Leaving the board

Labels and knowledge is a way for you to better understand DID and heal.

Labels will not help you heal, knowledge will. Oh hey, I'm black, that's the label I have, does that make me understand why I'm black? No, but the knowledge about my heritage, and the pigment in my skin, that does. I'm not trolling, I'm trying to help everyone, there is a general consensus with the links, a common occurrence, All I want is for Una to cut down on the links, get more personal with the responses, and put all the useful links in a special thread that is easy to use, organized and useful to EVERYONE, not just the people who spend hours searching through buried threads who happen to stumble upon a useful paper. Is that really so hard?

Labels are easily stuck to the wrong place, For example, you are labeling me as a troll, when All I am doing is sticking up for fellow community members, saying the things they don't want to. I could label you as a tramp, it doesn't mean it is accurate or correct.

No one has to feel that they HAVE to learn new things or be a certain way. Are you all stressed by not knowing if you have an ANP? Oh my! It's a term!

If you have DiD, then you know just how strong the urge to conform is, to appear normal like everyone else, The labels are such a big thing because no one want's to be left out. No one want's to be different in this place, their place of refuge and help, No one wants to be an outsider, or outcast in their last resort. That thread caused segregation, that thread caused unnerving and believe it or not, people out there who read that thread, were hurt, because they didn't conform to it's standards and your thread told them they were not DiD because they didn't fit into your threads spectrum. While I know you didn't mean to have it happen that way, It did, So perhaps you could maybe next time spend a little more time thinking about it before you post anything with a label in it?

I see protector popping up everywhere, but I have not met one in my system. Should I freak out and ban all talk about protectors?

Just because you don't freak out, doesn't mean other people don't Each to their own you are not the Norm Tylas.

RebelChild wrote:agreed! I have been much more of a selective lurker then really trying to post because I feel like our posts get lost in the shuffle and go un supported. I have been looking for a better forum but still nothing I like.

I thought I was the only one upset about the ANP EP stuff... never heard that before this forum and not anywhere else since.

But we do need to keep in mind that everyone is different and needs different things to heal. Some like the articles and stuff.... and others need more peer support instead. We just need to be respectful of each other and realize we can not fix each other and we shouldn't try. I feel like we all need to be more proactive in asking for what we need. if we need support then ask for that... if we want an article or want to talk philosophy[hy then ask for that.... and then only give what is asked for... simple as that. and if you feel that someone might need something else ask them first dont just assume and dump what you think they need on them. That is rude and insulting and frankly can be re-traumatizing.

I think we should be careful about bashing people as well..... if you talk about wanting this group to be more supportive and then Bash one of the top posters for their method of communication and interaction that is called hypocrisy and no one wants to be a Hippo.. they eat people!! lol

keep it friendly, keep it supportive, keep it sane

I really like this post, except....

How exactly are we suppose to read someones mind and know what kind of help they need? I like all kinds of help. Some I read and think, nope, that's not for me, and other ideas are yes! That's it! And it can be a yes from the same poster about one topic and a no way in another.

That is the idea of a public group! This is NOT therapy! You are in a public group that gives what THEY FEEL is What you are looking for! Your job is to use the things that help YOU!

You are all asking for mind reading here. We are all who we are and we will relate to somethings and not to others.

Again, this is a public board where everyone (but trolls) should feel free to post what they feel helps someone. Never to attack however! Giving information should not be seen as bad or an attack. It's a choice of option you have to take or not.

You are all free to choose! Nothing is shoved down your throats. You are not abused children any more and this is not your T's office.

I am sort of sorry for bringing up ANP's and EP's but I just don't get why these labels are so much more difficult for people that other DID labels.

Hmm I also find it somewhat unusual that someone who has just joined the forum attacks another forum member so vehemently.

This is just my opinion but being on a forum requires compromise from everyone, no matter how hard each one of us believes that their point of view and their way of responding to other posts is the right one. We don't process things in the same way, and what helps one person can be upsetting to another. Some members like it when there is a person with a guiding role (other than a mod) on the forum, some don't care either way, but others may not like it so much.

tylas wrote:Do you feel you have to take all advise. Just because someone gives you a pat on the back and says something, does that mean you agree with it? Why is that better advise than a link? You don't have to read either or agree with either. ANP and EP are simply alters. There are a lot of other tags that you all accept for alters: protectors, gatekeepers, etc... and you don't freak out. What is so horrible about ANP and EP. Do you freak out if you don't have a protector or a gatekeeper? Does this make it so you don't have DID or do you just understand that you have more exploring to do to understand your system?

