Into His Mind...(understanding)

I’ve known about my boyfriend having DID since the third month into our relationship when a second personality was accidentally drawn out one night.

I apologize ahead of time for ranting and length, unfortunately once I start I have a hard time shutting up. =\

(For the explanation of what caused the split see here: dissociative-identity/topic67425.html)

Early December Johann and I were sitting in my living room talking – my little brother had gone to bed hours ago (he has severe cerebral palsy, so he can’t get out of bed by himself anyway), and my father was at his girlfriend’s, we were alone. Ever since we had first started dating, Johann continuously insisted ‘do not make me angry, ever’. I couldn’t understand this request, because…well, I sort of have a “thing” for making people angry (don’t judge me, haha). So, having no idea what ignoring the request would entail, I decided to push his buttons for a while.

Needless to say, it went from annoyed, to highly irritated, to angry, and into a black-out. Now, the black-out scared the crap out of me, because he literally fell over fainted on the floor of the living room and stopped breathing for a few seconds (I’ve come now to learn he does stop breathing for a few seconds when switching because his body is adjusting to the new persona’s breathing pattern – everyone has different lungs). But if the black-out didn’t scare me enough, having Johann jolt awake, fix me with this demonic glare (no, I don’t claim multiple personalities to be demonic, this one’s anger just gives the impression of pure rage when he’s angry, which is his intention), and then address me in this low southern-accented growl. I knew Johann had lived in the south when he was a child, but there was no hint of a southern accent in his present day speech other than the words purdy and some’n which he cannot pronounce in a New England accent. To hear a full-blown southern accent surprised me.

Now, the second personality seemed to take a few minutes to realize he wasn’t in any danger before asking me something to the effect of, ‘Why’m I here? What’d y’do? I ain’t s’posed t’be here. I’m not s’posed t’get angry. I could HURT ya.’ so I sort of stared at him for a moment and then asked (which I realize you’re probably not supposed to ask, but I had no way of knowing), “Who are you…?” I realized I wasn’t speaking to Johann anymore, even though it seemed hard to grasp. There was awkward silence for a moment before I received a response something to the effect of, ‘I don’t know. I don’t got a name. I’m Johann…but I’m not. I just exist.’

I don’t remember precisely what happened after this, shortly after he said something about being tired, and blacked-out again. And when Johann awoke again he asked me in a half-panicked tone, grabbing me by the shoulders, ‘Shawna, what just happened?? What’s going on? One minute I was talking to you and the next I’m waking up on the floor…did I…pass out or something? What happened??’ I looked away awkwardly for a moment and then responded (stupidly), ‘Well, yes, you passed out. Only you couldn’t have because I was just talking to you…’ Eyes wide, Johann continues to panic, ‘But I was out, you couldn’t have been talking to me…’

It took months into our relationship for me to convince the angry guy I had first met to introduce himself to ‘Johann’ and slowly others began to appear. I’ve met seven total, but only four exist now since as time goes on others have either been absorbed or left because they were no longer needed.

The four personas are as follows:

Johann/HIM: More affectionately known as ‘HIM’ to the others in Johann’s mind as well as myself, HIM is the core or original persona, only he wasn’t aware of it until recently. HIM is actually the angry personality I met the first night that Johann blacked out, only he had been in hiding for so long since the trauma that caused their mind to split, that the fake Johann who had been covering for him believed he was Johann, while HIM believed he was simply the body’s protector. HIM is the rational thought process and know-it-all, as well as the anime geek of their mind. Different from the fake Johann who was a bit of a paranoid pacifist, HIM is more than capable of standing up for himself.
Mentally HIM is eighteen, though his mental body (and Johann’s physical body) are twenty-four.
When speaking as himself, Him has the lowest voice of the body and a New England accent, but he typically speaks in the physical body (Johann)'s soft-spoken one in public. (HIM had a southern accent when I met him, but upon the realization that he is the body's core, his accent completely faded)

Johnny Rebellious/”Johnny Rebel”: Johnny is Johann’s other half. Or at least…he was until the fake Johann disappeared and HIM took over as the main persona where he rightfully belonged. Johnny is the body’s real protector (gate-keeper), though there is presently dispute between him and HIM about this. Johnny, while being a sarcastic ass and a satirical jerk half the time, is also a romantic and the generally sexual side of Johann. However, Johnny is the first to jump to the defense if Johann’s buttons are pushed too far…which was demonstrated one day in December when Johann’s truck got stuck in a snow bank and Johann couldn’t get it out, so frustrated, Johnny took over, went into a rage and punched a dent into the side of it without even damaging Johann’s hand (and the dent is still there to this day…).
Mentally Johnny is fifteen, though his mental body is twenty-four because he spends almost as much time on the outside as Johann does...
Johnny's voice sounds a lot like Him's only it sounds like he has a strained vocal chord (the physical body does have a broken vocal chord, but it only seems to effect Johnny's voice despite HIM having a lower voice. Possibly meaning that Johnny was the one who broke it, we don't know) and his tone has an underlying growl. Johnny has a southern accent that fades in and out of his speech pattern, it's fading over time the longer he stays out in possession.

