one alter's inappropriate behavior *TRIGGERING*

smack me across the face??? who the ###$ do you think you are?? i would enjoy that way too much sucker! they have no control over me and what right does she have to even drag our busuness in some ######6 forum!! you gonna get in my face and your gonna get it right back plus more! thats just the way it is!

andrew takes no $#%^ from anybody!



andrew the bastard

D'awww, little boy trying to act tough! It's like being threatened by a yappy little puppy.

Hi.

This is Richard, another one of Kim's parts. Mr. Bates, I hope to god you are not a therapist. Where is the compassion for the underlying facts here? Obviously being here you know what causes DID, and yet you make an insensitive comment like that? There is obviously a reason why Andrew is acting the way in which he is. I only wish he would talk to someone about his feelings, it is very loud in here these days. The system is in chaos, but obviously, Mr. Bates you don't seem to care about that. And to agravate the situation by calling him a, "yappy little puppy?" To me that's just adding fuel to the fire, not helping.

I'm not a therapist either, but I do know you don't scream and yell at a troubled soul to get them to act the way that you want, even if that soul is screaming and yelling himself.

I just thought I would express my personal feelings since this is why Kim joined this forum for us all to express ourselves.

Thank you for your time.


Richard

Hello Andrew, it's good you stick up for yourself and that you don't take $#%^ from anybody.
Obviously you are good at protecting.
Why do you call yourself a bastard, though? You seem more like someone hurting or protecting hurt to me.

You're doing a job, right now. This job has worked for you before and might be working for you now.
However, it's not helping your system right now and that means you're unfortunately hurting yourself.
If you have something that's really upsetting you, you don't need permission to say what it is.
Just as he has no right to tell someone to strike you, you have no right to strike someone as well.
We're all very aware you are capable of hurt.
But it is not acceptable.
Don't take $#%^ from yourself either. No one enjoys abuse. They can only protect themselves and say that they do.

I know quite a few of my 'kids' are giving me strict guidelines to follow while posting on this forum.
I keep it in mind and wait until they feel safe, respecting them is the only way I'll gain their trust right now.
If you feel your boundaries are being pushed make them clear.
No one is above asking for help. No one is broken enough not to be helped.
If you're going to push Kim and her therapist around you must feel like a tough guy.
Are you tough enough to actually look at why you're doing this? Most people aren't.
Good luck to you. Don't condone or perpetuate abuse, I don't want to see you or Kim hurt.
What exactly are you protecting? Could it be that maybe anger is too frightening of an emotion for Kim
to experience?

And as always, be safe. You don't have a reason to trust me or anyone on this board, so you can practice
your own discretion if you decide to reply to me. I have done nothing to earn your trust, so it's okay not
to trust me. It's actually a good thing, because it's probably what has kept you guys all going this time.
The only people you need to learn to trust are in your own system.
I mean you no harm. I hope things get better for you all soon.

Ohhhh Richard, thank God you're not a therapist either. Clearly your idea of making things better is sugarcoating and holding hands.

When you sit there trying to be "nice" and that CRAP, you're just giving him more excuses to walk all over you and the rest of the system. You cannot tolerate it. Every time he says something like that, you have to shoot it down hard. He gets it enough times, he's not going to want to keep talking like that.

Don't you ever dare question my compassion because you disagree with my methods, Richard. If I say something "troubling" like that, there IS a good reason behind. Maybe you can't see it past the bubblegum trees and poofy pink clouds, but there is REAL reasoning to it, and that's not to harm the system.

How about if he's directing his anger at me, he's not directing it at the system, genius?

Wow. You know, I joined this forum for support, understanding, help and information. I didn't join for me and my parts to get into arguments. I didn't join to be told I'm living in bubblegum trees and poofy pink clouds. I'm sorry, Mr. Bates, that Richard questioned your compassion, but to me having compassion for someone is not getting into their face and yelling at them. To me it's having the ability to understand. I'm not saying your methods are wrong, I'm just saying over years of trying, yelling and getting into Andrew's face has yet to work. What I think I really wanted to know was, how to get Andrew to open up about his feelings...of the past, the present, whatever they may be.

To Broken_Mirror, You are right, I can not express anger, Andrew and one other do that for me. They are the, "firefighters." Thank you for your kind words to Andrew, I hope he answers you.


Kim

Mr. Bates, I would like to ask you a question, but I'm a bit afraid of what your response is going to be. You seem to be a bit harsh. Are you always like this, or did something we said set you off, like the fact that Richard and I don't completely agree with your methods? You seem very defensive.

Please don't yell at us in your response...


Kim

I'm a very caring person, but I'm a very harsh person. I will never sugarcoat anything for you, I will never lie to make you feel better. I'll always give you the answers you need, not always the ones you want. Take it or leave it, I'll carry on regardless, but don't accuse me of something I am not. And I am not some rotten bastard looking to hurt you.

Here, you want one that's not getting in his face. Everything he says, respond with "That's nice, now what is that you want?" and whatever other variations you can make from that. That's as cheerful an answer as you'll ever get from me.

Don't you ever dare question.....?
I'll always give you the answers you need....?
Take it or leave it....?

That all doesn't sound right to me, Mr Bates.
That's controlling, dominant and authoritarian.
That's for boot camps on TV.

That's not for a "self" that is supposed to facilitate communication.
And that self doesn't have to sugarcoat things either.
Just being 'neutral' is more than good enough.

Thank you Pob. I appreciate your comments about this. I was beginning to feel like I was being made to feel bad about my parts comments. I don't feel Richard's comments or my comments were rude.

Back to the original post, does anyone have any advise on how to get an out of control part like this to open up about his feelings of the past, present, and a future? So we can all learn to work together. We do have a very good therapist, but he will no longer speak to her unless it's rude comments.

Thanks everybody.


Kim