Our partner

DID or DDNOS - the perpetual question...

Dissociative Identity Disorder message board, open discussion, and online support group.

Moderators: Snaga, NewSunRising, lilyfairy

Re: DID or DDNOS - the perpetual question...

Postby brandic » Fri Sep 02, 2011 5:54 pm

Yes but I don't lose parts of my day in current time. I am always present to some degree or another. Would that not be DDNOS then?
Dx - DID

Brandic (me), Asher, RAGE, Samantha, young violent part, young me (scared part), protector (semi-mute), "the part who feels no pain"

My blog:
http://nothinginmynoggin.wordpress.com/
brandic
Consumer 6
Consumer 6
 
Posts: 807
Joined: Thu Jun 23, 2011 11:34 pm
Local time: Tue Aug 19, 2025 1:30 pm
Blog: View Blog (0)


ADVERTISEMENT

Re: DID or DDNOS - the perpetual question...

Postby sev0n » Fri Sep 02, 2011 6:10 pm

brandic wrote:Yes but I don't lose parts of my day in current time. I am always present to some degree or another. Would that not be DDNOS then?


Then it's DDNOS..

BUT!!!!

Loosing parts of your day is not easy to tell!

This is the problem. This is why many with the DX of DDNOS feel they actually have DID.

Start trying to pay attention. Keep in mind you have spent your whole life covering up time loss. If I did not have exact times like my son talking to me and waiting for me to answer things I never heard, I would not have known. After that I really started paying attention and have tried hard to quit covering for myself especially during therapy. It's a habit that is SO HARD to break!!!

Either way you have DID or DID-like DDNOS. There is very little difference. Mostly its just about figuring out if you loose that time or not. There are also those 2 options that may be added to the DSM-V that for me make it really easy to tell - Convulsions and alters having different body temp and such.

If you have DDNOS that's awesome! It probably just means you have had DID in the past and are healing now. That however is my own view. I never read that. It's just how it makes sense to me.
sev0n
Consumer 6
Consumer 6
 
Posts: 2523
Joined: Mon Apr 04, 2011 5:46 pm
Local time: Tue Aug 19, 2025 2:30 pm
Blog: View Blog (12)

Re: DID or DDNOS - the perpetual question...

Postby Una+ » Fri Sep 02, 2011 6:34 pm

tylas wrote:DDNOS means you have better communication and know your alters better.

Not necessarily. In followup studies, most people initially diagnosed DDNOS end up being diagnosed DID ... as their intrapsychic communication and awareness improves. As they get better.

tylas wrote:Una... Are you saying if you have a DX of DDNOS then your alters hide?

Yes, that is what I am saying. More often than not, DDNOS is diagnosed instead of DID because alters hide. The alters are capable of taking full executive control, they even sometimes do it, but they do not do it when other people are around, or they impersonate the host alter, and they make sure the host alter doesn't catch on. Covert DID is the norm; overt DID is unusual. DSM-IV restricts the diagnosis of DID to overt DID, even though covert DID is far more common.
Dx DID older woman married w kids. 0 Una, host + 3, 1, 5. 1 animal. 2 older man. 3 teen girl. 4 girl behind amnesia wall. 5 girl in love. Our thread.
Una+
Consumer 6
Consumer 6
 
Posts: 7227
Joined: Sun Apr 10, 2011 3:17 pm
Local time: Tue Aug 19, 2025 9:30 pm
Blog: View Blog (0)

Re: DID or DDNOS - the perpetual question...

Postby sev0n » Fri Sep 02, 2011 6:44 pm

That makes sense too. I will think on that. Thanks!
sev0n
Consumer 6
Consumer 6
 
Posts: 2523
Joined: Mon Apr 04, 2011 5:46 pm
Local time: Tue Aug 19, 2025 2:30 pm
Blog: View Blog (12)

Re: DID or DDNOS - the perpetual question...

