Is it real? *Possible TW

I know that's a dumb question,

But I just got back from my therapy session, and somethings that he said really stuck to me. For one, he said that I have a "serious problem" that I'm "not in touch with reality".
He further went on, to say that "While other people are living in their physical bodies, you're living in your mind almost 100% of the time." So... what? What is he trying to say? I felt like a few of my insiders were very upset, but he did talk about the possibility of them being there. It's not like they aren't real to me, it's just that they are a part of my "fantasy".

I went in there today with a plan and I was going to tell him everything! But it turns out, I wasn't ready to talk, and I couldn't handle it... He mentioned going over some of the sexual abuse in my past, but I couldn't handle it. I feel really bad, and I don't know what to think right now. We're working on differentiating between whether or not the possible DID, (or psychotic disorder) is caused by chemical imbalance or if it's purely trauma.

I don't know, so... Does that mean that they aren't really real? I mean, I know they don't have physical bodies, they're in my mind, but would this mean that they aren't real? That I just made them up a long time ago, or made them up just recently for whatever reason? Has anyone else had this kind of experience?

I don't like the way your therapist puts that. If it's upsetting, it's probably not the way you need to handle this. Try talking about what he said and how it made you feel.

In my own opinion, regardless of which type of disorder you have, it's as real as it gets. If you have alters, then that's as real as it gets too. Just because they don't have some sort of physical body doesn't make anything less "real", just like angels and god, or ghosts and demons. You can't see them, but that doesn't make anything less true, right?

Don't beat yourself up about it so much. It's what you know, and you're the only person who really knows what's going on in that noggin. I understand the doubt, as I share it too, but you just gotta realize you didn't wake up one morning and decide, hey, I wanna make all this up. No, something happened that caused this to happen and that's fact. I wish you luck, and you aren't alone.

I'm curious if your doctor even believes that DID is a legitimate disorder? Many docs don't think it is. There are many overlapping similarities with schizophrenia (or other psychotic disorders), and positive psychotic symptoms are more related to DID than they are to schiz. anyways. If you were psychotic it's very unlikely that you would have gone in to therapy with "a plan", you likely would not be questioning whether you might be wrong, and you probably would not acknowledge that your "insiders" are in your mind. If your doc says you're psychotic, I'd suggest getting another opinion from a dissociative disorders expert before going any further... This is just my opinion.

Thank you so much for the responses, seriously, they are helpful.
Honestly, though, I think I'd rather have no disorders than have this weird confusion between two.

I'm just confused. I feel like he's the psychologist for a reason, he must know what he's talking about. But, I don't know. I don't think he's wrong or anything, but I felt a little weird. This would mean that I'm living in a world that is entirely in my head, but from what I've been reading here in the DID Forum, people with DID can have inner worlds, and things, right? I think I might have to go back and ask him about that particularly.

I like that you brought that up, boopsy26, because I don't really know if he believes in DID as a legit disorder. From what I've gathered about him in the passed week (about psychosis/possibility of DID), it seems he sometimes says things that suggests it's a possibility, but I don't know if it's a legit belief in it. I don't know how to approach him directly about DID instead of psychosis. I'm worried if he does end up either referring me to be diagnosed for psychosis, or treats me for that instead of DID (if that's even what I have) then I'll get more problems than solutions. I feel like everything I'm describing to him rings "Dissociative Identity Disorder" and I feel like what he's saying about me "living in a fantasy world" and being "disconnected from reality" also rings "DID!" but, I don't know if that's right, and I don't even know if the "trauma" in my past was really that bad to even develop DID.

First, trauma is subjective. You have PTSD- clearly something was "bad enough".
Second, you are absolutely right that if you get referred because of psychosis that you could end up with a whole heck of a lot of problems that don't exist right now. Be careful.
Third, psychologists know a lot about a little. And they only know a little about a lot of this stuff- it's a very new and controversial area of study and I would never trust any doctor just because he's a doctor- especially if he's not even a specialist. BTW- a lot of people live a life "all in their head" without having any disorders at all. This does not equate to psychotic in any way, shape, or form.
Here's a book, if you're interested, that is very technical but does an excellent job of differentiating between "psychotic" and "dissociative"...

