Is this dissociation? Do I suffer from DID?

I would like to share my experience. Any help will be appreciated.

Since my early childhood, I tended to daydream a lot. I mean, I used to daydream all day every day. At 13, I started suffering from PTSD, and at 14 this disorder turned into OCD. At 15, I started suffering from depression too, till 19. All of these things disapperead, but when I was 23, I started to struggle with extreme mood swings, persisten suicidal thoughts, extreme stress and anger outbursts that where so vivid that I could not handle them. Gradually, I started to behave like many different humans when I felt high, and many different humans when I felt blue. I can say that I felt as if I had many frequences that changed rapidly. So, I beggun to search what I might suffer from and I leanred about DID. Some hours later, I realised I could not hear my own voice when talking with myself and then I realised I could not communicate with the voices. I ought to make clear that the voices expressed my own thoughts and feelings.

So, I visited a psychologist one year after the onset of this problem, and gradually the voices or the frequences turned into personalities or to say it better, people that lived in me and interacted with my family and friends.They had their own name, appearance and so on. I experienced black outs and memory gaps too. But they usually lasted some minutes. After six months, I decided to go to a psychiatrist. My doctor said I suffer from psychosis, and I was prescirebed antipsychotics that could be used as mood stabilizers too.

After some yeras ,the voices/frequences/people that lived in me appeared only during extreme stress. So, after one more year, they disappeared completely.

But during the last week, I started feeling again like a man for several hours per day (I am a woman and bisexual) and I change my voice too. So, I wonder. Is this dissociation? Why do I feel like this ? Am I sick? Please, help me. I dont know what is going on!

waspmass wrote:Since my early childhood, I tended to daydream a lot. I mean, I used to daydream all day every day.

Maladaptive daydreaming is not a sign of dissociation in itself.

waspmass wrote:At 13, I started suffering from PTSD, and at 14 this disorder turned into OCD. At 15, I started suffering from depression too, till 19. All of these things disapperead, but when I was 23, I started to struggle with extreme mood swings, persisten suicidal thoughts, extreme stress and anger outbursts that where so vivid that I could not handle them.

They are comorbidities of dissociation but can exist without dissociation.

waspmass wrote:Gradually, I started to behave like many different humans when I felt high, and many different humans when I felt blue. I can say that I felt as if I had many frequences that changed rapidly.

THIS sounds like dissociative symptoms.

waspmass wrote:Some hours later, I realised I could not hear my own voice when talking with myself and then I realised I could not communicate with the voices. I ought to make clear that the voices expressed my own thoughts and feelings.

Not all dissociated people hear voices but hearing and communicating with them is a dissociative symptom. But it can be other things to it's always good to check the other symptoms too.

waspmass wrote:So, I visited a psychologist one year after the onset of this problem, and gradually the voices or the frequences turned into personalities or to say it better, people that lived in me and interacted with my family and friends.They had their own name, appearance and so on. I experienced black outs and memory gaps too. But they usually lasted some minutes.

This would be consistent with dissociative symptoms but it might also be something else (I am not well versed in differential diagnosis). Did the doc who prescribed you meds, make you go through a full differential diagnosis or did they just go "Voices = meds" ? Because you NEED to go through a proper diagnosis screening in order to check if it's dissociation or something else. Giving anti psychotics to a dissociated person can cause lots of issues.

waspmass wrote:After some yeras ,the voices/frequences/people that lived in me appeared only during extreme stress. So, after one more year, they disappeared completely.

This could be consistent with dissociation.

waspmass wrote:But during the last week, I started feeling again like a man for several hours per day (I am a woman and bisexual) and I change my voice too.

All in all, the symptoms you explain are consistent with dissociation (from what I know). But you cannot be diagnosed online on a forum! You need to ask for a proper diagnosis or differential diagnosis.

In the meantime, there are things you can try by yourself such as grounding when stressed, cognitive and behavioral exercises to manage stress and trauma and strong emotions, or trying to communicate with the different parts of you and see what happens. Of course, if it makes you feel worse, stop doing it and seek a therapist about it. Some other health issues, when piled up together, can cause symptoms similar to DID and the treatment is different. Ths is why a differential diagnosis is needed before giving meds or anything. Some exercices are good for about anyone (grounding, managing emotions, getting one's everyday life organized, putting all your ducks in a row...) but others should not be done without making sure first that they are the right treatment or tool for you. Procede with caution and if you can get a proper differential diagnosis, this will be helpful.

Another thing you can try in order to better decide what course of action to take, is to have a look at the DES (dissociative experiences scale) for self assessment. It is NOT a diagnosis tool but an assessment tool. If you score high on the DES, grounding exercises will be a good idea. You can also bring your detailed results to a therapist and see what they suggest to do based upon that (what other diagnosis tools to use etc.)

Good luck on your quest! And congratulations for reaching out, it's never easy, you did the first step, you are the best, keep going, yay!

I agree with ArbreMonde. What you describe is coherent with DID, but also with dissociation comorbid with other disorders - having dissociated parts can happen in a lot of disorders. Those parts aren't dissociated enough to be DID alters, but can totally feel like different people to the person who experience them.

So yep, searching for a differential diagnosis made by someone trained into DID diagnosis would be a good idea !