a little down about this whole thing....

Why do you say you cannot be fixed? Do you mean you don't want to be fixed?

No i don't think it is that I don't want to be fixed. I really don't think i am a fixable thing.

Sam

Anything that can be done can be undone. It might come out a little differently, but most likely better, most likely stronger. We are not shackled to our past for eternity. If that were the case, life would be cruel, and life would be unjust. We are not shackled to our past. It takes work but we can heal. No one is beyond healing. The worse the pain, the worse the infliction, the greater the strength, the greater the learning, the greater the wisdom that results from the pain.

Okay, I have no idea where that just came from. But I just wanted to say that Sam, you are not a hopeless case. I just refuse to believe it. I know it can feel at times that healing is impossible, but... I don't think it is. And I don't think you think it is either otherwise you'd have given up a long time ago. I hope this doesn't sound harsh.

I believe in you. I believe that you can get better, even if you don't believe it in this moment. Maybe, just maybe, others hope and belief for you can help you get through for now.

You are an amazing person, with so many strengths, and such wisdom, and such heart, and such passion. Those things are not lost. Just a bit buried from time to time. You will get through this. You are going to be okay. I wouldn't say these things if I didn't believe them. You deserve more than a life of suffering. And I believe that life can be about more than just suffering. I'm not even sure that I've gotten there yet, but I have to believe it to be so. That's what keeps me going.

I'm thinking about you and sending you strength to get through this.

Xx Brandic

SamsLand wrote:There was a time I didn't know about everyone in my head. And now I do. And I often wake up and try to figure out if I've been dreaming. Or watching a movie. In fact in hopeful it was a dream or a movie. And then I check my head and we are all still here and the memories are unfortunately ours.

What do you do on these days?

Sam

I read, write (take the thoughts to therapy to discuss), go for a walk, other distraction techniques, sleep.

Sometimes I find it difficult to tell dream from reality from flashback. Like, I think I texted someone, but look back and can find no evidence. Simple things that really frustrate me.

Else grounding techniques, counting, stamping feet/hands on the bed.

On those days I cry if I can, play some hack and slash game on a console where I get to beat up lots of monsters, eat chocolate, find some mundane game on facebook or games website and just focus on that. Anything that keeps you occupied so you can get through each hour, minute, second.

You are not a hopeless case Sam. I thought I was for the longest time, believed that things would never get better and right now they're hard, but you have to remember that somewhere along the line things will start to look up. You are an amazing person with a shining light of warmth and kindness and someday things will just start to click. The past is hard to deal with for anyone, especially for the wonderful people on these boards but it just means that you're going to come out the other side of it stronger than ever.

Please don't give in. I know it's a bit corny but one of my favourite sayings has always been "The darkest hour always comes just before the dawn" and it really is true. In my experience things get harder before they get better. Just remember that you are a person. You are a brilliant person who deserves to be happy.

Dark xx

thank you Dark, Cukoo and Brandic.

Nice of you to say these nice things. I am in a weird place right now. I wake in the night sometimes and everyone is screaming. yelling, sometimes words, sometimes screams. I don't know if we are all having nightmares or what. I had to tell them to shut the ###$ up because I am so tired and need to sleep. So they have been silent and I feel really bad.

I'm not good at explaining how I feel but this song chorus does. It is from "annie" by OLP

There's something in the way she explains to me
"Please be careful, i exist in someone else's head"
Oh, no
There's something in the way that she makes believe
Please be careful,
Annie dreams that everyone is dead

thanks for your thoughts,
Sam