Friendship between alters?

Hi there. I'm a new member and my name is Ana. (This is actually a false name because my another half, Hailey(which is also a false name) is rather cautious and she doesn't agree that we'll use our real name. Sorry about that!)

Today I googled about "friendship among alters" out of curiosity and boredom. But i found very little expected results. Rather, i found lots of ppl with DID either said they dislike their alters or they want integration. So, my question is, Is it really rare that deep friendship exist among alters/ between alter? I hope to hear everyone's sharing!!

For me, maybe my situation is a bit unusual. I have only one alter, Hailey. Perhaps she has been here for a long time, but it's until last nine months we first fully acknowledge each other. She is like a sister and protector. She is very intelligent and very well-organized. I'm sorry if im praising her too much. I really like her. Biologically im 19 now but I(as Ana) am like a pre-teen little girl. Hailey is the one who can match up with the age (actually her maturity is far beyond that). So this is a little background of us.

I don't know if you can be best friends with your alters. But Hailey is really my best best friend in life. I've other close friends too but i feel that none of them can be better than Hailey. We're always co-conscious. When things become tough, she'll take over my part immediately. But im still there aware of the whole thing, just that im like emotionally uninvolved. When we're sitting for exams, she, as the intelligent one, always does it for me. And i just sit back and daydream:p We don't really switch. Most of the time we're chatting, joking and working with each other. Sometimes i doubt if this is a real DID, but since we have very distinguishable personalities, i think it probably is.

Does anyone have similar experience like this?? Also, do you think it's possible for us to keep this fulfilling relationship for a lifetime? I've never been to any form of counseling or therapy. I don't want to lose Hailey and Hailey thinks the present situation is good enough too. Well, so, i hope to hear others' sharing! Thanks a lot:)


P.s. I'm not an native English speaker. So please forgive my english.. I won't mind if anyone would like to ask for some clarifications on my wordings.

So, my question is, Is it really rare that deep friendship exist among alters/ between alter?

I don't think it's rare, just people are less apt to post about it. Not much to fuss about I suppose. I think if you do a search on twins, or groups, it'll come up. Also, I think it's a natural consequence of healing and opening up communication to dissociated parts of one's self.

Also, do you think it's possible for us to keep this fulfilling relationship for a lifetime?

Why not? Nothing is set in stone.

I'm actually really attached to Thinker. He tends to withdraw very deep inside, though, to the point where I can't talk to him or barely even feel him, and it's so disappointing when he does that.

Friendship with your alter is totally possible. They're people too, right? Well, in a way. And, just like with people, you can interact with them either positively or negatively. I think the reason some people don't like their alters is either their personalities clash or they're sick of each other. As long as the two of you can live harmoniously, which it sounds like you do, there's no need for integration.

Friendship with your alters is quite possible and, the more time you spend together, very likely. Everyone in my system considers the other alters friends to some extent, even if some, like Dan or Quato, might not select these other guys as their first choice for friends among all the people we've ever met. But we each do know that no one in the world is going to look after each of us better than the others here.

One thing that seems to create an intimate and permanent bond between any two alters that feels very like friendship or a sibling relationship is blending. Most of us have now deliberately or accidentally blended with another alter at some point. The deliberate can happen by two alters trying to be up front at the same time, then move closer, as if into a small closet together. Two identities remain but there is overlap as they share control of the body together at the same time. Nothing sapped Dan of his permanent anger more than blending with two littles.

I can honestly say I love each and every one of my alters. I am amazed at their uniqueness and proud of what they've been able to survive and deal with. I consider them all my friends and enjoy hanging out with them. If integration weren't eventually going to be liberating for each one of them, I wouldn't want to move toward it because I can't bear to think of not having these guys around. Nevertheless I know that we're all one and we'll be together, just in another way. As we've moved to each additional step of friendship and trust, the overall stability has risen. Last year, we were at odds and I could barely make it through a regular work day without falling apart. Now I'm looking at going for a larger job. I couldn't do it without their input and cooperation and support. And their friendship actually.

I play the Mother role - taking care of all alters in my system. I have found that this leads to them taking care of each other resulting in a healthy system. It's just like my real kids. They are so close it's crazy, but still very different from each other with a very strong sense of self in each of them. Its the same goal.

Friendship between alters is entirely possible, i thought it was not but i have 25 alters, we are all aware of one another, we all talk to one anotherm some have close friendships, some dislike one another, so i understand what you are saying, and yes it is possible this is a good website to chat to people and learn more about your condition. I was worried, when i realised my alters and I had friendsiops, i thought i did not have DID because i thought DID ment memory loss, not knowing what your alters are doing and living seperate lives but having alters with friendships is just another branch of this fascinating condition

AnaHailey
I would not say that the others are friends but more like beloved family members. Sure just like in any family there are differences of views and opinions but never would I want to be parted or away from them. They are parts of me that allows me to do thing I would otherwise not be able to do. I would miss our time together in this world, our inner world and it is, for me, depressing to think of seeing a day when they were no longer with me. So the answer to your question, yes with alters, others, parts, aspects, one can have a deep, fulfilling, meaningful, caring relationship that can be healthy. Then again like all relationships it does take work.
Us.

AnaHailey wrote:Rather, i found lots of ppl with DID either said they dislike their alters or they want integration.

I don't dislike my alters. Far from it. I don't consider to be friends with them either because for the alters that are most active, I am older so like tylas, it is like having a mothering role to some extent. If you don't want integration.. that's fine. No good therapist is ever going to force integration on you. If you feel you are functioning well in life with the set up you both have - why rock the boat?

Bourbon

Thanks for everyone's replies:) We have never talked about our situation with anyone else before. So its really good to hear others' story from here. And its really nice to know im not alone

watcheroflights wrote:Then again like all relationships it does take work.

I can't agree with you more... Since we are literally sharing life and the same body, it requires even more understanding, tolerance and sacrifice to cope with each other than in other relationships.

By the way, i notice that most of you here have more than 2 alters. So im thinking if it'd be very likely that we may have "new ones" in future too. But actually i don't want any new one. Hailey told me its okay if we don't want it, no new one will appear. But i doubt if we really have the control over it...
um.. im sorry if this is a silly question.

AnaHailey wrote:By the way, i notice that most of you here have more than 2 alters. So im thinking if it'd be very likely that we may have "new ones" in future too. But actually i don't want any new one. Hailey told me its okay if we don't want it, no new one will appear. But i doubt if we really have the control over it...
um.. im sorry if this is a silly question.

It's not a silly question at all, but I don't know if it's one we can really answer, sadly. Sometimes you think you have just one alter, but there are others that are still hidden, and sometimes you really do have just the one. Either way, there isn't much you can do and you should never purposely try to get rid of anyone new-- just my opinion of course, but it's always caused problems in my fiancee's system.

As for friendships, I would say Gwen's system is a lot like a family. They fight and squabble, but there are some very deep friendships. Gwen is really attached to all of them. And I love every one of them.