Girlfriend with DID

Hi guys, im new here looking for advice about my girlfriend. I found out at christmas she has DID, we were together for 2 months before that, and everything was great, i had no idea about it. Then she started falling apart, crying and becoming depressed, before i knew it she was too scared to see me. Eventually she explained what she had. It didnt make a difference to me as I love her very much.

Last week she felt ready to see me again, and things went great. Then 2 days ago i saw her, and it was like she was petrified of me all over again. It seems several of her alters have a dislike and a fear of men, which is completly understandable. She thought they were coming round, but after our last meeting she switched and hasnt spoken to me since.

She has told me she loves me and whatever happens she doesnt want me to give up, but it seems my presence is disturbing some of her alters, therefore making it impossible to see me.
They refuse to have anything to do with me, even though i have said they can talk to me, they are safe and I am here for them, the alter simply says they are ok on their own.

Is there anything i can do to help the situation, or am i better off leaving her alone for the time being? She is waiting for therapy, but is looking at a 16 week wait from now, i dont know what to do for the best.

Any help will be most appreciated

Matt

Go ahead and give them some space. Just like any woman with a fear of men, it will take time before they can trust you. Continue to encourage them that you won't hurt them, but be patient and don't push them.

Thanks for your reply. Im trying to get the balance right, but if I dont stay in touch then I fear she may feel I dont care, I suppose patience will be the key to this.

Today I finally got to speak with one of her alters, although only via phone. She told me that there is a depressed, and suicidal alter who they are all trying to contain, and that the alter wants to be single, and I may push her over the edge.

Obviously the only thing I can do now is back off until she gets some treatment, but I care for her so much and I dont want her to think Im just going to abandon her. She loves me too, but this alter is making things impossible, its like we are being kept apart, and it is only hurting both of us.

Am i right in leaving her for a while, or will i need to try to stay close, and make sure she is ok?

That alter believes she is protecting your girlfriend, which will make trusting you take a whole lot longer than it already would have. Backing off is a good idea right now. If any of them call you, that's fine. But don't be calling your girlfriend all the time. It will only trigger that particular alter and she will do more and more to protect.

-Leigh

Don't call like every day, but definitely make sure you check up on her time and again. She really needs to sit down with this alter and make her understand that she (your girlfriend) has every right to pursue a relationship with men because it's her body, and the alter is really just along for the ride. But it seems like they're having a hard time doing this. I hope things get better for you and your girlfriend and that they finally get through to that alter who's really acting her own fear to protect herself, not your girlfriend.

Thanks for the replies guys. I have had a message an hour ago saying she needs to look after herself, and that she needs to finish with me, as the other alters wont listen, and its making her life hell with all the conflict inside.

I feel devestated, I love her to bits and really want to help her, only last week she asked me to never give up on her. I think she is letting the other alters control what she is doing.

Sorry to hear that. She's a very weak person if she can't find the strength to fight for her own happiness.

I think it may be harsh to say she is weak, considering what she has been through. I just think it seems that I trigger her, I dont know why, I couldnt be more supportive of her.

She cant seem to bring a few of her alters round to the fact that I am not bad, and that I wont hurt them. Maybe she needs to work with them first, before she gets into a relationship. The alters refuse to talk to me, so I dont know how im supposed to prove I wont hurt them if I cant get near them.

I don't think she is necessarily weak either. I know that some of my alters are stronger than others, and it can be hard to keep control. I think the ones that don't like you have a fear of men as part of their personality. They may be very strong, protectors that think they are shielding her from a possible threat. I think it's something to work with her therapist on. She needs to convince them that she can protect herself now.