Moskowitz, Schafer, & Dorahy. (2008). Psychosis, trauma, and dissociation: Emerging perspectives on severe psychopathology.

Take care.

boopsy26 wrote:First, trauma is subjective. You have PTSD- clearly something was "bad enough".

I guess so. I had always assumed that DID normally came of severe abuse, or trauma... But I can't recall ever having any severe trauma in my past at all. Or, the abuse was not very severe. I feel like I'd be able to remember if it were. And I'm really confused with the way my therapist explains it. Can most people, DID or not, tell the difference between what is real, and what isn't?

I have a possible alter who uses the Internet and phones a lot, and they end up talking to a lot of people and making friends out of nowhere, but he says they aren't real, they're in my head. But, the calls they made were real, the friends they made were real, and everything that they do is real...? This same alter apparently came out sometime last year during therapy too, and complained about being raped years ago, but I've never been raped, and it doesn't match up with any of my history, and I don't even remember going in to therapy last year at all. How would I know if any of that was real at all?

BTW- a lot of people live a life "all in their head" without having any disorders at all. This does not equate to psychotic in any way, shape, or form.

That's a huge relief! And thank you so much for the book recommendation! I will look into it as soon as I can.

Often when someone says you "live in your head" that means you have a lot of dissociative symptoms. There is a wide range of symptoms from "normal" absorption to pathological dissociation. Diagnosis does not require obtaining a history of trauma; diagnosis is based on current symptoms.

This psychologist (?) seems to be familiar with dissociation, but not experienced in assessing it. You can ask for a referral to someone who is experienced, specifically for assessment and to help your therapist develop and deliver treatment plan for you.

[added later] Oops. You just posted more, mentioning an alter coming out during therapy who has reported a rape you do not remember. From this new information about how your therapist handled it, frankly, I think you need to find another therapist ASAP.

Rawiyah wrote:But I just got back from my therapy session, and somethings that he said really stuck to me. For one, he said that I have a "serious problem" that I'm "not in touch with reality".
He further went on, to say that "While other people are living in their physical bodies, you're living in your mind almost 100% of the time."

I don't know, so... Does that mean that they aren't really real? I mean, I know they don't have physical bodies, they're in my mind, but would this mean that they aren't real? That I just made them up a long time ago, or made them up just recently for whatever reason? Has anyone else had this kind of experience?

This is very sad. I think your therapist may be the one with a serious problem. Whether or not your therapist says he believes in DID as a legitimate diagnosis or not, his words as you represent indicate he doesn't understand it and is giving you a potentially damaging response to it. People who don't even have DID have rich inner worlds and many of them will tell you that they are very real places, if in the mind rather than physical parts of the world. There is a genre of self-help literature that actually teaches people how to construct these worlds for one's own benefit, so labeling these as unreal is judgmental and very limiting about how one must be in the world. Whatever the mind experiences is quite real to the mind. It is useful to make the distinction between outer world and inner world but as long as you know what that is, there doesn't seem an overwhelming problem of you not being in touch with reality.

If you have no memory of severe abuse or trauma, you should know that that is fairly common for someone at the early stages of awareness of alters and DID. DID and alters by design prevent some or all memory of abuse from the awareness of other alters, especially from the host. In my own situation, I was absolutely astonished at the amount and degree of physical and sexual abuse my body underwent as a child from what appeared to be one normal and one rather neurotic parent. Even more unbelievable was I had absolutely no memory of any of it, except a flash a couple decades ago of two separate events. Nevertheless, I now have awareness of hundreds of incidents of abuse. For the bad things that happened to me as opposed to another alter, as well as for all the lost time I experienced as a child and beyond, I had complete amnesia.