I see protector popping up everywhere, but I have not met one in my system. Should I freak out and ban all talk about protectors?

I really enjoy all of you here. New things are hard for all of us.

I think the problem is, and I may be reading into this wrong, is that a lot of people aren't as strong willed as you are, Tylas. We come here and listen to the advise of our 'elders' because you guys know more. And honestly, we are probably coming here (in my case, anyway) slightly unbalanced trying to learn wtf is wrong with us, and will accept just about ANYTHING at certain points if it meshes with what we're experiencing. I'm not saying I take everything to heart, but I did have a moment where I was like 'do I have a gatekeeper? Dear God, what if I don't have one?!'. Fortunately, I took a moment to breathe and remind myself that I am too new to this, and haven't even been diagnosed by a T yet. I shouldn't worry myself over labels or anything; when they pop up and ask for a title, I will give them one. Or, perhaps they will pop up with a title, or NEVER want one. All that is fine by me; I just want the communication to be easier between us.

But I think that's where the problem is coming from. You are so strong willed, Tylas, and that is AMAZING! But the people who come here are usually weak and need the support, at the moment probably unable to think for themselves, or may be switching often enough without realizing that it's becoming a huge identity crisis for them. All they want is support. Are there other forums and sites, absolutely! But this is the one they stumbled upon, and honestly I think it's one of the best so far that I've come to.

I'm not saying anyone is right or wrong. Personally, I don't mind the links or articles (I just don't read them because I can't understand them), as long as there is support among the members as well. As long as replies to posts don't become 'hey, read this' instead of 'you know, I've felt the same way....let me explain my experience to you, it may help'.

I think that's where the confusion and uncomfortable feelings are coming from. No one wants to lose the support to scientific research; there is no emotion when scientific research is introduced. I think that is what everyone fears.

But I could be completely wrong and simply thinking into this too much.

Tylas, its not about the labels themselves, thats got noting to do with it.....the theory of S. Diss. is offensive to me ( i cant speak for anyone else here ) because it says bluntly that you MUST have at least 2 ANP's to be considered DID. if you don't. (which i do not- and is agreed upon by my system in its layout) then you are simply DDNOS.-- Who gives some author any right to tell me what my Dx is based on his 1 theory!?!!

That whole thing about NEEDING to be something or have something to be considered DID is what annoys the cr@p outa me...

NO ONE on this or any other forum (including T's) hAS EVER said that if you dont have a protector or a gatekeeper etc then you aren't DID... This theory DOES say that!!! It blindly puts you into a category regardless of that fact that DID is a 100% individual thing...

THATS what i HATE and thats what is annoying me! its not even that you believe it or are pushing it or talking about it. its that i dont like it and when i come here, i CANNOT escape it because its in almost EVERY post!! i understand you like labels, and to a degree i do to, but i dont like labels who exclude people or systems because of their make up!

rant over... sorry..

LinaeveWorkman wrote:I think the problem is, and I may be reading into this wrong, is that a lot of people aren't as strong willed as you are, Tylas. We come here and listen to the advise of our 'elders' because you guys know more. And honestly, we are probably coming here (in my case, anyway) slightly unbalanced trying to learn wtf is wrong with us, and will accept just about ANYTHING at certain points if it meshes with what we're experiencing. I'm not saying I take everything to heart, but I did have a moment where I was like 'do I have a gatekeeper? Dear God, what if I don't have one?!'. Fortunately, I took a moment to breathe and remind myself that I am too new to this, and haven't even been diagnosed by a T yet. I shouldn't worry myself over labels or anything; when they pop up and ask for a title, I will give them one. Or, perhaps they will pop up with a title, or NEVER want one. All that is fine by me; I just want the communication to be easier between us.

But I think that's where the problem is coming from. You are so strong willed, Tylas, and that is AMAZING! But the people who come here are usually weak and need the support, at the moment probably unable to think for themselves, or may be switching often enough without realizing that it's becoming a huge identity crisis for them. All they want is support. Are there other forums and sites, absolutely! But this is the one they stumbled upon, and honestly I think it's one of the best so far that I've come to.

I'm not saying anyone is right or wrong. Personally, I don't mind the links or articles (I just don't read them because I can't understand them), as long as there is support among the members as well. As long as replies to posts don't become 'hey, read this' instead of 'you know, I've felt the same way....let me explain my experience to you, it may help'.

