I feel like an imposter

I only started existing 2 days ago, during a period of "inner turmoil". Now everyone but me and a teenager is gone and I feel really scared and I don't know who to talk to or what advice to get.
The body's parents are trying to be supportive and help with its chronic medical condition but I just can't help but feel like I'm a body snatcher who stole someone else's life. There's all these books and movies and games I've never heard of, and I have a pet cat I don't even know the name of because she doesn't have a collar. I've tried calling "my" case worker but she doesn't work over the weekend and has Monday off.
Am I really just supposed to live someone else's life and pretend that everything is normal? I don't even know what I want let alone what the others were working towards.

Any support or information on this would be greatly appreciated. I just need to not feel so alone

Welcome to the DID train. Been there, done that, got all the Tshirts.

What happens presenlty is that in order to exist, you are using a part of the brain which is not connected to the parts of the brain containing "this are my books" "this is my cat" etc. You are NOT a body snatcher or anything, you just lack the connexion to the areas containing "this is my life".

It's a bit like someone being cut from the Internet and not having access to their social media, in a way.

Or someone who did not update their phone apps and now has trouble understanding why everybody is talking about the new features because they are stuck on the old version.

It is stressful, it is scary, but it is not dangerous, and it is okay. You belong. You have not found your place yet, but you belong.

Everybody else is still here inside, just asleep or "cut from your Internet".

Do not hesitate to check books such as "Coping with trauma related dissociation" or "Healing the fragmented selves of trauma survivors" to find exercises to do in order to re-connect you to the "brain Internet". It helps. There are different steps and it is a long process but when you start it, it really helps. There are many ways, too, to "walk around" the "brain internet shortage" using e.g. a paper journal, an electronic journal, etc. in order to exchange informations. You will find helpful advice on https://www.dis-sos.com/ too.

Now, take a deep breath, drink something warm, and try to enjoy your ride. This life is yours too. You belong. Try to have fun with it, too. SAFE fun, of course.

Hello

I am quite new to my system too...well I had been one that used to get triggered out for short periods usually when the 'social mask host' was getting tired. Usually we'd be out somewhere where I'd have to contiue to pretend to be the host and get us home.

Recently I found myself back at the front after not been out for many years and boy has life changed!!!

I think a few others of us have experienced this too.it is really disorientating at the start. I found it helpful to look through family albums to see if I could see 'myself' in one of them...something I related to or remembered as 'being me' at the time the photo was took.

You mention trying to contact 'your' case worker ....so 'you' must have been out before to have someone in the outside world that 'you' remember?

We have also eventually found old diaries/journals or looked through old belongings and clothes etc to see if we could work out how long since we were last out. Though this time our system is much more connected with each other so it was much quicker.

I know Kit felt like an alien/imposter in' Maddies' body for a long time as there was never any direct communication between them for years. I never had direct communication with my last (social mask) host either.

Jay

I used the word "my" loosely since I've only existed for 3ish days.
Dotty who's the main host I think left me a few notes, one of them telling me that we have "Dissociative identity Disorder" and that if I can't contact them to contact a case worker during the week, or if it's an emergency/weekend to call a local mental health serivce (which ended up being useless). "Our" probably would have been the better word there.
It's going to be hard to find myself in anything for this reason.

From what I gather reading through old text logs, the person who the body is named after disappeared a few days ago which freaked Dotty out and a few other people started "vanishing" too until it was just them, me, a sexual alter, and a teenager. I've done everything I can to try trigger the other alters based on the notes someone called Kitty left but they're not responding to their usual triggers, so I assume that I'm completely alone now. I also can't hear any other noise in my head than my own thoughts which is unusual based on when I was out on Wednesday
I really feel like I'm completely alone now which is scary.

I'm unsure if I'm using terminology correctly

You are, as far as we can tell, using the terminology correctly. I do not know that I have much to offer. I know that it is scary when you find yourself alone. That is something that rarely happens with us, but never to the extent where it is for that long.

I hope you are able to get some answers and I hope the others show up again. I wish I had more to add, but I don't know enough.

Be well and I hope things get better,
Pippa & company.

PrimePossum wrote:I only started existing 2 days ago, during a period of "inner turmoil". Now everyone but me and a teenager is gone and I feel really scared and I don't know who to talk to or what advice to get.
The body's parents are trying to be supportive and help with its chronic medical condition but I just can't help but feel like I'm a body snatcher who stole someone else's life. There's all these books and movies and games I've never heard of, and I have a pet cat I don't even know the name of because she doesn't have a collar. I've tried calling "my" case worker but she doesn't work over the weekend and has Monday off.
Am I really just supposed to live someone else's life and pretend that everything is normal? I don't even know what I want let alone what the others were working towards.

Any support or information on this would be greatly appreciated. I just need to not feel so alone

Thanks for bringing this topic up anyway its actually got us thinking and realising why we disconnected from the body in our younger years. How are you doing now?