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brandic wrote:Yes but I don't lose parts of my day in current time. I am always present to some degree or another. Would that not be DDNOS then?
tylas wrote:DDNOS means you have better communication and know your alters better.
tylas wrote:Una... Are you saying if you have a DX of DDNOS then your alters hide?
brandic wrote:I agree with everyone actually. I have mixed feelings about it - thus the post. My problem isn't that I think I have DID when I've been diagnosed DDNOS - mine is that I've been diagnosed DID and I don't think I qualify. Although I have experiences similar to "true" DID cases (of course I know each case varies from person to person), my experience isn't as clear. My parts aren't as "distinct" in the sense that they have experiences and memories that are COMPLETELY their own. They may hold their own feelings and have their own thoughts, but they don't have their own memories. Thus, the not losing time bit. That's why I feel I have DDNOS and not DID.
The most confusing thing is that I remember so little from so much of my life. If I don't remember, then does that mean a part of me does?
brandic wrote:The most confusing thing is that I remember so little from so much of my life. If I don't remember, then does that mean a part of me does?
tylas wrote:We just want to know for sure and if its not DID, then prove it to us, because we are not so sure its not! ---------------- but again I hope we all want the lesser of the 2 evils!
tylas wrote:You are funny. Of course DID is not evil.![]()
It's simply a normal brain that is traumatized and divided.
Healing does not mean you loose your alters. No one EVER looses them! The normal brain has many ego states, it's only when they get divided and can't communicate and work together that they become alters - with their own way of being. The only thing you are doing when integrating/healing is helping you and those inside to work together and to communicate.
This idea of integrating is killing off alters is archaic! Research Psychiatrists understand the brain far better now and know this is does not happen.
Demon Lilith wrote:I'm not trying to be funny. D:
... D:
I don't want to stop thinking of them as separate people, then. They're my friends. Not me. They're friends. We're not just ego states! If we were ego states, how would we be able to have different memories? Opinions? Accents? Medical conditions? That's not just ego states.
I'm not saying integration is bad. I know for some people, it's a life saver. But please don't over simplify and call us ego states.
tomboy24 wrote:Brandic, you're welcome for the post and don't worry about not replying to it. I know it's really long and a lot to take it.![]()
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Others, thank you for your sympathy (I always feel awkward when someone says they're sorry for what I've gone through. I guess it's 'cause I'm still in denial sometimes and think that my childhood wasn't that bad so I should grow up and move on). And dividedtruth89, I'm glad my post was able to help you (and I hope others).![]()
When I was diagnosed, I'd never heard of DDNOS. We didn't go over it in psychology class, and my psychiatrist and counselor both didn't even say anything about it or (to my knowledge), even consider it. I was diagnosed with "possible DID" (I believe they wrote it down as "Borderline DID"), and it never got concluded if I was DID or not due to so many therapist and psychiatrist switches. Despite not having much time loss though, I still think I'm more qualified for DID. I've also realized that looking BACK on my life now, I can remember small gaps in time that I originally shrugged off and forgot about, but recognize it now as time loss, even if it was only for a few minutes.brandic wrote:I agree with everyone actually. I have mixed feelings about it - thus the post. My problem isn't that I think I have DID when I've been diagnosed DDNOS - mine is that I've been diagnosed DID and I don't think I qualify. Although I have experiences similar to "true" DID cases (of course I know each case varies from person to person), my experience isn't as clear. My parts aren't as "distinct" in the sense that they have experiences and memories that are COMPLETELY their own. They may hold their own feelings and have their own thoughts, but they don't have their own memories. Thus, the not losing time bit. That's why I feel I have DDNOS and not DID.
The most confusing thing is that I remember so little from so much of my life. If I don't remember, then does that mean a part of me does?
My parts didn't fully have their own memories, either. It was more like they remember certain parts of my life more CLEARLY than I do and can often remember details I can't, but they don't really have their own memories. Except for the few instances with Kataki/Kat and Rebel, (and except for recently), I rarely had time loss that was noticeable, and where the alter that was out would have their own memory of that time. Even then, I'm usually able to "go through" their memories and see what happened, or they'll openly share with me what happened. Usually now though I'm always "present", even if I'm taking the back seat to control I'm still aware of what's going on.
I found this in my DDNOS searches:
"Generally speaking though, people with DDNOS don't have clear-cut ("separate and distinct") alter personalities and often don't have amnesia during a "switch." Often the parts don't have names and parts or fragments are much more often co-conscious, where the person feels like s/he is observing themselves acting differently than normal, but not fully in control of their behavior. It is like one personality part is in control, and the other one is watching...so there is no amnesia. Another way to describe it is that instead of having amnesia during a switch, you experience depersonalization. Finally, it's important to realize that if you are diagnosed with DDNOS, it (1) doesn't necessarily mean you were abused, and it doesn't mean you weren't, and (2), it doesn't mean (if you were abused) the abuse you endured was necessarily less serious than someone who has DID.
Another presentation of DDNOS is when a person experiences the blackouts, the "losing" time" of DID but doesn't feel as if they have a separate identity. It should be noted that people who present with symptoms of severe dissociation like I described here often are put into the DDNOS category but later, when the psychiatrist (and perhaps the patient) knows more about the person or he/she has undergone more testing, the diagnosis is changed to DID."
"Often the parts don't have names and parts or fragments are much more often co-conscious, where the person feels like s/he is observing themselves acting differently than normal, but not fully in control of their behavior..." Even if I don't experience amnesia during a switch, I'm experience total loss of control, not partial, and I don't even know what I'm going to say/do until I say/do it. I can also feel so detached that I feel like I'm standing beside myself watching myself. I don't feel like that just because I don't have time loss, it does not mean that a personality was not fully in control, especially since I've been "blocked" out before. In my mind I'll see a "wall", a mental block that my alters can put up. I don't experience time loss/a black out, but I'm not aware of what's going on beyond that wall. So I can't see the outside world, I can't hear the outside world, I'm aware that I'm not in control and I haven't blacked out, and I'm aware time is passing I just don't know how much. My parts also have names and are very distinctly separate with just their voices in how they talk in my head.brandic wrote:The most confusing thing is that I remember so little from so much of my life. If I don't remember, then does that mean a part of me does?
What I've learned from my most recent time loss escapades is that if you don't remember a part of your life, someone in there does. My newly re-surfaced alter that's been causing me to experience time loss again, (Rebel, I suspect), is stuck in the summer of 2009. She's missed a good 3 years of her/our life. She might not remember things, but I do. Even though I also remember most of 2009 summer, I'm guessing something happened that made her go into hiding or something, and so now instead of it being US that's been living for the past 3 years, it's been ME, not her AND I. (Aside from my other alters, of course). So when she's out, she doesn't remember anything past 2009, but myself and the other alters that are forced back when she's out do remember. She's just not able to access us/those memories yet.
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