Postby tomboy24 » Fri Sep 02, 2011 7:57 pm

Brandic, you're welcome for the post and don't worry about not replying to it. I know it's really long and a lot to take it. :oops: :D

Others, thank you for your sympathy (I always feel awkward when someone says they're sorry for what I've gone through. I guess it's 'cause I'm still in denial sometimes and think that my childhood wasn't that bad so I should grow up and move on). And dividedtruth89, I'm glad my post was able to help you (and I hope others). :)

When I was diagnosed, I'd never heard of DDNOS. We didn't go over it in psychology class, and my psychiatrist and counselor both didn't even say anything about it or (to my knowledge), even consider it. I was diagnosed with "possible DID" (I believe they wrote it down as "Borderline DID"), and it never got concluded if I was DID or not due to so many therapist and psychiatrist switches. Despite not having much time loss though, I still think I'm more qualified for DID. I've also realized that looking BACK on my life now, I can remember small gaps in time that I originally shrugged off and forgot about, but recognize it now as time loss, even if it was only for a few minutes.

brandic wrote:I agree with everyone actually. I have mixed feelings about it - thus the post. My problem isn't that I think I have DID when I've been diagnosed DDNOS - mine is that I've been diagnosed DID and I don't think I qualify. Although I have experiences similar to "true" DID cases (of course I know each case varies from person to person), my experience isn't as clear. My parts aren't as "distinct" in the sense that they have experiences and memories that are COMPLETELY their own. They may hold their own feelings and have their own thoughts, but they don't have their own memories. Thus, the not losing time bit. That's why I feel I have DDNOS and not DID.

The most confusing thing is that I remember so little from so much of my life. If I don't remember, then does that mean a part of me does?


My parts didn't fully have their own memories, either. It was more like they remember certain parts of my life more CLEARLY than I do and can often remember details I can't, but they don't really have their own memories. Except for the few instances with Kataki/Kat and Rebel, (and except for recently), I rarely had time loss that was noticeable, and where the alter that was out would have their own memory of that time. Even then, I'm usually able to "go through" their memories and see what happened, or they'll openly share with me what happened. Usually now though I'm always "present", even if I'm taking the back seat to control I'm still aware of what's going on.

I found this in my DDNOS searches:

"Generally speaking though, people with DDNOS don't have clear-cut ("separate and distinct") alter personalities and often don't have amnesia during a "switch." Often the parts don't have names and parts or fragments are much more often co-conscious, where the person feels like s/he is observing themselves acting differently than normal, but not fully in control of their behavior. It is like one personality part is in control, and the other one is watching...so there is no amnesia. Another way to describe it is that instead of having amnesia during a switch, you experience depersonalization. Finally, it's important to realize that if you are diagnosed with DDNOS, it (1) doesn't necessarily mean you were abused, and it doesn't mean you weren't, and (2), it doesn't mean (if you were abused) the abuse you endured was necessarily less serious than someone who has DID.

Another presentation of DDNOS is when a person experiences the blackouts, the "losing" time" of DID but doesn't feel as if they have a separate identity. It should be noted that people who present with symptoms of severe dissociation like I described here often are put into the DDNOS category but later, when the psychiatrist (and perhaps the patient) knows more about the person or he/she has undergone more testing, the diagnosis is changed to DID."

"Often the parts don't have names and parts or fragments are much more often co-conscious, where the person feels like s/he is observing themselves acting differently than normal, but not fully in control of their behavior..." Even if I don't experience amnesia during a switch, I'm experience total loss of control, not partial, and I don't even know what I'm going to say/do until I say/do it. I can also feel so detached that I feel like I'm standing beside myself watching myself. I don't feel like that just because I don't have time loss, it does not mean that a personality was not fully in control, especially since I've been "blocked" out before. In my mind I'll see a "wall", a mental block that my alters can put up. I don't experience time loss/a black out, but I'm not aware of what's going on beyond that wall. So I can't see the outside world, I can't hear the outside world, I'm aware that I'm not in control and I haven't blacked out, and I'm aware time is passing I just don't know how much. My parts also have names and are very distinctly separate with just their voices in how they talk in my head.

brandic wrote:The most confusing thing is that I remember so little from so much of my life. If I don't remember, then does that mean a part of me does?


