Core SELF - Awake after half a century!

Quick Summary! We are going to town today and celebrate!

T says Hi everyone! She will be the one writing here very soon.
There is a LOT that is important about the core self in DID after all!


I worked on some more containment of parts yesterday. And made an agreement with Level 25

1. All System protectors except those on Level 25, Sage (ISH) and protectors that have been past hosts are in what I call Paradise.


Those parts listed above were not ready to let go of their jobs.



2. Exiles have an extra layer of protection around them so they cannot share trauma memories with T - the Core Self until they do it with our therapist. Only he and I can unlock that.

3. Today I seem to be showing T around. She says she has been sleeping since she was 8 months old, with rare exceptions to be out like to see her first son. She did know of our 33 year old son, but thought he was the only child we had and thought he was still an infant. I did not expect to do this. I thought I would just go inside and out of the way. That is coming soon I suppose.

*Also yesterday I found it was Wicki who's job it was to make me sick. I told her she could quit her job and go to paradise, but first she needed to remove the corn allergy. She said she did. I am still afraid to try. Apparently my Twin Stephan on Level one has it too, and she was suppose to remove his as well.

T is not suppose to have it at all. T feels comfortable with her name. I never have been. It was like it was a strangers name.

I know it all sounds so corny, but it's all too real!

How can this all be so easy! It feels to easy to be real.

Lil' M did have a pseudoseizure this morning though. I wonder why? I had let her sleep in the body last night and we talked a lot. She is the one that told me that those that have been hosts did not go to paradise, or at least those parts that are system protectors.

I can't hear anyone now!

No one will answer me but the Core Self. I suppose that's okay. She can continue my work on this. It feels lonely now though, but T (Core Self) is here and my T says we need to work on being in the present now. It's good perhaps that those inside do not answer me.

WE did the treadmill and are going to town with family now. That should help us stay present today.


I am a little scared but happy.

Hiya Tylas

There is much that I don't understand with your system and recountings, but that is okay; after all it is yourself who is needing the understandings!

What I do understand, and is evident in your words, is that you seem to have a spring in your step at the moment, and for that I am glad and happy for you.

Have a good time!

Tylas, I'm trying to follow your system too and it is an astonishing world. There are always parts that resonate for me and I'm sure for many others. Bottom line, though, it's good to know, huh? The communication with and about your different selves is ultimately healing. For anyone out there who is reading but balking at inner communication or at delving into whether you may or may not have DID, I would invite you to start looking in earnest. I've found there's great joy and a lot of peace of mind that comes from knowing who you, you as a whole, are. Try not to have it take half a century like it has for Tylas and me, but certainly better late than never.

I am going to write it all up this morning so it makes more sense. I know I wrote it all in a huge summary. It's Amazing what has happened!


Let me say this though to all those that worry about not being host anymore or loosing parts. My parts were burdened. They could not feel real joy. They had eating disorders. They were nervous. They had little emotion. They were not complete.

All those things are gone now. It's amazing to go in one day from having severe (we are talking 70 lb) fluctuations to feeling free of that burden. It's hard to explain, except its gone. The same with feeling joy. I felt it over watching 20 minutes of a show. I can only imagine what real love and joy will feel like! I could hardly catch my breath as it was and it was not the working on the treadmill that did it!

I have so much to share about what Jessica (the part you all know and who has been host for 2 years) is learning inside and wants to share. She is happy to be inside by the way for those of you who wonder. She likes it better. She was not meant to be Core. She is where she belongs.

Also Sage, my ISP - is like an autistic part of the brain. I call it a she usually, even though it is sexless. She can tell me any detail I want to know that I have recorded on my blog without looking. She knows the exact dates every part was host including Jessica the last one.

I have contained all but 11 parts that I feel I need right now to work on things. Sage of course is one of those parts. The thing that amazed me the most about her is --- last night I asked those 11 if anyone wanted to sleep in my body (which I do when a part is upset). Sage wanted to and to hold a doll while she slept.

I asked her why? Is she really a little girl? She says she can take any form and last night she just wanted to be a 4 year old girl.

I have so much to share of the last 2 days.....

Like Jessica. She missed sleeping in the winter here with the window open and the apple tree outside the window, so I lost 3 hours, while she came back to experience that again. She says its easiest to switch with me while I sleep.

So much more to tell ... but later



My core self is in lead. I felt! for the first time today. Real feelings! I almost could not breath! It was amazing!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


I should add that not breathing was in a good way. I was going heavy on the treadmill, and watching a movie and I felt their happiness. I never felt anything like it before! I love to exercise too! I feel so dang good!!!!!!!! I did not hide when my kids fought last night while we were all stuck in a car and my husband was not there. I usually would freak. It did not bother me at all! It felt okay!

Very happy for you Tylas

You deserve to be happy

Congratulations, tylas! I'm so happy to hear that things are going well for you!

*throws confetti in the air to celebrate!*

I had no memory at first after the Core Self (Me) came out.

Then Helga and I integrated. She was the first alter to ever exist. She split at 3 months old, before I even had DID. After we integrated I had memories.

There is no difference in the communication between her and the host, which is now me. I can still talk to her the same as before we integrated. I did not even realize it. My T said today from what I described that it sounded like integration took place. I asked my ISH. She said Yes. I knew it was Helga, so I asked her and it was.

I am not missing anything except my eating disorder, my depression and I actually care if I am alive or dead now.

I caught up a bit on the ---- following my system things!

http://dx-dissociative-identity-disorde ... e-map.html

Last few posts
System Protectors Attack
Core and Helga Integrate
Core Self In Lead
Free the System Protectors
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