I think that's where the confusion and uncomfortable feelings are coming from. No one wants to lose the support to scientific research; there is no emotion when scientific research is introduced. I think that is what everyone fears.

But I could be completely wrong and simply thinking into this too much.

Sweetie this is not a T's office! Keep in mind everyone here has DID/DDNOS/PTSD or something similar. We are not trained to help, all we can do is offer advice. Yeah, I am strong willed and will stand up for what I believe in! Heck, my new little one that popped in last night was chewing on a half eaten arm! I am certainly not a T but I am old.

We don't know more. We might read more, but that does not mean we know more. I get ideas and information from everyone! I want to know all I can. I of course filter what I need, just like I do with all things in life. If only we could all just exist in our safe place - mine is actually a perfect bubble without issues! I want a gatekeeper, ISH, but the one I thought was one turned out to be a little girl who's hands went numb because they were held down. There are no answers here. Just ideas to filter and that will help us decide what is right for US! We are all beautiful and unique and I care about every single one of you and look forward to your posts!

I hope you all stay, but don't look at me and Una as the leaders! We are just another one of you all. Filter what we say just like you would anyone else.

I don't judge my alters and I certainly do not judge the rest of you. (Except the one that starting posting to just attack others here. Maybe in this group a better term would be persecutor rather than troll) yeah, I know I have bad jokes, but I try!

Do you feel you have to take all advise. Just because someone gives you a pat on the back and says something, does that mean you agree with it? Why is that better advise than a link? You don't have to read either or agree with either.

We're well aware of that fact. It's just that advice seems more personal than just posting a link. It's like saying that they acknowledge you're having isses, but, despite you being on a support forum for help, it's still your own responsability to just research the cause behind it and get over it.

I know that's not what the links are there for. But sometimes if I start a thread looking for advice and comfort, that's all I want. I don't care why some psychiatrist I've never met before says I feel the way I do in an article. I just want support. I didn't ask for a link, I didn't want a link. Just peer support.

ANP and EP are simply alters. There are a lot of other tags that you all accept for alters: protectors, gatekeepers, etc... and you don't freak out. What is so horrible about ANP and EP. Do you freak out if you don't have a protector or a gatekeeper? Does this make it so you don't have DID or do you just understand that you have more exploring to do to understand your system?

The thing is, it's widely acknowledged that some systems won't have protectors, some won't have gatekeepers, some won't have ISHs. But the article on them specifically said if a system does not have two ANPs, it is not DID. That's a bit invalidating. Again, I don't care if some random psychaitrist doesn't think I'm real, but it makes me uncomfortable to see so many people buying into this and then trying to push it onto others. That's what scares us most, the pushing it onto others. Maybe that's only me, but it's like I can't read a thread anymore without seeing it brought up.

What Weeble said, basically. It's just very invalidating.

Even then, maybe I could accept it. But then with these debates, I can't help but feel like some people are being patronising. Acting like only their veiwpoint is right and anyone who said otherwise is personally attacking them. I've seen this from both sides and I'm really not trying to say names. But it's just like lately, the whole forum is being dragged into this. Even in completely unrelated threads.

Maybe I'm just being paranoid. But we're used to having things be forced on us. We're used to people trying to brainwash us. And now, seeing similiar things happening here is really scary for us. Being told to just filter things out makes it sound more reasonable to just leave.

~RAGE

tylas wrote:Sweetie this is not a T's office! Keep in mind everyone here has DID/DDNOS/PTSD or something similar. We are not trained to help, all we can do is offer advice. Yeah, I am strong willed and will stand up for what I believe in! Heck, my new little one that popped in last night was chewing on a half eaten arm! I am certainly not a T but I am old.

I realized that after a few days here, I was merely speculating how others could take it. I know when I first get into a forum, I look for those that have been around the most; usually they have seen or heard just about everything! That's what I meant by coming to ya'll for help/advice.

We don't know more. We might read more, but that does not mean we know more. I get ideas and information from everyone! I want to know all I can. I of course filter what I need, just like I do with all things in life. If only we could all just exist in our safe place - mine is actually a perfect bubble without issues! I want a gatekeeper, ISH, but the one I thought was one turned out to be a little girl who's hands went numb because they were held down. There are no answers here. Just ideas to filter and that will help us decide what is right for US! We are all beautiful and unique and I care about every single one of you and look forward to your posts!

I hope you all stay, but don't look at me and Una as the leaders! We are just another one of you all. Filter what we say just like you would anyone else.

You know more than me! Lol! I personally look forward to your posts because you always have great experience posts that I can relate to.

