Help creating a contract for my system

by **WatertheFire** » Wed Mar 20, 2024 7:13 pm

I've learned creating a contract is somewhat common practice. We are looking to get on the same page and grow. Because we are without names, ages, or genders we see who agrees with or understands what the rules/expectations are as a way of feeling familiar with each other. I'd like to hear from others who have created a contract for their systems! What type of stuff did you include?

I've heard of systems coming up with rules that they all agree on, but I've never heard of creating a contract. I guess that's basically the same thing though. I think people usually recommend starting with what your common values are and developing rules that follow from those.

I see from your other posts that you've said that you're the only one who ever fronts and has control, so I'm a little confused about why you would need something like rules or a contract, since those are generally focused on behavior.

We don't have any formal rules, but we're working on being kind to each other, and trying to take care of each other's needs, even if that involves doing something that's boring or tedious to some of us. Kindness, balance, moderation, appreciating the present as much as possible--those are some of our values, so we try to adjust our behavior to meet those.

by **ArbreMonde** » Thu Mar 21, 2024 7:18 am

Same as Gang. From my POV, the inner rules / guidelines are needed when there are difficult behaviors that might arise, as a reminder of what is acceptable and what is not.

But you can also need to have a set of life guidelines "for yourself" in order to keep a general view of what you want your life to be and that's ok too. Like the Gang said, a good place to start is what your values and needs are and build from here.

Examples for me wrote:- keeping a regular sleep schedule
- naps when needed!
- at least 3 fresh fruits a day for fibers and vitamins
- having a walk at least once every 2 days for mental and physical health
- paying attention to sensory and social overloads, managing them asap
- if I want to be agressive towards someone, take a few deep breaths and check inside to see what the percieved danger is and how to manage it without being agressive (assertively saying no, excusing myself out of the interaction, politely calling the person out on their bullshirt...)
- if I'm angry at the world I need a nap; if I'm angry at myself I also need a nap
- reparation is better than revenge
- if I'm acting like or feel like acting like the guy from "Notes from the underground" by Dostoievsky, I need an emergency therapy app, a glass of water and a nap (this character is a serious case of borderline in a bad bad crisis state, please give the guy a hug, a slap and a therapist)
- in doubt, nap
- never cast stitches (for knitting) after 9 PM
- naps are life

Sometimes it does not need to be complicated, it just needs to be a reminder on how to have a balanced life according to your specific and personal needs. And it's important to remember to adjust the list with time, as you see some of your needs evolve and change.

by **spinningtops** » Fri Mar 29, 2024 3:23 am

yeah my system goes by a lot of rules, but it also is really weird. it is like the system gets to a place where something needs to change and then i ask if everyone will be on board with changing such and such way and then everyone does and then i will forget i made this rule, but its just it will all be different after that.

Help creating a contract for my system

Help creating a contract for my system

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