Fading memories.

There are numerous reasons why I have poor memory, but I'm trying to work out if any of it is due to DID.

The thing that is hard to explain by any other means is fading memories. I'll do or say something, or a thing will happen, then a few hours/days/weeks etc later it feels like that never happened at all (I'll question that it did/didn't happen) or never happened to ME. But I know deep down it did happen. Is this a DID thing? A denial thing? Or maybe something to do with derealization or depersonalization, which I also have?

Also there are times in my life that I lack memories for, but how much of the past does the average person remember anyway? A lot of my memories are photographs from my album. Or videos of past events that only exist in my head, I access the memory and the "video" plays. Is this a normal memory function, like how everyone's memory works?

My history is jumbled. I can work out a timeline of events, based on what age I or others connected with the memory were, or the job I had or the house I lived in, but without those pointers my past would just be a random series of events in no particular order. I can't REMEMBER the order. I can speak to someone on the phone, then later be unable to remember if it was a few hours ago, yesterday or last week sometime. Is this usual for people? X

I don't know if this is a DID thing or not. I'm still learning myself, but I can say I'm exactly the same way. In fact I was glad to read your post, I thought I was the only one having these types of problems. My memories are all jumbled up. It takes me time to remember things accurately, and I can never seem to get the order right. Especially for things that happened a while back.

I can't tell you what causes it but I can tell you I deal with mine with photographs too. I take photos. lots of them. I almost always have my camera with me. I have thousands of photos on my hard drive sorted by year and month. I can look at photos and it helps me remember 'Oh yeah, thats when i did that thing'. One photo helps jog my memory of a period of time even if I have no photos of the event I want to remember. And I can look at the file date and time that the picture was taken and it helps me remember when something happened. I also use a pda to remember things. Most of my alters use it now, and it makes things easier.

Oh wow I didn't know anyone else had this problem! Especially as a few days go by, it suddenly feels like a week or a month or who knows how long that event happened. I remember all day when something happens and I try SO hard to focus on that memory being a current one, and then it feels like it never happened the next day. A week to me in my mind before an event happens feels like nothing, and after the event it feels like months have gone by since it happened, even if it has only been a few days. Sometimes it completely disappears from my memory bank until someone reminds me of everything.

Photos also jog my memory easily. I don't remember anything about what happened unless I see a picture of myself there. But even then, I don't recognize myself in some of them, it's a strange feeling.

I would love to know what this memory problem can be connected to. I wish I could be of more help, though .

I am the exact same way my memory is like everything that all of you have been describing. Also for me I will kind of know that I did something but it feels like it happened a long time ago even though it was like 5 to 10 minutes ago...it's a very weird feeling..I hate it

I know the feeling. It's like things happened to someone else, or on TV. I always think of it as disconnection between me and my memories. I used to be good at recalling conversations, but nowadays I hardly remembered there was any conversation in the first place. Maybe it has something to do with living in my head so much.

Thanks for your replies. It's good to know I'm not the only one. X

I know exactly how you feel..

I always think back on something that had just happened (i.e a conversation with my mom a few hours ago) and say to myself "Wait... Did that happen.? Or.. Ugh.. I think it did... Ah well." Usually I don't tend to make up new memories or anything, it just feels like I do sometimes.

"I can speak to someone on the phone, then later be unable to remember if it was a few hours ago, yesterday or last week sometime." Ironically, that happened just a few moments ago to me. I was talking to my mom a few hours ago (For the love of it, I cannot remember What we were talking about though >_<) and I had to ask her "Uhm.. Did we just have a conversation about *insert subject here* or.. Was that yesterday..?"

I find it soo annoying, especially during school. I can't remember what assignments are due when, and a lot of the time, I end up turning them in late because I just can't remember when I got what paper. x..x

You were wondering if poor memory can be attributed to DID. I think it can... In fact, poor memory, or a difficulty remembering things, is one of the symptoms that experts tell therapists to notice when diagnosing a DID client. It's one of many other symptoms that can present itself, but it definitely can be related.

I've always had a horrible memory. I have a pretty good short term memory (within the last 24 hours), but once it goes beyond a day, it starts getting bad. People (friends, family, etc) say to me, "Hey, do you remember when..." and I will inevitably not remember. Sometimes I will say I don't remember, sometimes I will just nod and smile and act like I do. I really hate that. And even when I do remember things, they seem like random snapshot-type memories. They don't fit into an overall cohesive whole. If I do remember a longer event (usually of a more traumatic or upsetting nature), it's always as though I'm seeing it from the outside, like I'm watching a movie. I don't see it happening from the perspective of myself but rather looking at myself. I also can't connect any feeling or emotion with any past event or memory. It makes me feel un-human sometimes.

But it makes sense though, when you think about it. People with DID have very fragmented and compartmentalized ways of living and processing things (ie alters, parts, etc), so it would make sense that our memory would also be that way. I really hate it though, because I wish so much I could remember things better, or in a more "whole" way, but I just can't.

However, I don't think everyone with DID has a bad memory. I have a close friend with DID (and quiet severe DID - as far as different types of abuse goes, and number of alters) who has an incredible memory and can recall specific conversations that we've had and everything that was said. I would not be able to recall a single conversation I've had to save my life. She remembers exactly when we met, and exactly what we said to each other. I have absolutely no memory of it. So... I guess it depends on what we needed to survive. Maybe with the type of abuse she had, she needed to be able to recall things quite clearly and specifically... I don't know.

People (friends, family, etc) say to me, "Hey, do you remember when..." and I will inevitably not remember. Sometimes I will say I don't remember, sometimes I will just nod and smile and act like I do. I really hate that. And even when I do remember things, they seem like random snapshot-type memories. They don't fit into an overall cohesive whole.

I could have written that. I've noticed that since I started dealing with the DID, since the alters have all returned, my memory is horrendous. Not only are virtually all childhood memories of three alters being completely blocked, people at work remind me of a whole conversation we had and the recognition is zero. This isn't due to an alter coming out, it's my memory is in shambles. I am forced to rely on lists and notes. If I hadn't journaled the past couple months and posted here, I think the bulk of what happened would be gone. Now I have this perhaps delusional hope that I will remember it all crystal clear eventually if we integrate but that's a big if.

I reread my journal from two months ago and I've already forgotten most of the details and writing it. I know my memory has never been great but I've been aware it more blocked and spotty than just poor. Lately though, it's just atrocious.

I find both things are true of me. I can sometimes remember nearly word-for-word, if not idea for idea, whole conversations and arguments I've had. Sometimes, I cannot tell if I've said or done something, dreamed it, thought of doing it, or some bizarre deja vu thing is going on. The thing I have definitely noticed is that since starting therapy has gotten everyone inside more "awake," so-to-speak, my memory is not as sharp as it used to be. Hubby complains about it all the time. Whereas my early sessions, I could give a detailed report of what was said, I can now sometimes only get lists of topics we discussed and general feelings about the sessions. That's true of pretty much everything in my life right now.