I don't judge my alters and I certainly do not judge the rest of you. (Except the one that starting posting to just attack others here. Maybe in this group a better term would be persecutor rather than troll) yeah, I know I have bad jokes, but I try! [/quote]

I'm not quite sure why someone would suddenly jump all over a poster either. It would be different if it was a face we were used to. But at least it opened up a few others and allowed them to voice their opinions; it helped them become stronger in their will as well. If they are bothered, then perhaps it is time to have an informational thread; I know I would like a nice little organized thread where I can poke my head in and see if I can find that article....perhaps today I would better understand it!!! LMAO...maybe that'd be a cold day in heck. Technical jargon has always been above me. But I do like trying to learn and piecing things together.

Demon Lilith wrote:The thing is, it's widely acknowledged that some systems won't have protectors, some won't have gatekeepers, some won't have ISHs. But the article on them specifically said if a system does not have two ANPs, it is not DID. That's a bit invalidating. Again, I don't care if some random psychiatrist doesn't think I'm real, but it makes me uncomfortable to see so many people buying into this and then trying to push it onto others. That's what scares us most, the pushing it onto others. Maybe that's only me, but it's like I can't read a thread anymore without seeing it brought up.

~RAGE

This is a good point Rage. I see DDNOS-like DID and DID the same!


Oh no! This is turning into an ANP/EP thread, but it must be addressed here I think.

Those again are just labels, just like ANP and EP. There are other kinds of DDNOS, but the type that acts like DID is so similar to DID that its unimportant to therapy. Notice I usually always write DDNOS/DID rather than one or the other. We all post in this thread together because they are the same more than they are different. It's not a prize to have DID instead of DDNOS. They are both treated the same. I personally just want to heal and get all of my parts working together. I am very organized so for me I have to understand all labels, etc... It's the way my brain works. Other's brains work different. We are all different! It's not pushing. It's knowledge you can accept or not, just like any other label dealing with DDNOS/DID. It's just new is all.

The DX to define DID and DDNOS has not changed. It is still basically time loss. They are just categories. Some people NEED to know where they fit, but it bothers others. It's impossible "to please all the people all of the time"

Renaka wrote:

The other issue is links to sources. I post a lot of links because I know some readers will find them useful. In particular, I want to help those readers who by necessity are working without a suitable therapist or without any therapist. If technical information contained in the linked documents is destabilizing, it seems to me more important to access that information, but to approach with caution.

YOU ARE NOT A PSYCHOLOGIST, People are self diagnosing because of the information you are throwing at them, they are burying themselves with lables and stigma's that you have provided, You have to have your say on everything. People need to see a psychologist, if they don't then unfortunately that is their prerogative, this cannot be treated without professional direction, this CAN'T be fixed by you. Find a new hobby to help you sleep better at night.

Turnover here does seem to be rapid. Looking in the archive, I see it has been this way for years, maybe from the beginning. In a support group like this, turnover is a sign of health! It is a sign that contributors are not getting stuck, but making progress to the point they don't need the group any more.

This is incorrect, a community isn't a 'single use' thing, a community is just that, a group of people with a common direction that stick by and help each other, high turnover is something you want in a business, not a community based support group such as this website. Your perception is skewed. Perhaps you should take a step back and see how you handle things. The people here are not clients, they are not things to be repaired. They are here, looking for support, they are here looking for other people with common backgrounds to share knowledge. Not take and leave.

I see two issues here. One is a matter of personal preference. Whenever a support group becomes very active, there comes a point where you can no longer read everything. Rather than try to limit what others post, why not simply pick and choose what to read?

doesnt help when someone is posting 400 papers (biased and non- productive most of the time, Like the whole EP thing you started.)

I guess in short Una+, have more of a community approach. less of a know it all approach.

I agree that this person really needs to stop attacking Una. Personally she's been the most supportive person here towards me, who is finding it difficult to GET a therapist/psychiatrist and needs support and a way to understand what's going on in the meantime.

If you wanna be accepted in a forum, don't come in guns blazing at one of the people who has been a member for a long time. If you don't want to be accepted here and you're just trying to stir trouble, why bother?

I also don't see the problem with EP/ANP. Looking in peoples signatures and seeing it helps to understand the alters that they have. If an EP posts a fairly emotional or angry or maybe even a bit inappropriate post, we can see that it's an EP and perhaps be a bit more leniant because we know these particular people have had it hard. It makes it easier. I don't see why people are complaining.