What I've learned from my most recent time loss escapades is that if you don't remember a part of your life, someone in there does. My newly re-surfaced alter that's been causing me to experience time loss again, (Rebel, I suspect), is stuck in the summer of 2009. She's missed a good 3 years of her/our life. She might not remember things, but I do. Even though I also remember most of 2009 summer, I'm guessing something happened that made her go into hiding or something, and so now instead of it being US that's been living for the past 3 years, it's been ME, not her AND I. (Aside from my other alters, of course). So when she's out, she doesn't remember anything past 2009, but myself and the other alters that are forced back when she's out do remember. She's just not able to access us/those memories yet.
| Cassandra; Kat/Kataki; Rain/Riyoku; Shay/Shadow; L.C. & Luna; Ray; Cassie; Lynn |
| Prism |
| Marie; Valera; Phenix (Rebel); Dallas & Damone; Kyra; "Blank"; Bridgette; Cassidy |
| "Hannibal"; "Big Ryan"/Ryan; Keith/"Little Ryan"; Kuro |
| Hawk ; The Doctor |
| Aurora (mermaid), werewolf, silent one, black ponytail, Kichijoten, The Master |
| Maiingan |
tomboy24
Consumer 6
Consumer 6
 
Posts: 4549
Joined: Mon Aug 01, 2011 6:29 pm
Local time: Tue Aug 19, 2025 2:30 pm
Blog: View Blog (3)

Re: DID or DDNOS - the perpetual question...

Postby Demon Lilith » Fri Sep 02, 2011 8:59 pm

tylas wrote:We just want to know for sure and if its not DID, then prove it to us, because we are not so sure its not! ---------------- but again I hope we all want the lesser of the 2 evils!


... what?

Lesser of two evils?

What?! D:

We are not evil! Being DID is not evil! :cry:
How can you say that? The DID is just a reaction to abuse. It's not the problem... It's not evil!

How can you, a survivor, ever say that?

I know you don't mean it literally. I get that. But even just the implication of that...

And honestly? Some of us are fine with being DID. Some of us are fine not integrating. That doesn't mean we're against healing! We want to heal. We want to be able to work with our alters and learn to function and not have PTSD. We just want to keep our alters. We like our alters. Is that so wrong? That's not evil!
Rage and Co
Demon Lilith
Consumer 6
Consumer 6
 
Posts: 343
Joined: Thu Jul 29, 2010 5:13 pm
Local time: Tue Aug 19, 2025 4:30 pm
Blog: View Blog (0)

Re: DID or DDNOS - the perpetual question...

Postby sev0n » Fri Sep 02, 2011 9:57 pm

You are funny. Of course DID is not evil. :lol:
It's simply a normal brain that is traumatized and divided.

Healing does not mean you loose your alters. No one EVER looses them! The normal brain has many ego states, it's only when they get divided and can't communicate and work together that they become alters - with their own way of being. The only thing you are doing when integrating/healing is helping you and those inside to work together and to communicate.

This idea of integrating is killing off alters is archaic! Research Psychiatrists understand the brain far better now and know this is does not happen.
sev0n
Consumer 6
Consumer 6
 
Posts: 2523
Joined: Mon Apr 04, 2011 5:46 pm
Local time: Tue Aug 19, 2025 2:30 pm
Blog: View Blog (12)

Re: DID or DDNOS - the perpetual question...

Postby Demon Lilith » Fri Sep 02, 2011 10:04 pm

tylas wrote:You are funny. Of course DID is not evil. :lol:
It's simply a normal brain that is traumatized and divided.

Healing does not mean you loose your alters. No one EVER looses them! The normal brain has many ego states, it's only when they get divided and can't communicate and work together that they become alters - with their own way of being. The only thing you are doing when integrating/healing is helping you and those inside to work together and to communicate.

This idea of integrating is killing off alters is archaic! Research Psychiatrists understand the brain far better now and know this is does not happen.


I'm not trying to be funny. D:
Sorry if I don't get things, our core is Autistic. So words are a bit muddied sometimes. But I don't think anything I said should lead to you laughing... D:

I don't want to stop thinking of them as seperate people, then. They're my friends. Not me. They're friends. We're not just ego states! If we were ego states, how would we be able to have different memories? Opinions? Accents? Medical conditions? That's not just ego states.
I'm not saying integration is bad. I know for some people, it's a life saver. But please don't over simplify and call us ego states. :(
Rage and Co
Demon Lilith
Consumer 6
Consumer 6
 
Posts: 343
Joined: Thu Jul 29, 2010 5:13 pm
Local time: Tue Aug 19, 2025 4:30 pm
Blog: View Blog (0)

Re: DID or DDNOS - the perpetual question...

