Alters communication via......

Alia wrote:Lolo
I've found that if say Alia is really sad and can't express it or can't cry which is often the case or doesn't understand why she is seeing or feeling certain things, I can sort of cue up a song and just step back. Believe me, she is none the wiser. It's sort of the prodding in the direction of hopefully helping her figure things out. God knows we are so far out. Music has many uses. It's a handy medium when people are receptive or just unaware as is the case.
Fen

Fen your right. For me with the my alts who are not feeling so safe they speak to me this way and for my alts who don't prefer to talk I speak to them this way. Sometimes they talk to each other this way and sometimes one uses certain songs to entertain the little ones. I don't push it. The ones who are self destructive it can be a double edge sword. Sometimes they want to pull me into there anger and they can do that via music. That is pretty scary. The partial lyrics from one are

"What I'm really trying hard to get down to words
Is the way I fit into this world
Things I survived pushed me to the darkeer side
Because of life as it was the life that was
Yours should've never been mine
But I never could take anymore of this
Cause I'm always gonna get down to the floor
It's a cold gun that I kiss
'Cause I cannot break anymore"

The music hard. Its scary but I used to push it away now I am trying to listen to it.
Your beautiful Fen

Lolo,
A REALLY old song that Alia has dug up and obsessed over that last few days. What you think she is thinkin bout?
Crack The Sky
Sometimes at night I close my eyes and wish
Sometimes I wonder if I'd ever be missed
If you came for me, if you came for me

I never asked you for a whole lot of things
I never begged you for the riches of kings
But I've one request and I hold it up to you

Come on and crack the sky for me
Come on and crack the sky
And take me home, take me home
Come on and crack the sky for me
Come on and crack the sky
And take me home, take me home tonight

Though you got me where you want me to be
I know you got a plan for using me
But I long for you, but I long for you

So there I was til your ready for me
I don't know if I can guarantee
That at no matter what price
I'll never try to get to you
Chorus
--Mylon LeFevre and Broken Heart

Freeing herself? In a good way, I hope. What do you feel, Fen? By the way, is there a progression for alts if you don't know you have one?

Alia wrote:Lolo,
A REALLY old song that Alia has dug up and obsessed over that last few days. What you think she is thinkin bout?
Crack The Sky
Sometimes at night I close my eyes and wish
Sometimes I wonder if I'd ever be missed
If you came for me, if you came for me

I never asked you for a whole lot of things
I never begged you for the riches of kings
But I've one request and I hold it up to you

Come on and crack the sky for me
Come on and crack the sky
And take me home, take me home
Come on and crack the sky for me
Come on and crack the sky
And take me home, take me home tonight

Though you got me where you want me to be
I know you got a plan for using me
But I long for you, but I long for you

So there I was til your ready for me
I don't know if I can guarantee
That at no matter what price
I'll never try to get to you
Chorus
--Mylon LeFevre and Broken Heart

Fen I will try not to be so bold. Lolo is interrupted music is my soul.
What I see is Alia wants to be with you. Just the way you are to be noticed.
Not to be put in a place you feel is the only place Alia can be to be with you.
Waiting breathing ready to accept you as you are and wanting to be accepted for what Alia is.
Alia wants to be safe in you, breath with you, see with you and part of you.

That is what I got from it.

Lolo wrote my song for you all I can not break anymore so Lolo needed to wake and we are trying. It is not easy I want to breath, I want to see so maybe I am reading more me then Alia in the words you put down but I don't think so. Lolo will chime in I am sure when she wakes up unless this bends her to much. If I am wrong about the way the lyrics message me then forgive me.

Nanashi wrote:Freeing herself? In a good way, I hope. What do you feel, Fen? By the way, is there a progression for alts if you don't know you have one?

Hi Nanashi,
BTW thanks for the convos with Alia, I think she has become fond of you. Generally, I just feel exasperation with trying to manage getting some kind of understanding with all of us and the lack of success thus far. My job isn't to be all touchy feely I'm afraid. There are things needed to be protected and basically trying to facilitate order. Sometimes I think it would be easier to bring together Bin Laden and Bush for tea than to get ours to talking.
As far as the progression for alters if you don't know-- I don't really understand the question, could you explain what you are looking for?
Fen

What I mean is, I guess, what is the first sign of having an alt or emerging. I believe I just found out I have OCD behavior in relation to emotions. It has felt like for some years that whenever I experience deep emotions revolving around anger, sadness (words should be malice/sorrow) that I am putting them off to another "me". All I want them to be is those feelings because I can't deal with them. Is that right or something else? I'm confused.

It could be that you have another alter to deal with those emotions. How about other negative emotions such as anxiety/fear? Do you have ready access to those? Do you ever have times that you feel a little "unreal" for lack of a better word or disconnected like you are just kind of in the passengers seat and someone else is in control of you? Kind of like when you taken a familiar drive that you have taken 100 times and you get home and realize that you don't remember half of it?

Anxiety, yes. Fear, I don't think so. I usually relate that to the anger because that's what it forms into. I want to confront it so it won't haunt me. I don't think I've come to those other areas but, I have had a hard time dealing with the said emotions to the point I start to cry. That's never happened before.
As a side note, there is a "feminity" issue as well in regard to "motherly" emotions. Bah! This is hard to explain! There might be a desire for female qualities (nothing body altering) such as being looked at as a loving, nurturing woman. Those feelings have a face on them too.
I've realized this before and find myself catering to these thoughts. I might not have DID now but, I think I'm forcing those to two form. I also know that my appearance would have to change in order to facilitate them. They have to be individualized. Does any of this even make sense??? Am I talking about something else?

I think I understand what you are saying about the feminine thing. I'm going to try to relate it to how Alia looks at things and maybe you will understand and maybe some other people will jump in.

Alia does something similar only with numbers. Certain numbers are feminine and certain ones are masculine. For the longest time I was perplexed as to why. She is still clueless except to her 8 is just perfectly female and4,5,6, 7 and 9 can only be male. Once I did a system map it all made sense to me that the way the alters came about fell in line with how alia gendered numbers.
Maybe if you do in fact have DID that is who holds those emotions is female alters.
Just my guess.

That sounds pretty close if not right. Associating emotions with gender...You are correct. Nothing traumatic (at least I don't think) has happened to me to bring about an alt so, why would I have these "dormant" two? I react more to how others feel most cases and rarely myself.