DID...MPD...? Does this make sense?

Before I explain my situation with my boyfriend (he's the one with the multiple personalities, not me), I have a quick question.

Does DID have to come from childhood abuse? I know for a fact that the personalities in my boyfriend are not made up and he isn't acting, but they were not created from abuse, they were created due to a traumatic event in his past.

See, when my boyfriend was little, his parents lived on the road, never staying anywhere for long periods of time. When he was eight they settled down in a motel in a small town in Connecticut (where he lives now) because his father was becoming sicker and sicker, frequently having difficulty with his heart and going in and out of the hospital, causing his mother to have to get a full-time job where she barely spent anytime at home (the motel).

One night while his mother was at work, Johann woke up in the middle of the night to his father having problems with his heart. Unable to calm him down or do anything about it no matter what he did, Johann ran out of their motel room to the payphone outside and called 911. But being that he was a child and couldn't give the exact address of where they were staying, the medic didn't fully believe him, and told Johann to go back to the room and check his father's pulse to make sure he was still alive. Not knowing exactly what that meant, Johann went back to the motel room to do what she said, and in the process found no pulse and that his father was dead. After sitting there holding him, trying to wake him up for a period of time to no avail, he ran around the motel banging on people's doors trying to get someone's - anyone's - attention. Most people either ignored him, and one person slammed a door in his face for waking him up at 2:00 in the morning. Finally the motel owner and his wife opened their door. The owner left Johann with his wife and went to see for himself, and upon realizing he was dead, called 911 again, but it was already too late.

Johann's mom came home from work a few hours later and throughout his life has blamed him for having trouble remembering exactly what happened that night down to the last detail, even though he can remember the events, he can't fully describe them. Weeks post the event Johann's depression level had hit rock-bottom where he probably never would have surfaced again. And that's where personality number 1 comes from.

Now, I'll explain the personalities in a bit, but first...does this story make sense? It's all true, I've spoken to his mom, I've seen the motel (the owner let us go back there when the two of us started dating saying that he remembered Johann and that he would do anything to help 'put his mind at rest'), I've seen him go into a mental breakdown over the memory of that night...

So if it isn't abuse, but is still a traumatic experience is it considered DID or are they simply multiple personalities?

(The motel, for anyone who is curious, his father died in the doorway to their room's bathroom: http://i95.photobucket.com/albums/l156/MandraKara/104_0673.jpg
Johann knows that the images are still on my digital camera, he's told me never to erase them, part of him wants to remember.)

Abuse is the most common but by no means the only cause of DID or dissociative identity disorder, formerly known as MPD or multiple personality disorder. Same thing. The death of a parent, and the emotional trauma that would have gone along with how you describe it happened, absolutely would have been sufficient to cause dissociation and DID.

Chris Costner Sizemore, one of the most famous sufferers due to the 1957 film The Three Faces of Eve, said her personalities were related to witnessing three horrible accidents, one resulting in death. Herschel Walker, one of the greatest football running back of all time, indicated his other personalities were not caused by abuse but overwhelming childhood fears. Mind-control experiments have caused other multiplicities. Trauma of almost any kind might trigger dissociation leading to multiple parts.

Once dissociation happens and a distinct personality is created, the child is more likely to use this protective device again for future traumas.

I hope your boyfriend has or is seeking experienced, professional help. Success rates are quite high for this condition. He sounds lucky to have someone like you at his side.

MK91 wrote:Does DID have to come from childhood abuse?

This would be a gray area for most without DID. I'll step out on a limb here and answer your question by saying no. Even though many people do get DID from childhood abuse, it's important to realize that there is no difference between childhood abuse and traumatic events. They're one and the same, just that childhood abuse is only one form of a traumatic event.

That being said, you can look at your boyfriend's experience as both childhood abuse AND a traumatic event. He was a child. He was in what would be a traumatic situation even for an adult. The abuse in his mind stems from no one believing him, ie when he called 911 the first time and they didn't take him seriously, when he went door to door and no one would help him, etc. In that situation, those things WERE child abuse, albeit for a very short time, but just a severe nonetheless on a child's mind in that situation. Also the fact that he didn't have a stable home life, on the road all the time, no place to call home, never being able to keep friends so he stopped even trying, his mom never being around and especially when he needed her the most. And then his mother had the GALL to blame it on him! Wouldn't you call all this child abuse? I sure would and I will.

I know all this because I lived that way myself when I was a child, except my situation was much much worse, but this is not the time to go into all that. The point I'm trying to make here is that even though he may not have been physically abused, he certainly was mentally abused and for a very long time. The event with his father's passing was a catalyst for him.

He is lucky to have you with him, someone who truly cares.

Once dissociation happens and a distinct personality is created, the child is more likely to use this protective device again for future traumas.

There's definitely one of those...I've seen here on the forums that's known as the 'gate-keeper', right? Johann and I have been referring to that personality as a living defense mechanism, which that personality has never taken offense to being called. He's triggered whenever some sort of panic sinks into to Johann, a situation he can't deal with, or if he's in danger. That's why that personality was created to encase the memory of that night, so that Johann would never have flashbacks again.

The point I'm trying to make here is that even though he may not have been physically abused, he certainly was mentally abused and for a very long time. The event with his father's passing was a catalyst for him.

I guess I never really thought about it that way. Well, I mean, I did, but the majority of cases you hear about in these forums are of physical abuse of some sort, but I guess I should understand that mental abuse can be just as bad or in some cases worse. In his case, I can out-right say he probably would have preferred to be physically abused than experience all of the mental abuse that happened that night and the weeks that followed simply because when he was a child he believed himself to be a fighter.

Either way, thank you, both of you, your responses really do make sense.

I don't think he's crazy, to be honest. I never thought he was. I find the other personalities fascinating, if I may be allowed to say that. I'm not viewing him as a science experiment or anything, but watching the differences from one personality to another it's pretty interesting. Kind of makes me want to go into psychology when I start college (I'm nineteen - Johann's twenty-four). Johann claims he doesn't want to get help because he doesn't want to be labeled insane or be put on medication or anything, so all I really can do is stand by and make sure the others don't do anything they aren't supposed to. Everyone accepts me now, even if it took them a little while to do so because I'm one of very few people who knows they exist and doesn't want to drag them to therapy. All they really want is to be heard for who they are personally and not just as Johann like they have to be on a daily basis in front of other people.

Yes, it makes sense. DID is caused by early childhood trauma, usually but not necessarily abuse. I have explicit memories of non-abusive trauma and my family has stories of additional trauma that I do not remember. Like your boyfriend and many contributors here, I too lived in a very insecure and sometimes physically unsafe environment, and I was overly responsible for looking after adults who should have been looking after me, and there was much denial.