Chibi Johnny Rebel/”Kiddo”: Affectionately dubbed ‘Kiddo’ by me in the attempt to not have to call two personalities ‘Johnny’, Kiddo is a living flashback of Johnny when he was younger (technically, he’s Johnny’s inner child). Kiddo is a smartass, generally a quick-thinker (which keeps Johann out of danger a lot), an antagonist, and a horny little preteen pain in this ass. But he’s cute when he wants to be.
Kiddo is mentally twelve and his mental body is twelve, though he was fourteen when I first met him. Kiddo also seems, for the most part, to grasp that the physical body is twenty-four, though he makes no attempt to act it.
Kiddo's voice sounds like a higher squeaker version of Johnny's due to being in puberty though his voice doesn't crack as often as it used to, it will unintentionally shift closer to his 'little brother' or Johnny's voice if he doesn't control his tone. Like Johnny, Kiddo has a southern accent that shifts in and out of his tone, and is fading over time. Kiddo's is generally heavier than Johnny's.

Chibi Johann/”Chibi”: Affectionately dubbed ‘Chibi’ by me in an attempt to not have to call at least four personalities Johann (long story), Chibi is Johann’s inner child. Trapped at the age of which the trauma occurred, Chibi represents what innocence Johann has left…which is very little. Morally unable to romantically love a child, Kiddo, Chibi’s “older brother” convinced Chibi to view me as his mother, thus Chibi calls me ‘Mommy’ and acts like Johann and I’s child, though he realizes that Johann’s mother is his real mother. Chibi does NOT remember what happened the night of the trauma because Kiddo, like Johnny for Johann, prevents that memory from reaching him for fear of him going hysterical like Johann himself did at that age.
Chibi is mentally eight, his mental body is eight, and unlike Kiddo does not seem to fully grasp that the physical body is twenty-four, even though he says he does. Chibi is the persona that comes to the surface whenever something goes wrong with the other personalities (ex: HIM and Johnny fighting, Kiddo antagonizing Johnny to the point that Johnny goes into a rage and everything in Johann’s mind goes temporarily cloudy, etc etc)
Chibi has a typical soft-spoken and high-pitched childish voice, and despite being at the age where Johann still had a southern accent (because he didn't when he was Kiddo's age) Chibi had a New England accent.

One thing I have to point out that differs from most people with DID is that the moment I convinced Johnny to come out and speak to me about that night (back when Johann wouldn’t talk about his father’s death), I noticed Johnny kept saying, ‘my dad’. I pointed this out, ‘So you’re all the same person? You claim you aren’t Johann…but I have never heard you say ‘Johann’s dad’.’ Johnny never had an explanation; he just claimed it was his dad. None of the other personalities I’ve met have ever said anything other than ‘my dad’ and ‘my mom’. Is this normal?

I don’t mean to sound like I’m trying to put together a puzzle here or anything, but sometimes I don’t know how to treat each personality. For example…
Johann/HIM is typically in possession, I don’t have a problem with him because that’s who I’m generally talking to.
Johnny will take over while Johann’s driving (and I tell him he shouldn’t be switching in while driving, but he doesn’t listen to me) and start making snarky comments about people, the majority of which are not funny and I don’t know how to respond to them. Like, ‘Aw look, little children outside. Can I run ‘em over?’
Kiddo will take over even more randomly than Johnny, and unlike Johnny who typically introduces himself if he switches in, will imitate the other’s voices and try to make me figure out who I’m talking to (since his voice is stuck in puberty it’s easier for him to imitate any of the others from Chibi’s higher voice to Johnny’s lower one). A lot of the time I’ll mistake Kiddo for Johnny due to them both having a southern accent, and the only way I know when it’s Kiddo is that there are childish faces he makes at me just to watch me get annoyed at him.
Chibi doesn’t come out very often, but when he does he’s very doubtful of himself and me. He’ll tell me things like, ‘I haven’t seen you in a while, Mommy. Why don’t you play with me anymore?’ but if I ask the others when they’re out where Chibi is, they always tell me he’s sleeping, and unless I request to speak to him, he doesn’t really come out.

(For reference there are three retired personalities - Johann (fake), Yohann (fake), and Ecchi. Yohann was the one in control as the main personality the first night I realized Johann had DID (when HIM came out))