ended therapy... very mixed feelings

Yuck. Trust that angry part of you, and run away, far away!

Um, wow, my T is very relational as well and has pretty open boundaries, but when my protectors have insisted he shore them up in a particular area, he has always been really responsive. In fact, I was unable to get the little one to detach safely last night and big brother wanted to just yank her out of there and T took over in being firm, but not rough with her, to wrap up and say we had to put things away and could take them back out another time. Being relational doesn't preclude having good boundaries. Even if she can't do things exactly the way you're suggesting, there should be a way to discuss and negotiate. I mean, relational implies that she works therapy through the therapeutic relationship. In any relationship, boundary negotiations are an (often invisible, yet still important) aspect. T has told me a lot of that will just happen organically, but he has never shied away from our need to discuss the current boundaries, how they make us feel, what our needs are, what changes can be made. I think if you're approaching therapy from a relational point of view, these discussions would be of higher priority, not lower, as the work is being done through the relationship.

In my case, I have parts who have spent their whole life being forced to parent caretakers and be responsible for all the boundaries to keep us safe, so it doesn't work if T doesn't do it. It just repeats old stuff. I don't blame your protectors for being angry.

brandic,
(hugs to you, if wanted)

Sad to hear you are having so much trouble with your T!
But good that you have understood yourself, that this isn't a healthy T relationship.

Unfortunately your T doesn't sound like very professional to me. These are tough things. I've had also some very bad experiences before. And know how much they can hurt you...

Nothing much else I can say to help you. Just keep on trying to find a T that can help you!

brandic, I am sorry she treated you that way. You absolutely have the right to set boundaries in any relationship and situation, period.

Best wishes

Dividedtruth, tylas, tomboy, Kerry, Tungsten, Eisa, under ice, quadretto, realmofsoftdelusions, bourbon, yakusoku, Johnny-Jack and Una ~ Thank you all so much for your thoughtful and kind responses. I think I needed to make absolutely sure that I wasn't making the wrong decision. I tend to question myself. My wiser part told me several weeks ago that my biggest obstacle that I need to overcome is self doubt. This situation- case in point. But the fact that she acted the way she did yesterday... and pretty much wasn't willing to hear what I had to say or be willing to work together on helping me feel safer by establishing boundaries... that's really messed up. That's really not okay with me. I feel like I need to protect myself and my parts by cutting ties with this person.

Sorry if I'm being repetitive... I know I've said some of this stuff already. I just really appreciate all the support on here. It's very affirming that I'm not crazy, and I'm not overreacting, and that I'm loved and going to be okay. I hope I can be as kind and as helpful as you all have been to me.

While I'm sorry that you had to experience that last session with her, it sounds like it at least REALLY affirmed you made the right decision!

It's true that different T's have different senses of where the boundaries should be. But it's not true that relational T's, or any T's, should have zero boundaries, and she's lying to you and to herself if she thinks that's appropriate in a therapeutic setting. It's unprofessional and unethical.

She definitely should have been willing to work with you on boundaries, and where you thought they should be. Her reaction was more like a petulant child than like a competent therapist. No wonder your angry part came out, mine would have, too!

You need a better therapist. It sounds like it's only "morally unethical" on her part because she's realized you're going to call her on her unprofessional behavior. How...shameful of you.

I am sorry that you're having to deal with the aftermath of her, though. It sounds really difficult. <3

Ps my insides are a big f*ing mess right now and I'm having a Hell of a time staying present.

I just now read the update, and have to agree with your decision to cut ties with her. I'm very sorry that she responded in that way, and am so sorry that you're having such a hard time dealing with this. Is there anything you can do to help you stay present? Anything you can focus on, distract yourself with? *BIG HUGS if wanted* Feel free to rant on here if you think it might help you to stay present as well. And feel free to PM me about anything. You're a very strong person, and I know you can get through these tough times and find a therapist that will work both with you and for you. My thoughts and prayers are with you.

***edit***

Sorry mods. My bad.

(For everyone else, please ignore!)

brandic wrote:Why the ###$ did my last message get deleted?? What the hell mods???

I saw an angry post from you in another thread. Did you post your last message in the wrong thread by accident?