Postby sev0n » Fri Sep 02, 2011 10:32 pm

Demon Lilith wrote:I'm not trying to be funny. D:
... D:
I don't want to stop thinking of them as separate people, then. They're my friends. Not me. They're friends. We're not just ego states! If we were ego states, how would we be able to have different memories? Opinions? Accents? Medical conditions? That's not just ego states.
I'm not saying integration is bad. I know for some people, it's a life saver. But please don't over simplify and call us ego states. :(



Sorry the D: icon did not come out and I assumed it was a laughing icon instead of a frown!

You can think of them as anyway you want. Mine are ego states and I can think of mine any way I want. Mine are part of me. We are one. One for all.. all for one is our saying!
sev0n
Consumer 6
Consumer 6
 
Posts: 2523
Joined: Mon Apr 04, 2011 5:46 pm
Local time: Tue Aug 19, 2025 2:30 pm
Blog: View Blog (12)

Re: DID or DDNOS - the perpetual question...

Postby brandic » Fri Sep 02, 2011 10:34 pm

tomboy24 wrote:Brandic, you're welcome for the post and don't worry about not replying to it. I know it's really long and a lot to take it. :oops: :D

Others, thank you for your sympathy (I always feel awkward when someone says they're sorry for what I've gone through. I guess it's 'cause I'm still in denial sometimes and think that my childhood wasn't that bad so I should grow up and move on). And dividedtruth89, I'm glad my post was able to help you (and I hope others). :)

When I was diagnosed, I'd never heard of DDNOS. We didn't go over it in psychology class, and my psychiatrist and counselor both didn't even say anything about it or (to my knowledge), even consider it. I was diagnosed with "possible DID" (I believe they wrote it down as "Borderline DID"), and it never got concluded if I was DID or not due to so many therapist and psychiatrist switches. Despite not having much time loss though, I still think I'm more qualified for DID. I've also realized that looking BACK on my life now, I can remember small gaps in time that I originally shrugged off and forgot about, but recognize it now as time loss, even if it was only for a few minutes.

brandic wrote:I agree with everyone actually. I have mixed feelings about it - thus the post. My problem isn't that I think I have DID when I've been diagnosed DDNOS - mine is that I've been diagnosed DID and I don't think I qualify. Although I have experiences similar to "true" DID cases (of course I know each case varies from person to person), my experience isn't as clear. My parts aren't as "distinct" in the sense that they have experiences and memories that are COMPLETELY their own. They may hold their own feelings and have their own thoughts, but they don't have their own memories. Thus, the not losing time bit. That's why I feel I have DDNOS and not DID.

The most confusing thing is that I remember so little from so much of my life. If I don't remember, then does that mean a part of me does?


My parts didn't fully have their own memories, either. It was more like they remember certain parts of my life more CLEARLY than I do and can often remember details I can't, but they don't really have their own memories. Except for the few instances with Kataki/Kat and Rebel, (and except for recently), I rarely had time loss that was noticeable, and where the alter that was out would have their own memory of that time. Even then, I'm usually able to "go through" their memories and see what happened, or they'll openly share with me what happened. Usually now though I'm always "present", even if I'm taking the back seat to control I'm still aware of what's going on.

I found this in my DDNOS searches:

"Generally speaking though, people with DDNOS don't have clear-cut ("separate and distinct") alter personalities and often don't have amnesia during a "switch." Often the parts don't have names and parts or fragments are much more often co-conscious, where the person feels like s/he is observing themselves acting differently than normal, but not fully in control of their behavior. It is like one personality part is in control, and the other one is watching...so there is no amnesia. Another way to describe it is that instead of having amnesia during a switch, you experience depersonalization. Finally, it's important to realize that if you are diagnosed with DDNOS, it (1) doesn't necessarily mean you were abused, and it doesn't mean you weren't, and (2), it doesn't mean (if you were abused) the abuse you endured was necessarily less serious than someone who has DID.

