I am so crushed.

Damn. Now I really don't want to email it. It seems so horribly childish. I don't write like that except when I'm extremely emotional. I am embarrassed to send it. But I already told her I would email her about it...

Argh.

Anybody ever heard Katy Pary's song "Hot n' Cold" and felt it was talking about you specifically? It's an upbeat song but the lyrics describe my whole life.

Divided, your letter made me cry. In a good way. I've been isolating lately even from this community but your post and this letter helped me feel more connected. Thank you for your honesty and your bravery.

Damn. Now I really don't want to email it. It seems so horribly childish. I don't write like that except when I'm extremely emotional. I am embarrassed to send it. But I already told her I would email her about it...

I think all the more reason to send it/bring it. Tell her this too, that you are embarrassed you feel it is childish. And then you can work on both why you feel this way, why you invalidate what you feel, why you feel the way you do about how you feel. I think writing that out was a huge step and sending it will do a lot of good, even if it is painful at first. Most things have to get worse before they get better.

Thinking of you,
Sam

Thanks samsland. I did send it, along with explaining that I am embarrassed about how childish it sounds. I was freaked out to death at first, but after sending, I felt so much more connected to my own body and to the outside world instead of just getting lost in my zoned out mode.

Brandic, I am glad it helped you feel more connected. I am sorry it made you cry, but I guess since it was a good cry, that's a good thing. I was more connected to my feelings last night than I have been in a long time, since I was terminated by the last T. I am so thankful for everyone on this forum for your support in helping me do the right thing, the thing that is best for me, which is just to put myself out there, no matter what could happen.

I hope she gets to know another side of me, through my letter. I hope things get better, and that it all becomes more productive. While this therapist has totally helped me feel stable, now I feel like I need to work again. Like I'm ready to take some instability if it comes. I need her to be onboard with that. I hope she is.

I felt so much more connected to my own body and to the outside world instead of just getting lost in my zoned out mode.

You will make us all a bit stronger by doing this. Thank you!

Sam