Trying Really Hard to not use the word "We."

I refer to myself as "we" a lot, and now its like I try to make sure I dont use it. Ill say we, and then correct myself and say me or I. It's embarrassing to me because I notice it now more i guess. I try to hide myselves in front of others as much as I can but sometimes its impossible. Most people probably wouldn't notice, but those who are close to me certainly do. This "we" thing is driving me crazy in conversation.

I never like using the word we unless I am actually talking about all of us! WE are separate! I speak for myself and others speak for themselves.

Saying we is weird and misunderstood by those that have DID and those that do not. Remember everyone has multiple parts and if they learn to talk to them they they could also say "we." How confusing! (See IFS for more)

tylas wrote:I never like using the word we unless I am actually talking about all of us! WE are separate! I speak for myself and others speak for themselves.

Saying we is weird and misunderstood by those that have DID and those that do not. Remember everyone has multiple parts and if they learn to talk to them they they could also say "we." How confusing! (See IFS for more)

Hey Tylas,
I wish I didn't say "we" when talking, its a subconcious thing I guess. Just makes me self conscious though. I dont do it all the time, but I do find myself referring to me as "We." I used to not notice it

I can't not refer to us as "we" here or internally without sounding host-centric or alter-phobic and "we" don't like that. There's a similarly weird thing going on for Jonathan. He is taking over for me at work and obviously can't use "we." But he almost chokes when he has to explain to someone something like "I'm sorry I wasn't able to get to that" when it was actually me who just forgot about it or blew it off.

We had a party tonight at our friend's house as an early Thanksgiving because Johann had to work tomorrow. While we were playing a game (I only remember this because I recorded a lot of tonight because the guys were drinking and I wanted him to remember everything), we had conversation that went:

Me: You people suck. (talking about him and our friend)
Johann: What do you mean, "you people"?
Me: You people. You suck.
Johann: What do you mean "you people suck"? I'm multiple people, so you--(pause, trails off)
Me: Um...(awkwardly, because Johann didn't even realize what he'd said until after he'd said it)
Our friend: I'm Canadian! (out of nowhere changing the subject which just makes us all laugh, so thankfully our friend completely missed that comment...)

Yeah, the moment he said it I gave him an odd look and then went back to fidgeting with the xbox controller for a few seconds because I wasn't expecting him to actually explain that comment. He's lucky our friend is a clueless idiot who just went with what was said and turned it into a joke. The sad part was, this conversation happened before any drinking took place when he was entirely sober. How he managed to blurt that out, I don't know, and I probably won't ask him until he watches the recorded videos with me. But being drunk he did a lot of openly switching in front of the guys tonight which seems to be some progress. Actually, Dante came out and even called himself Dante and neither of our friends said anything about it, and somehow I think despite being drunk they knew he wasn't imitating a video game/tv show character.

Anyway, back on topic. Sorry for derailing. Johann says 'we' a lot and has to correct himself frequently. My former therapist kept trying to correct him about it, but that never happened. Sometimes he uses both in the same sentence, especially when talking to me. For example, earlier today he said to me, 'I think we should start working more hours and saving our money.' and I was like, 'We should what...?' and he goes, 'Er, no, I mean, I was talking about 'us' as in we, us, me.'

Most people don't really notice a lot of the time if you say "we". I think most of the time they think you are talking about yourself and them(ie the person you are talking to) or you are talking about yourself and your partner (if you have one, but even if you don't the fact that you say "we" probably makes them think you do). I don't personally think it's too noticeable in most situations. We only speak using "we" if it's a particular view that represents all of us.

Usually most of the time we refer to ourselves in the second person. Like in a conversation saying something like "on the bus you go to sit down and once you've sat down you start to become really aware of how noisy it is. Have you (ie person you are talking to) ever had that experience?"
People sometimes comment on our odd use of the word "you" but overall I think they just put it down to relating your stories to them...

salted lipstick wrote:Usually most of the time we refer to ourselves in the second person. Like in a conversation saying something like "on the bus you go to sit down and once you've sat down you start to become really aware of how noisy it is. Have you (ie person you are talking to) ever had that experience?"
People sometimes comment on our odd use of the word "you" but overall I think they just put it down to relating your stories to them...

Wow, I do that all the time! I never noticed it before. No ones ever really said anything to me about it, but I do get weird looks from people a lot...awkward silences etc and I wonder, whats so wrong with me? It seems like the more I try to be Normal, the more strange I come across. But whats "normal" anyway?

I try not to say it around certain people. But when I am at home it sometimes slips out like the other day I said to my partner: "we are under the blanket". Meaning me & an alter (Alice at the time). Doesn't really matter if we say it at home.

Bourbon

LuckyOphelia wrote:

salted lipstick wrote:Usually most of the time we refer to ourselves in the second person. Like in a conversation saying something like "on the bus you go to sit down and once you've sat down you start to become really aware of how noisy it is. Have you (ie person you are talking to) ever had that experience?"
People sometimes comment on our odd use of the word "you" but overall I think they just put it down to relating your stories to them...

Wow, I do that all the time! I never noticed it before. No ones ever really said anything to me about it, but I do get weird looks from people a lot...awkward silences etc and I wonder, whats so wrong with me? It seems like the more I try to be Normal, the more strange I come across. But whats "normal" anyway?

Yeah the awkwardness from people is probably from them noticing you're weird use of the word "you". I've given up trying to come across normal. It's actually really freeing. I feel free to say "you" when I'm talking about "me" technically. And I say "we" when it feels right. I'm not normal and I think the people I know are coming to accept that and to put up with my weird habits in that regard. I don't explain to them. Eventually they get over it. Perhaps you could give it a try and see if it helps you to feel better also?

We say 'we' a lot, haha. It comes naturally. Like if you and a friend both went to the store, you say "we went to the store." I might say "I like the colour red" if I'm the only one fronting who likes that colour, but I would say 'we' for "we're hungry" since it's the body that's hungry, or "we loved that movie!" if more than one of us liked it. We've only gotten called out on it once or twice, thankfully, since it tends to slip out.

There's a similarly weird thing going on for Jonathan. He is taking over for me at work and obviously can't use "we." But he almost chokes when he has to explain to someone something like "I'm sorry I wasn't able to get to that" when it was actually me who just forgot about it or blew it off.

Yeah, exactly! It just feels so odd. It doesn't fit right at all, since you didn't do/say that, or you don't think/feel that way... it's crazy.
~Rage