I wish this was all over (I need to vent, very triggering)

*edited*

I wish I could say something helpful here Katariina, but all I can say is I'm sorry you have to go through all that.

You mentioned you don't want to move out since it's mainly your uncle, your cousin and your grandmother who are causing you most trouble. So, are they only living in your house on a temporary basis? Sorry if I missed that part of your post. If they are going to stay with you for good/for a long time, I think the best thing you could do is to move out, at least for a while. I understood that you are thinking of your little brother's well-being, but it seems to me that your well-being is far more critical now. I haven't read back your posts and therefore I don't know if you're getting any counseling or other support outside your home at the moment, but if you have/know any kind of supportive connections that could help you in this situation, do use them.

It certainly isn't a useless topic at all.
Loving, caring, kind and sweet as you are, and for worrying about your brother and rightfully so .... I think you need to look out for number one right now. That is you.

Sorry I don't have any other suggestions to help.

Jeez Katariina. I'm so sorry to hear they've been getting to you so bad lately. I know what it's like to have your family constantly riding your ass about every little thing. For me it wasn't so much about appearance (as a guy) but it's really hard to keep your head up when it seems like everyone around you is trying to drag you down with them. That's why I finally had to get out, and though it's been difficult, it was the best thing I could have done. Now that there's some distance between my family and I we get along much better. They're close enough that I can visit them when needed, but far enough away that I have complete autonomy. I know you don't want to leave, but a person can only take so much of that, and if you can't make them stop, it might reach a point where that's the only option.

Just keep in mind Kat, what they say isn't true. You don't deserve to be beaten, or any of that crap. You're an awesome person and nothing they can do can change who you really are. You've certainly helped me through some tough times since I've showed up here, and if you need to talk I'll be here.

Thank you guys... I'm sorry for spilling it all out like that. Yes, under ice it's temporary for my uncle and cousin to live here, until he stays with a job long enough to pay for an apartment on his own. My grandmother however is here to stay, but I can live with that if she eases up on being so overbearing. I just can't take my uncle and cousin anymore. It violates me in every way just being around them. My uncle makes me feel especially violated as he's pinched my ass and told me many times that if I weren't related to him, that he would be hitting on me, and all sorts of sexually disgusting things. I can't even wear a bathing suit around them because they both look at me in a disgusting way.

Raoul you're the best also. Thank you for listening to me. I sound like I'm leaving everyone but I'm not, I'm in one of those weird limbo dissociated states. I couldn't move out if I wanted to right now, but I could get a job and get out more which I want to do, but I want to be there for my brother to make sure he grows up unscathed by these people. They know how talented and smart he is, and I'd hate to see them be the reason he's afraid to use any of that when he gets older.

I'm really grateful for you all and this place I've come to call home..

Katariina, I'm so sorry to hear you're feeling this way even though you are not appricated as much as you should be at home, I know there are a lot of people that appriciate your help on here, I know that you have definately helped me with a lot! You are a beautiful, strong person and do not deserve to be treated the way you are at all.
You probably know from posts where we've spoken that we've had similar experiences happen to us, particularly with boyfriends. Honestly the advice you've given me when I've felt the way you do now helped save me from doing anything stupid. So i'm gonna remind you of the inspiring things you said to me to help, since now it seems you might even need your own words of advice

If it is the people who have abused you saying these things, think to yourself: If they are so low as to have put you through hell, why would you let their opinion of you change your life? They don't deserve you, you're a beautiful and special person and they tried to take you down to their selfish level so that you don't realize that for yourself.

And in regards to your emotionally abusive boyfriend? Walk away. Like you said to me, people who treat you like that are the ones doing wrong and they're the ones who don't deserve you as you are a good person, beautiful inside out no matter what ignorant a-holes say. If your boyfriend is defending these idiots, he does not deserve you. You don't need anyone else who is going to bring you down. You're not a bitch and certaintly not a crazy c*nt either.
It’s ridiculous how these people will insult the way you are when they can’t even go to the toilet. Who the f*ck are they to judge you?! They sound like the most inconsiderate idiots and it just shows how strong you are to be able to put up with them this long! How much longer are they staying with you and your family for? Hopefully not much longer. Do your parents not care? I would have snapped a lot sooner than you, so you must be a very patient and loving person, which you’ve often showed to me in your posts and the way you speak about your younger brother. Thank god he has someone around like you to help and encourage him.

About your dad – I have the exact same frustrations of being compared. With most men actually. But he is wrong, you don’t need to be like these women on tv. It sounds like your family just take their own pathetic frustrations out on you and don’t think about anyone else but themselves.
Some people just pray on what they consider the ‘weak’ (i.e. young girls with no confidence) and will make it worse for you. Stay strong, if not for yourself, for your baby brother. Sounds like he needs you more than ever. You’re NOT a complete ###$ up. You shouldn’t have to put up with them, any of them. You don’t realise how strong you are and just how much you have overcome. Just living with this a*seholes is enough to traumatise anyone, the emotional abuse alone is alot for anybody to handle, and you’ve had to deal with that and so much more.

