An alter killing Alters

Hi, I'm Mychole, I have DID. I was perfectly fine up until two months ago where this boy came into my life and just ###$ up my whole system. He was bringing me into emotions I never really felt before and all I knew is that I started blacking out again. So I'm slightly new to all of this DID stuff, but I'm trying to get help. And my system seems pretty cooperative, very mature and I think the more I look up stuff on DID they try and educate themselves on who they are.

But I recently gained a new alter, one that I never heard about before. I have a total of 18 alters, even though I've never met all of them. My therapist says he spoke to my gatekeeper and he told him the number. But I am not the type to trust doctors quickly. Anyway on too my story.

This new alter, talks to the boy I fell in love with and everyone else, and he tries to take my name and tries to be exactly like me. He told my friend that he killed 10 of my alters and that he needs a couple more to go in order to make me better. But I've never heard of this in all my days.

So can an alter kill another alter(s)? And if so, how the hell does that work?

My protector, Kim, she's pretty tough, says that Mr.Noname probably locked them away somewhere that the gatekeeper can't find them. And if this is possible. How??

I'm so confused on what to do and how to act. A lot has happened in three months and I swear I blacked out for a couple weeks, which is just not cool and it really ###$ with your head. I don't like when this stuff happens to me. And it's all thanks to this boy named Chris who decided to come into my life and treat me like a prince and then just leave and act like he wants nothing to do with me.

Okay I'm rambling but just those two questions.

Can an alter kill another?
Can an alter lock away another alter?

Hey there, first off, welcome! You'll find a lot of supportive people on this thread. There are some who are really experienced with Dissociative disorders and who have learned a lot, and those of us who are still kind of unsure or learning. You totally belong.

From what I have heard, no, an alter can not "kill" another alter, persay. They may be able to keep that alter from immerging, yes, but the emotions, memory, or thought of that alter can not be destroyed as far as I know. I've heard of alters splitting, but not of being totally obliterated.

I am pretty sure when an alter is "locked away", it is because someone in the system believes this is the wisest thing to do FOR the system. I'll try to explain an experience I had last night which may help.

I was thinking about something very sad at work, and a memory kept on going through my head all the time. It was becoming very difficult to function because I was so SAD. On my break, I huddled in a corner to eat my dinner, listen to a sad song, and cry softly. I was trying to let this child piece out as much as possible so she could have her cry. Then I started in on this fantasy, and it got super intense.

I imagined that the girl who was singing the song was sitting next to me, and I imagined that I did not look like me, but that I was that little girl. It was so comforting to have someone "sitting next to me" and comforting me with a song. I don't remember when this started, but the little girl in the fantasy started to sing the sad song with her. Then when I went I back to work, it just felt safer, like the little girl was being taken care of for the timebeing, lol kind of like I given her to a sitter while I was at work. I kept on singing the song in my head(or quietly out loud) as I had been doing ALL NIGHT...but I started to forget the words. On the ride home I was trying to listen to it, but it didn't feel as necessary as it had before. I played a different, really upbeat happy song lol.

So what I am saying is that I think it's possible to tuck them away. And I think it's advisable at times. Locking them away though against their will is probably not very wise, so maybe you could try to communicate with this alter who has been having problems. Ask them that if they really feel the need to lock away an alter, let it be more of a "tuck away", in a safe place, till it is safe to come out. I think that's what I'm gonna try doing with the little girl. I think right now she's kind of tucked away, feeling safe, and I hope she'll come out when she's ready so we can work on what was making her sad.

Ditto on the welcome. Yes to both, with reservations about actual killing, as dividedtruth89 says.

An alter can effectively overpower or lock away another alter. Others here can attest to doing that for alters who cause problems, like harming the body, being destructive in the real world, or threatening or harming more vulnerable alters.

I had two alters who, with me, formed an active trio from ages 6-10. Jonathan went to school sometimes and always accompanied the father as his companion. Until the father wanted to abuse us, that is. Then Jack would be in the body. I spent most of my time at home, with the rest of the family. The three of us were all committed to protecting the little sister from both parents, although she was only "my" sister. So the system happened to create a situation where Jonathan or I (me cluelessly) set Jack up for abuse. As Jack came to realize it, he was understandably furious. Meanwhile the little sister followed the body around no matter who was in it, because "I" was safe and fun. Jack one day noticed the father was looking at the little sister the way he looked at us before "it" happened and he was terrified. He tried to let me know but I was oblivious. Two of us -- my little sister and I -- were putting themselves in harms way unwittingly. Jack's fury at me, his guilt at that anger, and his failure to protect the sister caused overwhelmed and spawned Dack.

