Stress = switches?

How to explain to a person without DID the consequences of overload? Am feeling somewhere between social retard and hermit when my lifestyle choices are being commented on by the new friend. He means well in encouraging me to take part a bit more and to organise more pleasurable things to share with others. The trouble is, my others are nt always that comfortable with the choices adult parts make. Whilst the negotiating part of this is always continuing , it does nt distinguish fears , worries, anxiety about being around others. When totally overwhelmed have found myself recently standing in a shop being asked by a stranger if my parents looked after me and were they around. Serioulsy was worried as to what had been said.

So, for me the time loss and consequences are very real , for others who know adult friendly sometimes confident me, unbelievable that my struggles are real or extend to every day activities which most people cope with so well.

For me, more people = more chaos and if i can take things slowly and easily my chances of not having an escapee part of me increase greatly.

Does anyone else have similar issues? Is it just being around groups of people things get hectic and anxiety making?

Jorjas gang

I think one needs to have a strategy when around others. An introduction phase, a main tactic, and escape plan. Also, an "x" factor would be good for surprises. One can use their own imagiination to come up with the parts of the formula.

Yah so true Radames,

Last nights during a board game was saying i am dislexic , when it came to reading out questions, one of my younger parts who loves board games but can nt read that well took part. No wonder i am so exhausted today! Even so, whilst it was amazing to hear how fast my reason for not being able to read big words well or to skip through questions quickly, it still seemed like an effort at times.

Otherwise, it felt good , like all of us were working together , maybe a new era is about to begin, it would be so good. Rather than hiding out feeling alone but to feel like sometime we can cope with more demanding situations.

Thank you for the tips hon, sharing here is the only way to find out how to do stuff or to try new things.

Go well Radames

hugs

Jorjas gang

There are some days you feel you want to connect with no agenda, but just for the sheer idea of connecting with a fellow being. I suppose the music I am listening to accentuates this fact. Ah, each day presents new challenges and perspectives.

So true, wanting to connect and not have to check every minute detail which may lead to a slip up and leave us fearing and feeling exposure.

My t who is good at accepting me and parts is the only time during every week there is no worries for us. Even so, it would be good to have that feeling more often and not to be feeling so depressed the rest of the time.

Thankyou for listening Radames

Jorjas gang
x

I can only really find some commonalities in this site with reading other people's stories and relating to them, commenting, and such. Also, my own is a great advantage for me because we all have been through a rough childhood and it melded us very closely together. So, I can speak frankly and openly with them.
I just want to be able to see people as family, after I get to know them and trust them, so that it could be a better kind of association with possible friendships kindling all around, instead of being resistent to close friendships with no agenda except to enjoy each other.
For example, I bet you have so many interesting stories, happenstances, that have occurred in your life that I would be amazed! Hearing about them would really make my day because they would interest me for no other reason than to enjoy you.
I want this approach with everything. Regain the sensitivity that has been stolen from me by the brutality of this society with its attempt to brainwash us to think that we are hopeless in its web. I beg to differ. I want the eyes of a child again.

Being around people can be hard, especially with DID. Although, when social alters deal with it, it's suddenly relatively easy.. except that you're not taking part then. Usually my social alter Sara is around whenever there's something 'social' going on.

But what you're writing is recognisable.. and people are especially hard when you've contradicted yourself a couple of times because they've unknowingly seen different alters.. it makes you want to shy away and people start thinking you're weird in the least.

Trying to do social events together with the most important alters usually works the best, so everyone can 'chip in' and the person you're showing sort of seems complete.. plus, if everyone is around, you can compromise in what kind of opinion of things you want to display to others.. But it's quite an utopia and often goes wrong. If you're around certain people just once or a couple of times, it's still doable to make sure you're active each and every time.. especially if they don't show up when you weren't expecting to, if you always see them because you've agreed to beforehand, so you can calculate things.. But when you see the same people often, that's often not manageable.. we go to kung fu once every two weeks, and we've contradicted ourselves millions of times, and the times I've had to say "I was lost in thought" are just not coutable.. when something or someone or a group is valuable to you, it often ends in at least having to say something about what is wrong (different is a better word).
Still, there are people around who just don't notice that much and who you can have fun with without having to worry about them thinking over how you're acting, and there are those who wonder but accept you (when you tell).. but I agree, it's not always easy to deal with other people when you're DID.

Hi Dimensional,

your point about people notices glaring inconsistencies is how this new friend is. He is always picking me up on how one day something was one way , then a total u turn the next. As i dont always remember have found it very hard to comment or get out of it very easily. Finding myself short on confidence and stammering my way through a new excuse. Made up on the spot ones are still very hard for me. It s not like lying but feels like that, especially when you know they most likely remember what you said well.

So, the weekly meeting with my other friend has actually been fine as you say, it is always the same time and day, so can prepare a bit and make sure who is out for being with her remains the same. Although more recently that has been very hard for me and she has spotted my inconsistencies too. Sadly intelligent , quick minded people , i fear, may see it as a sign of being fickle, not knowing that for each part a different reality about something exists.

Anyhow, today at this time am dissociating very badly, it is hard to explain , other than, am not here as myself but one of my parts is here, she is trying to find something to ground us all, as there is a build up of stress and anxiety going on. Tears keep trying to edge their way forward but part of me is scared of letting go at the moment.

thank you both for your help and support. These issues are so important to all of us. After all daily life is about people if you can let it be so, sadly for us DID depression and loneliness seem to rule the roost these days.

take care

love

julia

I am just getting to a point where I feel I can be social again, but even now, I don't want to be around a lot of people for a long time, and parties (you know those wild college frat house parties...) are still out of the question for us.
But I have found that going out with friends and family can be quite enjoyable and the little ones are starting to enjoy themselves too. We usually have a plan before going out. Everyone knows where we are going, how to get there and back, if the activity is for littles or bigs and who can come out and who needs to watch. How much money we can spend, the numbers we can call in case something happens, where our medicine is (anxiety pills, inhaler, and essential oils). Although it seems like a lot, it gets to be routine and it now only takes us a few extra minutes to get ready, but it relieves a lot of pressure and helps to avoid those embarrassing and potentially dangerous switches.
I hope this helps,
Amber

Thank you Amber for sharing, how much your routines sound like mine! My bag is full of what everyone needs, including , meds, inhalers for astma sufferer, music for teenager, soft drink today i found keeps littlie happy and hankies of hay fever sufferer. Even then it still does nt take much for a switch to occur without my knowledge, do you know what i mean by that? At its worst, have had to traslate into english when someone asked me a question about directions, firstly getting back in touch with the part of me which does live in this town. Now i know stress is such an inducer of changes fear seems to rule how i live. Terrified of scaring others i guess, for me it is becoming less scary but still have my moments and at the mo, the new friend is causing much upset in the house. Inspite of his well intentioned helpful suggestions.

Guess the only way to keep going is to do just that but am feeling a bit beaten at the moment. Talking with t and getting at other partswhen feeling traumatised by feelings is so hard. Its like part of me wants to shut down and ignore my other parts, pushing him far away from my internal life. Like its my secret and he does nt really know.

Its feeling confusing again.

Sorry to digress so much, just seems to have come out again!!

keep well

jorjas gang