Help..?

Is this taking a step towards the good, or walking directly into a trail at full speed?

Tonight i went to a drum practice for a group called Sheltered Reality (great group i wuggest Youtubing us) but i was a little late getting home. So, my drunken dad calls me and rants out my driver. Well, my driver was taking me and my friend to her house where her dad would thrn take me home. When my driver got to my friend's house, her dad was on the phone with my dad apparently. Their conversation ended quickly.

Well.. My friend's dad pulled me into tje garage and gave me a long sperch about how his father was an alocholic, though not near as bad, so he sort of understood how i felt. He said that, basically, i was always welcome there.. There's a few quotes that really stuck out for me..

"Sooner or later things have to change. You have to stop worrying about tomorrow, because soon 'tomorrow' wont have to come. "

"i know what you feel like. Out here you may just brush it off like its nothing, but I know that that's not how you feel inside."

Especially thay first quote. But, im sure you can sum up what the conversation was like. If not just tell me to explain more.

Anyway.. What he said really got me thinking.. Should I take his offer and stay at his house for a while? I want nothing more than to get away from my life but... I cant leave my mom like that. Shes a wonderful person when she isnt around dad. Ahe doesnt deserve to lose me.. But.. Shes obviously not going to do anythig, and like my friend's dad sad, "you have to start thinking about whats best for yourself."

Im so confused right now..


Ps. Sorry for typos and poor grammar.. My laptop charger shot craps, so all posts are from my iphone until the new charger comes in.

As long as this is a very safe place to go, I think it's always wise to get away from your abusers.

It really depends on how well you know this friend and how stable his home is. If you're going from one bad envorinment to another I'd say no, but if this would be better for you and your family than it might be an option worth considering.

I agree with the above posters. I too wanted to stay with my mom for a long time. In my situation, my mom is a single mom who can't seem to get her act together financially and relies on her kids for financial and emotional support(she won't connect with others her own age for some reason). She likes to involve her kids in HER problems, I finally realized I needed to get away from all that unnecessary stress and be the adult if she wasn't gonna step up and be an adult herself. There are several states in between us now, and I don't have to talk to her or see her unless I want to.

If you know you will be safe over at the other place, I would say go for it, even if it's just for a break. You may be able to learn a lot about yourself in the process, and heal. Healing is difficult when you remain in a toxic environment.

Being safe from an abuser would not be the only reason for moving out. Being able to experience being parented by healthy individuals would be a huge plus as well. You need to experience that at some point in your life. Part of me was able to escape my family's influence almost entirely and was effectively parented by a very poor but warm hillbilly family and has a healthy attitude toward life that I and others don't.

Your mother may be a nice person but at best she is weak and part of the problem. My guess is that for whatever reason, she wasn't able to shield you from abuse. This was and is her responsibility and she failed. Sorry to be so blunt but that's my opinion. So actually I do think she deserves to lose you. Except that she wouldn't be because you could still see her, just not in that house. The wisest part of your mother would understand and would want very much for you to be healthy and safe. The more unhealthy part would want you around to commiserate and tell her that none of it's her fault and probably to protect her! Your mother is an adult and has made and continues to make life choices -- bad ones. In the big, big picture, the most important thing you can give your mother is a healthy child who can live a good life.

Your friend's father spoke from emotion, conviction, and his own experience, but I'd have a discussion with him just to make sure he has the resources and the commitment to follow through. I'd talk about what it would be like up front just so there aren't any misunderstandings. Once that's covered, yep, I'd take the offer and move in with them. For good if possible.

My friend's family is actually really stable. They're comfortable in money, and though they're pretty strict on my friend, they're loving good parents. Her dad has talked to me a couple of times about this, and he's not one to lie. He said that his house is always open to me, and he actuallu wants me to go to them - go to someone who wants to help.

Its kinda hard hearing that my mom's the ond who's messed up. Ive always put the blame on my dad and labeled her as a victim like myself.. Id feel so bad about leaving her.. But everyones saying the same thing.. I guess ill do it..

Hey, Kimberly, this sounds like such a great thing, you deserve it! Do keep in mind that if you really want to help your mother, one of the best things you could do for both of you is to become healthy and strong and stable. From that place, you just might be able to get her some real help. But again, your number one responsibility for both you and for your mother is you. The healthy part that still sounds like it may be there within your mother wants this for you. Any healthy mother or father feels and knows and acts on the fact that the health and well-being of your child is more important than your own.

I'm a mom of three married to a real jerk. I believe I have DID. My 12 year old daughter cut her arms last year. That is what finally made me realize that all of the protecting the kids I was doing wasn't enough. I left the jerk. He is in councilling and working on it but still the damage to me and my three kids is not going to be reversed by him trying to change now.

So from a mom of a cutter, the wife of an abuser, take care of yourself and let you mother take care of herself.

If you have a safe place to go, then go. Your mom is an adult and can take care of herself. You take care of you.