Please don’t give up hope, I know it’s hard but I also know you’ve made a difference to people lives, I know since you helped me with my alters and given me good advice when I’ve felt how you do!
Stay strong,
K

You are so sweet carpediem, really. I know you're been where I am and it's really helpful to know you remember that .

carpediem46 wrote:It’s ridiculous how these people will insult the way you are when they can’t even go to the toilet. Who the f*ck are they to judge you?! They sound like the most inconsiderate idiots and it just shows how strong you are to be able to put up with them this long! How much longer are they staying with you and your family for? Hopefully not much longer. Do your parents not care? I would have snapped a lot sooner than you, so you must be a very patient and loving person, which you’ve often showed to me in your posts and the way you speak about your younger brother. Thank god he has someone around like you to help and encourage him.

Thank you again heh, I really love my brother (as I've always wanted a brother, I have a sister).They are supposed to be here until he has a steady income and can afford to leave. He has had job opportunities before but he will quit at the drop of a hat and mooch off of us. My dad and step-mom have had enough with them also and are ready to kick him out if this job he has now works out enough to give him a paycheck. They are all stressed from him and his son, but my dad would rather ignore it than fight about it.

carpediem46 wrote:Please don’t give up hope, I know it’s hard but I also know you’ve made a difference to people lives, I know since you helped me with my alters and given me good advice when I’ve felt how you do!
Stay strong,
K

I'll keep everything you've all said in mind, especially you . I know that I have moments when it all builds up and I can't handle it, like in the past, but it does pass and I get more strength somehow. The most frustrating part of it all is that I just want to be the best I can be, but it seems that everyone thinks it's not enough which is should be. My boyfriend may be an ass, but I am guilty of just as much to him because we both are so stressed from my family (we live together). The cycle is almost never-ending. Stress with family causes stress in relationship causes fighting back with family and so on.

My only hope of being sane for the time being is having people like you guys who understand that this isn't normal. Normal families don't act this way, and I feel crazy because they all try to make me think it IS normal. I love my step-mom too, she understands this is all wrong and speaks up about it. But I mean really, it's like they all feed off of their own behavior and we all have to just deal with it because speaking up would hurt their feelings. But what about my feelings? What about my brother's feelings? Am I supposed to look him in the eye and tell him he has no more jelly beans (M&M's he calls them jellybeans) I bought him for Easter because his stupid cousin ate them all? It's little sh*t like that that tears me up and I want to lose control, but I stop myself.

Ugh, it'll pass, and it'll get easier I know. But that doesn't make what I feel right now feel any less painful. If it wasn't for this forum I think I'd be in bed all day wallowing about all of this hehe..

I do remember these things as I know you're one of the people who has helped me most on here! and I wanted you to know that so you realise you are an important part of people's lives and definately helped in my current recovery process!
Well I hope he doesn't get any job but still gets kicked out, just so he suffers hehe.
I know how you feel, sometimes it just feels all too much and you have a cry, and I too have had moments where I'll have things in front of me and stare at them thinking how much I'd love to escape but we are both smart enough to know this won't help. Yes it will stop the thinking, but you know that your brother needs you and we're both still young and we'll have time to escape these horrible abusive situations and do what WE want to do with our lives. There's still hope
Sorry for my language, but f*** what some of the idiots in your family 'want you to be'. You be what you wanna be, and that will be enough if it's what YOU want!
This is not normal, and your uncle and cousin are not normal for thinking it is. But then again, look at the way they live? They CLEARLY wouldn't know normality if it hit them round the face! You are in no way the crazy one here and I'm glad that at least once person is there to stick up for you! It made me mad even reading it!
I know what you mean, my sister would get away with being a total b**** just because my mum was scared of her. I'm not confrontational but she is, and she'd almost get rewarded for it. I love my mum, but I think some parents are cowardly when it comes to family and don't always have their prorities straight, they just do what seems like the easiest route.
& thank god for the forum then I will always have time to listen to you, you've done a lot for me and i'd be happy to help you back, especially when we're in similar situations. We will BOTH get through this, for sure!

Thank you so much!

I know exactly what you mean, my mom and sister are the exact same. It's most of my family who tries to pretend like the conflict isn't there when it clearly is. But I mean, why? Why ignore it when you could DO something about it?? I am young, and it is not my house to set rules for, but it should be a sanctuary and not a hell to live in. These people have invaded it like insects and are turning everything they touch into sh*t. This reverse psychology crap they are pulling is driving me up the wall.

You rock. I'm happy there are people out there who know what it feels like and that there is always a light at the end of the tunnel. I feel a hundred times better since last night and hopefully I can ride that happiness a good couple of days hehe.

They don't do anything because it's less stress for them. So selfish, but that's why! Definately in my family it is, because I'm always made to feel like a burden. You must have a lot of patience though, I would have gone mental by now so I'm glad you have a more calm way of handling these things!
I'm so glad you're feeling better and yes, we can talk about all these horrible people whenever you want haha!
I hope your happy feelings lasts too!