Dack was athletic and smart but showed signs that he could do "bad" things. Jack especially was hyper-vigilant to expunge any badness from the body and Jonathan feared Dack could become like the father. Dack wanted to teach others the world wasn't safe and they should protect themselves. The following happened in the mind, of course, but what little of the memory I have is quite real. Jonathan urged Jack, a fighter of bullies, to get rid of Dack. Though Dack was bigger, Jack jumped him and strangled him until his lights went out. Jonathan made Jack forget because killing, even a virtual person, is very bad. Since then Dack, when called, floods the body in anger (at being attacked) and expires.

He's absolutely still here, I sense him "taking up space," and strands of his personality or thinking float up at times, but it's as if he believes he was killed. I'm stuck in a dilemma. He has good traits, he's part of us, and he has his own memories still. I know he wasn't evil and I sometimes want to step in to save him but what if he does want to do bad things or hurt Jack. I could prevent that and reason with him. But I wait.

Some alters believe they're killers whereas there's no evidence they've actually killed. I think overwhelming anger at being abused, especially taking abuse while other alters don't have to, can generate the desire to kill -- the perpetrator, then anything. I find it unusual that an alter could get away with "killing" so many other alters and someone not stop them. Then again, if there are a number of potentially bad alters, putting them out of commission might not be a bad idea, at least until they can be dealt with safely or reasoned with.

Your gatekeeper may not known everything. Mine completely missed the existence of four alters (maybe more if more are here somewhere) and just doesn't know certain facts.

Thank you for the welcomes, I've looked around this site for awhile but just could never cough up the courage to actually make an account, and I'm glad I did. You guys really gave me some good insight, thank you sooo so much!!

I am starting to find out more about my system, and the more I find out the confusing it is. I've been looking into sub-systems and ISH and all these new terms that I have never heard of. Doctors don't understand what's going on lol.

dividedtruth89 thanks for your story, that makes me feel a lot better and that's really touching. And I'm going to try and reason with this no name alter. But I swear he is trying to get rid of me as well. But I'll talk to him and try to figure out where the hell he put them all, he must be pretty strong in order to lock away ten alters in a matter of a week. O_O

Johnny-Jack, wow, that's deep. It's really incredible how the mind works. I'm sure he's a good person, you just have to help him through the healing process. I know my dreams helps me find a way to get an answer and sometimes they send me messages through them. I don't know if that's possible, but I feel it is. So you just hang in there man.

And you know, I think there is a war in my head. Because even though I've heard about 18 of them, I know that the gatekeeper never talks about the other 8, as if they are a problem and don't need to be in the system. But I read my journal the other day and found my ISH, Ohana, was saying that the younger alters don't know anything and I dont need to rely on them.

"Where is my mind!?"

Welcome, Mychole

Actually, alters can kill other alters, but they're never completely gone. They are parts of the whole person, so like dividedtruth89 said, they can't be destroyed. They won't be around and you may feel like they're gone, though. Since they were killed in the mind and not physically killed, it's possible to bring them back.

Mycchole wrote:He told my friend that he killed 10 of my alters and that he needs a couple more to go in order to make me better.

Have you asked him what he meant by that? It sounds like he thinks something is going wrong, and (in a misguided way) is trying to help.

My experience - for what little it is worth -
is that an alter will not entirely be killed or be dead, but, forgive the way I'm going to put this, end up in alter afterlife or alter graveyard. I know certain identities are within and that they will exist as long as I do... but I know they can never come out again. They have been neutralized, for lack of a better word, killed off. But, in some cases, the ghost can be visited, the identity, the memory, the emotions (etc)... still in said Identity. Its so weird to try to explain... They can be asked for help, advice, give comfort, but not come back and not come out...

Can it get to the point where the alter is so hidden and made distant that s/he becomes truly forgotten?
Probably. I just hope I am not missing any who have been buried alive.

Thanks for adding that Canolime. I figured they could be killed in a sense, but since I don't know much about this disorder I didn't want to sound ignorant.

canolime wrote:Have you asked him what he meant by that? It sounds like he thinks something is going wrong, and (in a misguided way) is trying to help.

I have asked my ISH about him, and from what he tells me it sounds like Mr.Noname believes that having too many alters is going to cause me to be put into a more destructive and painful position. But I don't see how that can be if the alters are here to help me, you know.
But I'm going to try and figure him out and talk to him. My alters don't like to talk to me much, it's like I'm not in their circle or something. I know that sounds silly but that's how I feel.

DustyDeath, I had a dream about what you wrote. Creepy to say the least but really insightful.

Thank you thank you thankyou a million times!!! My best friend of 17 years has DID and this is a problem that she is going through right now. a system manager realized that one of the troublemakers that she has is actually patterned after her worst abuser! so she decided to execute her. except, once she did there were like threads of her everywhere and the whole system has been on lock down for months while they are trying to figure out how to clean up the mess! because exposing HER to it fully would cause a cascade event!

Does anyone know how you would go about bringing an alter back? because they have the means by which to imprison her if they can bring her back! she has tried to kill everyone several times.... so this was not a rash decision on the part of the system manager.... just not understood what would happen I guess.

so does anyone know how to go about bringing her back ?