Remember that if you have DID, and it sounds quite possible you do, you are an alter too. The idea that you are any more (or less) "real" than your alters is rather absurd, seeing as how they are a part of your mind just as you are. Also, they do have a body - yours - and it sounds as if they have proven that when you've lost time to them. Despite what your therapist implies, you are not somehow authentic while they are not. It may be unsettling that you are not the sole owner of your body, that it also belongs to others within you, but it's the reality of DID. I would ask your therapist directly whether he believes that DID is a valid diagnosis. If not or if his answer is equivocal at all, find a new therapist quickly. Do not stay with a therapist who does not believe in the possibility of DID. Even if you don't have DID, this therapist is not proceeding with currently accepted psychological knowledge so move on asap.

I have a possible alter who uses the Internet and phones a lot, and they end up talking to a lot of people and making friends out of nowhere, but he says they aren't real, they're in my head. But, the calls they made were real, the friends they made were real, and everything that they do is real...? This same alter apparently came out sometime last year during therapy too, and complained about being raped years ago, but I've never been raped, and it doesn't match up with any of my history, and I don't even remember going in to therapy last year at all. How would I know if any of that was real at all?

Your therapist is most likely dead wrong: they are not just in your head. That they have taken over control of your body and done things you had nothing to do with proves that. My advice is to assume that the above is real and probably did happen, even if you are horrified by it and don't want it. At the very least, do not strongly deny the possibility that it's true. If you have alters, denying their existence and what they suffered may make them justifiably angry and could destabilize your system and thus destabilize you. Imagine someone you know having experienced abuse and then that abuse being denied or ignored or downplayed. People get angry at that type of response to pain they've suffered.

More advice would be to try to establish communication with what sound just like alters to me. Talk to them internally (in your mind), speak aloud to them, or write something to them. Let them know you're available for them and, if they can take it slow with what they present you with, you want to help them and share their pain. Assure them you can be trusted. Don't do this just once, keep trying until you get something back. If they respond internally to you, it will likely be difficult to hear them at first. You will probably feel silly, as if you're making it up or are going crazy. Many of us have been there, if not most of us on this board. Suspend judgment about all that and keep communicating. Short communications on both sides work best. No long monologues unless you're writing something to them. A sentence or a question to them, then wait for an answer. You will want to find out who's there, their names, what they're like, how old they are, how they see themselves, how they see you. They may not even know about you and it's possible they won't like you, so be prepared for that.

If you don't have DID and thus there are no alters there, doing the above won't do you any harm. You'll learn soon enough whether you're talking to yourself or to another person, an alter. If they are there, you will have begun the process of communication and healing.

Thanks Johnny-Jack. Beautiful post.

I think it is a good idea to take the above suggestions and directly ask your T what he thinks of DID, dissociation etc, and if that is the case what the goal of therapy would be. Then you will get a sense if you are on the same page with how you feel about yourself and where you want to go with the time you spend with him.

I just went through asking my former T and my new T these questions (it was hard because I tend to avoid confrontation). It became clear through these discussions that my old T would shoot for "more harmonious co-habitation" and explained to me what he thought successful therapy would involve (learning the details about the others, what distinguished them, what needs they have, which ones aren't being met, what they want to say, and how they are feeling when they are "acting out"). the new T didn't convince me (although he slightly tried) that he thought the alters were anything more than emotions and his goal was to integrate and help me learn to express my "feelings" more appropriately, referring to time and place. I don't think I need to tell you I am going with my old T! And "on the books" the new T is more educated...............!

good luck Rawiyah,

Sam

Yours sounds alot like mine... He thinks the same thing but the more I pile up evidence to more he believes what I say. At first he thought psychotic. Then when I accidentally switched in front of him, he said something about roleplay. Now I gave him three pages of stuff about my disorder I wrote during my free time and he calls them "parts". Close enough