how to deal with very violent parts may trigger

i have one or more parts that just want to kill, and have tried (unsuccessfully) to kill people before. i don't know how to handle them. i'm pretty sure that they can't get control, or that i would have to be face to face with an abuser who was going to try to kill me for them to gain control. but they can have a very heavy influence on my thoughts and actions at times. i guess that's because they only feel a huge amount of hatred and anger, which are very strong feelings.

today, when i walked outside to feed my cat and found another dead mouse that she'd left, the first thought that came into my head was (along the lines of) "we should kill her" (it was very specific in how, but i am not posting that). i don't particularly like my cat, but i don't hate her that much.

about a month ago, i was already frustrated with my sister, and i was driving her and me home. i usually analyze almost everything i pass as i drive on how much damage it would do to me if i drove into it, so those thoughts were normal, but then suddenly this voice says 'just do it - kill her, that will solve our problem'.

it's scaring me, i have no one to ask, i really need some advice if anyone has some.

As long as you're just thinking it, and not actually acting on it, you're fine. Pay no mind when they suggest things like that. Don't let it upset you, just ignore these suggestions.

when i say they have unsuccessfully tried to kill people, i mean they have tried. i've watched my hands wrap around my little brother's throat once, not understanding why i was doing that. i've been trapped, watching as they tried to poison all my siblings. once i managed to get them to hurt our body instead of hurting my cousins.

when they influence my thoughts, suddenly i am full of murderous rage. it takes every bit of energy, strength and control that i have to keep my arms by my sides as i walk away from anyone who is around me.

i realised they were there yesterday. i walked out to feed my cat and found she had killed another mouse and left it on the path. suddenly i was enraged (usually i get mildly annoyed at worst when she kills animals and leaves them lying around for me). anyway, suddenly enraged, and then i hear a conversation in my head: "we should kill the cat" "yeah, we should...." and then me "no, i love my cat" and our body started moving to kill it. if it were only suggestions, then i would be ignoring them. or trying to engage in conversation and learn more about them.

Then you need to work with a shrink, one who specializes in dissociative disorders. I can't stress this enough, make SURE they specialize in dissociative disorders and not just happen to know about it from their school days or something stupid like that.

From there, you need to have them work with you in locking away the homicidal alters. Yes, you can seriously "lock away" alters, the human mind is capable of amazing things. They'll be buried so deep, there is no chance in hell of accidentally letting them out. I would know, I had an alter who referred to himself as No-Name, he's chained to the wall of the deepest basement of my mind, and nothing can even trigger him or let me hear his voice.

foreverlost wrote:when i say they have unsuccessfully tried to kill people, i mean they have tried. i've watched my hands wrap around my little brother's throat once, not understanding why i was doing that. i've been trapped, watching as they tried to poison all my siblings. once i managed to get them to hurt our body instead of hurting my cousins.

when they influence my thoughts, suddenly i am full of murderous rage. it takes every bit of energy, strength and control that i have to keep my arms by my sides as i walk away from anyone who is around me.

i realised they were there yesterday. i walked out to feed my cat and found she had killed another mouse and left it on the path. suddenly i was enraged (usually i get mildly annoyed at worst when she kills animals and leaves them lying around for me). anyway, suddenly enraged, and then i hear a conversation in my head: "we should kill the cat" "yeah, we should...." and then me "no, i love my cat" and our body started moving to kill it. if it were only suggestions, then i would be ignoring them. or trying to engage in conversation and learn more about them.

Hi, I think if you hear them and you say no, which is showing and getting control of them. I have alters in boxes in a closet that can't not be open.
So you have proof that you can control them,, and you know the cat is just doing that as a present for you, natural behavior.

Mr Bates is right, if you havent seen a doc, you really should get one and let them know what you dealing with.

I think they try to take, and pull, but you identfy them and don't give them power or control.

It is a b**ch, But make yourself think about some place else, be in the moment of today and go on. OR you lock them away someplace. This possible for sure that YOU can do this. But it takes work and willpower. You sound like you have it. You desire it. so it can and will happen. Don't be hard on yourself, you deserve the best or why not work for it?

red

thank you, i'm yet to find a t who works with DID, but i'll try. and in the meantime i'll work on trying to lock them up, hopefully some of the other alters will help with that too.

o.o wow. this post has really made me rethink my very violent urges.. maybe it iss an alter. it would definitely make sense because theyre mostly the same intensity regardless of the triggering situation. thanks for sharing this. it lessens my feelings of loneliness because i always thought it was simply a defect of MINE, that was completely unrelated to my DID.-thinks about it more- : )

Hello foreverlost

I have a couple alters who can be very violent too. One of them tends to break things when he is angry and often tries to physically hurt someone. The worst was when I was eating dinner with my dad a few years ago. He came out and got very angry at something my dad said to me. He went to a drawer in the kitchen, pulled it all the way out and first he tried to smack my dad on the head with it. This is normal for him. But then he got more angry and started holding a knife to him. Luckily he was able to calm down. What I do now is I let him know that my dad may say some mean things to me, but he loves me and he shouldn't be hurt even when he acts up. I talk to him and try to work things out.

If you know what makes your alters angry, try to talk them into other ways of letting out the anger. Instead of trying to kill someone, have them torture a pillow or something. You can even draw on the pillow to make it look like the person. That should get out the anger and hopefully the feelings of wanting to kill will go away.

Hope this helps

I found this forum while searching for info. about my violent urges. There have been times in my life when it has been extremely difficult to stop urges to hurt & punish that I don't understand. I have alot of shame about this. The urge is toward things that have less power than I & that I feel annoyed or angered by. One part of me wants the urges to stop yet the urges flare up anyway. I fear that someday I will hurt someone or myself. I also have frequent thoughts of killing myself, lots of anger & depression. There have been times that I've come close to seriously hurting one of my pets & someone else's pet. The sad thing is that I love animals & they are usually the last thing I would ever want to harm. Any thoughts? I am underemployed & have no medical insurance so don't have therapy. I used to try to intimate some of this to a therapist I once had but she seemed to dismiss what I was trying to tell her. I was in therapy off & on over a 20 year period so it appears it may have not helped the dangerous darkness inside of me. I'd appreciate any feedback I can get. Thank you for this forum.

Hello 1kitty

You know, I'd bet that more people than we know of have these violent urges. In fact, I'm sure most of us have had them at some point in life. I honestly don't see how anyone can go through their whole life without it! Think about how many people have the urges, then think about how many people actually do harm. It's not that many. I'm sure you will be able to calm those feelings and remember that you'll learn things through time and experience and eventually you will be brought out of this phase. Just keep hanging in there!