by Johnny-Jack » Wed Oct 12, 2011 12:31 pm
I bought some lego blocks for anyone young to play with. As soon as they arrived yesterday my twin alters laid claim to them because I had promised them a toy -- they requested drums, ACK! -- after I ordered and forgot about the legos. They played for hours last night. After they had finished I tried to take back over, Hansel closed his eyes as if to let me, but I couldn't take over! Hansel giggled at getting away with something naughty (staying in the body even after I asked them to let me take over), then he passed off to the other twin, who did the same thing. What, they're acting like four-year-olds! Well, the alter version since real four-year-olds don't go slipping in and out of being out front.
I know they're littles but until last night I hadn't gotten it through my thick skull that these kids need to play and have fun. I have let them into the body when they ask, even when it might be embarrassing, and they've gone walking outside. But that isn't enough for a child alter. They need to play so that they're happy, not just traumatized alters.
I've heard of people in biographies and on the board letting their child alters play. I've let my 11-year-old watch videos and listen to him laugh for a couple hours. He is totally juvenile in his responses, but it was something I could at least sort of relate to. Four-year-old hands learning to push lego blocks together and being completely absorbed and thrilled for hours, giggling with glee at points, is something I'm finally getting is healing and necessary.
I need more toys and I need to give them time to play, no matter how silly it feels at times to my rational, adult mind. All of my alters keep complaining to me -- in their own way -- that I know they're alters but I still think they're me. The middles and adults by telling me directly, again and again, the littles by crying when they sense I'm dismissing them as not real or something. Of course, they are me from one point of view, we're all "me." But they're totally not from another. I need to keep learning to treat them with the respect that separate individuals deserve. I really believe this is a necessary step, for their mental health (and thus mine), and if there's any hope that I'll be able to heal their individual traumas (and heal my system's traumas).
Plus, feeling your body experience the wonder of being a child is infinitely amazing. I don't know if non-multiples, even while doing "inner child" exercises, can really experience this as directly. It would be interesting to find out. It's one of the few aspects of being multiple that I'm glad to have experienced.
Dx = DID. My blog. My personal Periodic Table of 78 alters.
Ab Ad Al Am An Ar As Ba Be Br Ca Cb Ch Cl Cm Cn Co Cp Ct Cu Cv D Eb Ed Er Es F Fl Ga Gd Go Gr Gw He Hk Hs Ht I J Jh Jk Jn Jy Ke Ki Kn Ky Li Lu Md Mi Mt Mx Mz Ne Ni O Pe Pi Q Ra Rd Ry Sc Se Sh Sk Sx Tk Ty U V Wa Wi X Y Ze Zn
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