mind.


I would just out and out ask him. I don't think anything should ever be kept from a T and you are wondering. Just do it! Ask!

Thank you Borg, Bourbon, Alln1 (Farrah), tylas, spartanfur06, Rosee, and CrackedGirl for your responses.

I suppose I just need to bite the bullet and get the confidence to ask him if he was serious or if he just uses the mention of writing a book when he is uncomfortably surprised and can't think of what to say. To be honest I feel less worried about the idea of him genuinely wanting to write a book about me than I do about the idea that perhaps he mentions the idea of writing a book every time I've said something that he feels surprised and out of his depth with...

A few of you mentioned it would be an invasion of privacy or exposing to have a book written about you... Can you please explain in what ways? I'm not sure I understand how it might impact me in those ways.

If he does genuinely want to write a book about me, which I think it is possible that he genuinely means it, I think that could be a potentially good thing. It may help other people. I certainly know that I could have done with reading a book about someone with as much programming as I have had because it has been a really difficult experience to endure with a lot of information out there that is purely technical and isn't much help if you can't remember the trauma behind the programming. I think a book could help therapists better know how to treat patients who have been programmed as well as patients better recognise the signs of being programmed and feel less scared, alone and ill-equiped to confront it.

Sorry, this is turning into a bit of an essay, but I just wanted to individually address some of your comments too... Feel free to skip my responses to individuals if you don't feel like reading... Read the responses where I've quoted you though!

Borg wrote:I take it that he thinks of you as unique, and valuable, like people could learn alot from you, and your experiences/system etc.; so to me that's a good thing.

Borg, reading this comment was so reassuring to me. I hope this is what he is thinking. That is a nice thought...

Borg wrote:I think it sounds like he's testing the waters, like he's looking for your reactions so that he can broach it with more seriousness at some future date.

After reading everyone's comments on this thread and reflecting, I think your suggestion of him testing the waters to broach it more seriously at some future date seems to be the most consistent explanation with the way he has behaved about it so far... So I think perhaps you are right in your thinking here... and I feel better about this insight that he is potentially laying the seed for the future, it makes me feel more prepared for what may follow in this discussion with him.

bourbon wrote:perhaps he's just a little bit overwhelmed himself?

yeah that is what I have been wondering too. He seems to always try to seem confident when I can tell he's overwhelmed as well. I feel a bit sorry for him to be honest. I know it must be hard for him because I'm so different in the way my system work than other DID patients and there doesn't really seem to be much in the way of resources that can say how to help with my particular system structure...

Alln1 wrote:You are so Brillant! I love that! i read it in a book and also heard a couple of different people state it. You have to be a brillant child to be able to create multiples. So embrace yourselves!

Such a nice thought for you to pitch in with, thank you!

Alln1 wrote:Have you ever felt like writing? I say write your own book if you feel so inspired.

This made me laugh as one of our system rules is to avoid writing. It's taken me ages to work through breaking down this rule on the computer and I actually based my whole career around not having to write, so I think perhaps the book writing won't happen by me that is for sure!

tylas wrote:400 is not a record, but if there are 400 alters that can stand alone unlike fragments, and you can handle the pressure of having a book about you - that is what is unique.

Yeah I don't think he genuinely thinks 400 is a record, he has a bit too much knowledge about DID to make such an ignorant remark. I think he was speaking about them being whole parts as opposed to fragments, which the majority of them are. What type of pressure is it to have a book written about you? Would you mind expanding on that further? I hope the book being written about you goes well tylas

spartanfur06 wrote:It sounds to me like he's just commenting on how unique you are

Yeah that could really be a possibility of what he was getting at too... I'm glad you mentioned this.

spartanfur06 wrote:The most important thing to remember is to not let him pressure you into actually being a part of a book if you don't want to.

I know he wouldn't ever pressure me. He has shown himself to be very worthy of my trust and very non-pressuring.

Rosee wrote:My view of therapists is that they are supposed to be neutral and non judgmental. Even if he is surprised by the number of alters, I think it’s something he should keep to himself.

Therapy wouldn't actually work for me if I didn't have a therapist who could express some of his own reactions to things I say. He is empathetic and accepting but he is not going to sit there and pretend he doesn't have an opinion if he does. I appreciate that. Otherwise I would spend too much time worrying about what he might be thinking rather than concentrating on my therapy. Also for a therapist to be completely neutral about things would come across to me personally as uncaring if he didn't have any emotional empathy about past trauma I was telling him about or difficulties I was having. And I view uncaring people as being potentially abusive. So I'm actually really glad that he can have empathy and sometimes express his own views and emotions about things I have said, it lets me know that he won't ever fall into the same neutral, unemotional and uncaring basket as my abusers did.

Rosee wrote:If he did write a book about you it would be about his findings, his views and opinions of you. Not something I would consider.

May I ask why it wouldn't be something you would consider? I would actually be very interested in reading what he had to say about me, I would imagine the book to turn out something like "A Life In Pieces" by Dr Richard K. Baer. I found that very refreshing to read what the therapist thought about his patient and how he helped her through the therapy process from his perspective...

Cracked Girl, Thanks for talking me through this a bit in YIM too, it helped me get my thoughts clearer much clearer about how I feel about his comment...

CrackedGirl wrote:if he did want to write about you would you let him? I think this is to do with whether or not you feel you could deal with having personal things about you that have been kept secret exposed.

How do you think this may be a potential problem for me?

tylas wrote:He does want to write the book about you and is just testing the waters.

Yes, the more I think about the way he has asked, the more I am inclined to think he is testing the waters and does want to write a book about me...

tylas wrote:I would just out and out ask him. I don't think anything should ever be kept from a T and you are wondering. Just do it! Ask!

Thanks for your encouragement! I think I will just have to bite the bullet and ask when I see him next session. I wonder what he will say? Maybe now he's mentioned it, I'd almost feel disappointed if he didn't actually want to write a book about me. It sort of makes me feel special that he'd even float the idea out there.