my bad

i've just been dx'd with bpd + add
i thought the noise in my head was from alters, but i guess not
i don't lose time
DID was an attempt to explain all of this disjointed thoughts and feelings that seemed to come from nowhere
the techniques everyone taught me here have helped to define my pain, untangle my thoughts
i thought i did have DID. i'm not so sure anymore
im sorryt for wasting everyones time
bye

If this forum has been helpful to you, then how is it a waste of time? Also, just because they now diagnose you with something else, doesn't necessarily mean it's true. Some therapists come across someone they just don't know what to do with, and will just throw random diagnoses at them; sometimes seemingly illogically. Personally, though I can't speak for anyone else here, I think you should stay. Like you said, it helped make sense of what was going on to you, and there's no reason why it still can't. If you don't actually have it, I'm sorry for you because your therapist made you think that, but in the end, isn't getting help the important thing (maybe this is the right kind of help for you anyways, idk).

Sry, it's a little messy in my head right now; need sleep... But yeah, you should totally still stay here awhile, at least until you know for sure you really aren't. Can't hurt anything, right?

i guess. i just feel like scum because i dont know whats wrong with me or how to fix it
or maybe thats just the bpd talking
i'm going to keep trying to give back to this forum because its helped me
but it looks like im back to square one on my own path

Hmm... what happened to this: "I do have DID... without a shadow of a doubt. That comes after a really #######5 night and day of self-doubt and alter-searching."

cocoanutmonkey is right. You know DID is often misdiagnosed as BPD, bipolar, schizophrenia, etc.


They even posted. How do you explain that?
dissociative-identity/topic50797.html

i'm so confused. maybe i shouldn't be taking a T's word for this.

i read that post i made a while ago and i dont know what to make of it. everything obviously happened because i remember it happening. i remember the fear i felt and it was raw and real, but i dont know anymore

i've been extra-depressed the past couple days. been in the house except for brief cigarette outings after dark... waking up at 5pm, moping, rinse repeat. but ive managed not to cut... although i have those thoughts quite a lot every day now
i guess i've managed to convince myself that i dont have DID and i'm just an attention seeking prat. so i buried everything again.
i just feel like nothing's worth doing, because right now i cant seem to be able to do anything well.
oh, and i havent studied because i've run out of $ for ADD meds... thats a dumb excuse i know

am i a new alter? am i the self? do i have DID? Aspergers? BPD? DPD? Am I just depressed? Munchhausen's? i dont know where to turn anymore

insurance only covers 5 therapist sessions per year.. the new annum starts in september
i'm paralyzed into inaction. i've got no money for extra sessions. if i mess up and i cann't deal with it in 5 sessions, i'm screwed

and my social problems are getting worse, as much as i hope they'll get better with time. i kind of just half-asse comments on things ppl say. i dont really have anything to say.

that last one is something thats been pushing me to say i dont have DID. because if all my alters are different, why would they all be so anti-social? i kind of just exist in a conversation within my own body... its like i can't focus my attention. if someone's standing next to me, i have to make a strong effort to pay attention to what they're saying if i actually want to normally reciprocate. most of the time i just kinda stand there, spaced into my own thoughts.

i hate talking about this because i feel i come off as a whiney prat, which is the exact opposite of the type of person i really am (or used to be). i'm really overcritical of myself because i hate to think of what others think of me... even though i over-value everyone, even strangers. someone called me a good person, and i couldnt take it as a compliment, all i could think was that how its such a base thing to be. good people get screwed over, good people get hurt, and good people often end up with nothing in the end
its the assholes that win, and i want to be one of them now
the meek may inherit the earth, but i want it NOW


another long winded rant, as usual. i dont talk about this $#%^ anywhere else. i guess it does feel better once i talk about it but its like every fibre of me wants to stop me from doing just that

I don't put much stock in diagnoses. If they fit with what you can identify with, then it can be comforting to know that someone gets what you're going through. But other than that, mental health diagnoses are subjective without physical proof, so any old schmuck can slap a label on you while the next schmuck says the first schmuck is a schmuck.