Another presentation of DDNOS is when a person experiences the blackouts, the "losing" time" of DID but doesn't feel as if they have a separate identity. It should be noted that people who present with symptoms of severe dissociation like I described here often are put into the DDNOS category but later, when the psychiatrist (and perhaps the patient) knows more about the person or he/she has undergone more testing, the diagnosis is changed to DID."

"Often the parts don't have names and parts or fragments are much more often co-conscious, where the person feels like s/he is observing themselves acting differently than normal, but not fully in control of their behavior..." Even if I don't experience amnesia during a switch, I'm experience total loss of control, not partial, and I don't even know what I'm going to say/do until I say/do it. I can also feel so detached that I feel like I'm standing beside myself watching myself. I don't feel like that just because I don't have time loss, it does not mean that a personality was not fully in control, especially since I've been "blocked" out before. In my mind I'll see a "wall", a mental block that my alters can put up. I don't experience time loss/a black out, but I'm not aware of what's going on beyond that wall. So I can't see the outside world, I can't hear the outside world, I'm aware that I'm not in control and I haven't blacked out, and I'm aware time is passing I just don't know how much. My parts also have names and are very distinctly separate with just their voices in how they talk in my head.

brandic wrote:The most confusing thing is that I remember so little from so much of my life. If I don't remember, then does that mean a part of me does?


What I've learned from my most recent time loss escapades is that if you don't remember a part of your life, someone in there does. My newly re-surfaced alter that's been causing me to experience time loss again, (Rebel, I suspect), is stuck in the summer of 2009. She's missed a good 3 years of her/our life. She might not remember things, but I do. Even though I also remember most of 2009 summer, I'm guessing something happened that made her go into hiding or something, and so now instead of it being US that's been living for the past 3 years, it's been ME, not her AND I. (Aside from my other alters, of course). So when she's out, she doesn't remember anything past 2009, but myself and the other alters that are forced back when she's out do remember. She's just not able to access us/those memories yet.


(I apologize for quoting the whole thing rather than breaking it up... that's all I can do on my phone!)

I'm starting to realize how little I remember from the time I was 18 (well actually well before that) to the time I was 24. 24 was when I first was hospitalized. Well, 23 actually. That was followed by a year of in and out of psych hospitals. That's when I feel like my life began. That's when I feel like I "woke up" and everything (well... not everything lol) seems much much clearer from that point on. That was seven years ago. I am 31 now. I almost feel as though I've had two lives - the one pre hospital and the one post hospital. Everything is like a blur, like a far off dream when I think about my life pre hospital. Huge gaps in memory. Like, I'll remember having dated someone for 6 months or a year, but I literally cannot remember a single thing we did together. I remember at some point I was engaged to someone. Couldn't tell you how or why that came about. Also, pre hospital I dated men. Post hospital period, I've been with women and identify as a lesbian. Since the DID diagnosis came up four or five months ago, I've at times wondered if it was even "me" before the hospitalization period, but that thought just freaks me out too much to think about.

Most of the time when other "parts" are operating, it does feel like depersonalization. Like, it doesn't feel like me, but I don't have a strong sense of "who" it is. There are times however (mostly in therapy), where very distinct parts are out (with distinct names and ages and voices) and I'm "turned down" and watching from far away in my mind. Like I'm in the back of a cave or something and I'm safe and untouched by what's going on in the outside world. And I'm watching myself act and talk and have big feelings on the outside but it's not me AT ALL. I have no idea what I'm going to say or do next, nor do I even care. It's like, the outside world is no concern to me during that time. I'm in a calm trace and all is well.
Dx - DID

Brandic (me), Asher, RAGE, Samantha, young violent part, young me (scared part), protector (semi-mute), "the part who feels no pain"

My blog:
http://nothinginmynoggin.wordpress.com/
brandic
Consumer 6
Consumer 6
 
Posts: 807
Joined: Thu Jun 23, 2011 11:34 pm
Local time: Tue Aug 19, 2025 1:30 pm
Blog: View Blog (0)

PreviousNext

Return to Dissociative Identity Disorder Forum




  • Related articles
    Replies
    Views
    Last post

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 41 guests