I always forget whether BPD is bipolar disorder or borderline personality disorder, but here are my thoughts on both:

Bipolar
If you EVER say a relative (especially parent/sibling) is bipolar, you will without doubt get this diagnosis. My mom has that and schizophrenia and any doctor I've mentioned it to automatically assigns it to me, although I and the others have never had a manic episode in our life. A recent hospitalization for Meagan's suicide attempt and hearing voices that take control of the body...and she was discharged 5 days later with bipolar disorder. What a crock.

Borderline
This one is the diagnosis they give if either 1) they can't figure out WHAT you have but have to put some label (look at the criteria, practically anyone in the world could meet them ) or 2) more commonly, it is a diganosis given to anyone who is considered difficult to work with or a troublemaker. In general, a borderline either adores you or abhors you with a rapid switch between the two. If you are EVER given this diagnosis and are not at least 90% sure it fits, I WOULD NOT repeat it to any other professional because the standing reaction is that borderlines are very challenging and fatiguing to work with and some will just write you off because of it. As a side note, many experts in the field of DID argue that borderline should be grouped with the dissociative disorders and not the personality disorders.

So anyway I agree that you should stay around if this forum is helping in any way. I mean what can it hurt? And when you deal with therapists and doctors, don't waste precious session time trying to adapt to some diagnosis. Just deal with what's REALLY bothering you and get advice on that. Forget about what they think of you, what diagnosis you have, etc, and just tell it like it is. And don't forget to immediately tell them when they are not "getting it" so that the time is not wasted by going the wrong direction. That's the only way to get real help considering the limited resources. Sometimes I make a list. It keeps us on track and I don't go away thinking 'crap I wanted to discuss yadayada.'

Finally remember that a T sees you way more often and knows you way better than any 5 minute session with a oooo-big-kahuna doctor

Good luck,
Whats-Left-Of-DeAnna

quicksilver wrote:i guess. i just feel like scum because i dont know whats wrong with me or how to fix it
or maybe thats just the bpd talking
i'm going to keep trying to give back to this forum because its helped me
but it looks like im back to square one on my own path

Mara has BPD & DID & she is constantly, constantly going through what you've said above. I agree that if it has been helpful to you here then you should stay. DID wasn't the "problem" with mara but we came here on the DID forums because everyone is so supportive & helpful. Now we know she has BPD it has explained a lot, but she/we still posts on this board because this is way more comfortable.

I think you should stay & clearly I'm awesome so you should listen to me
-Ker

quicksilver wrote:maybe i shouldn't be taking a T's word for this.

You shouldn't be, if you have doubts about what he/she is telling you. How much time did the therapist spend with you, before giving you the BPD diagnosis?

quicksilver wrote:i guess i've managed to convince myself that i dont have DID and i'm just an attention seeking prat. i hate talking about this because i feel i come off as a whiney prat, which is the exact opposite of the type of person i really am (or used to be). i'm really overcritical of myself because i hate to think of what others think of me... even though i over-value everyone, even strangers

Yeah, I know that feeling I don't think you came off as whiny. You're just upset and need an outlet... which is partially what this site is for I think it's more than fine for you to do that...

quicksilver wrote:that last one is something thats been pushing me to say i dont have DID. because if all my alters are different, why would they all be so anti-social?

Not sure. Maybe there are more alters that you're not aware of, yet? Or maybe they've all just been hurt too much, to really like being around people.

InfinitD wrote:I always forget whether BPD is bipolar disorder or borderline personality disorder

Borderline Personality Disorder The abbreviation for bipolar disorder only has 2 letters in it. Think borderline personality disorder = 3 words (so 3 letters), and bipolar disorder = 2 words (so 2 letters).

mosaicmonkey wrote:I think you should stay & clearly I'm awesome so you should listen to me
-Ker

Yep

What's the most important is that you get the right support, no matter what diagnosis you have.

I was misdiagnosed many times before I got diagnosed DID. In the end, it doesn't matter
what you call it, it matters that you get the right support and you begin healing.

And as always, keep questioning your diagnosis if it doesn't seem right.
Either you'll get the answers you need answered, or you'll understand why you have a new diagnosis,
or even find it was the wrong one.

I was misdiagnosed bipolar for a long time and had made a bunch of friends with the same thing,
only to find out I didn't have it. It made me feel like a fraud, even though it wasn't my fault.
But the experience was real, we all helped each other with our experiences, and no one felt badly
towards me for it.
Don't worry too much about the diagnosis. You're not scum. Everyone is here to get some help