Is therapy necessary?

As I'm a psychologist student, have a relatively secure environment, and a few secure relationships, to me, therapy is a way to check what I'm doing with myself, be sure I do things the right way, and to speed up the healing process. All the progress I've made those last two years, I could have made them on my own, but who knows how much time it would have taken me? Without the guidance and secure relationship with my T, it might have taken four, five, eight years instead of just two.

We don't work on the fact we're multiple. We work on PTSD symptoms : flashbacks, anxiety, depression, managing crisis, etc. We also work on finding ways to manage my ADHD symptoms. She's not specialized in ADHD, I'm her first adult patient with this diagnosis, but she has interesting ideas for emotional regulation.

Aside of that, I know people who can't afford (for financial, traumatic or family reasons, or because they don't have any specialist in their area) to find a T and are doing well by themselves. They educate themselves a lot, make sure their environment is secure, etc. Not having a T might slow down the healing process for some of them, but they still manage to make progress!

I second the advice of ArbreMonde : "Coping with trauma related dissociation" is a very good start. You can find it online if you search a bit. You might want to check ArbreMonde's resources thread

TheTriForce wrote:

Doily wrote:Hi and thanks for the replies.

Yeah I (depending on the part/identity, they have different symptoms of course) definitely have depression and anxiety and dissociation and severe attachment issues and pretty severe paranoia and other psychotic symptoms sometimes as well. .

Wow..you've just basically described me (Kit) in a nutshell!..had to double check to make sure it wasn't me that wrote it!

I have a 'social front' alter who people seem to prefer more, she does have better social skills than me even though we both know much of the same stuff, thought I have skills she doesn't have too. Either one of us can manage a very basic day at home. We both have different 'other alters' who we feel most comfortable with and choose to relax with...though we can work together if needed, we very rarely choose to as we're like chalk and cheese!

We do respect each other's differences and views now though and it often helps if we have a simple shared goal to work on..like currently doing physiotherapy.

Do you have any alters with more social skill that can help you 'pass as normal' when you have to interact with the world? If you feel that's enough for you then you maybe happy as you are...if not you might want to see if you can communicate with your 'others' and find out what they all want and could do that might help?

If the vast majority of your system don't want to go to talk to some therapist and tells you they won't 'appear on cue' or something for some stranger to diagnose you then you're not going to get far and it will have have been a waste of money even if you could afford it?

Keeping a private journal may help (on your own PC or on here) for others to come out and join in when they feel safer Helps you spot 'new ones' when you read stuff back and think 'hang on I didn't write that!' ..particularly if you don't all have your own names cos every one just answers to the bodies name when they appear.

Kit

I'm not sure but I think I have many social fronts depending on what I'm doing or who I'm talking to.

But maybe when I go out the door and just be by myself (haha) my front is someone very angry, cold, detached, calculating etc, as if I'm in danger as soon as I leave my apartment? Well basically he (I think it's a he) is one of my main identities probably. Nobody likes him or the parts that he/me/ allows others to see at least.

So I guess my actual social fronts are someone very meek, nice and mild, then someone who makes jokes and is hyper, and also someone task focused and rational and has no fun ever. But no one likes those either in the sense that others would like to hang out with them. But they at least appear normal, albeit very boring probably.

Most of the time I'm super bored anyway, and find little to no joy in anything. I don't think I have many identities who enjoy much of anything, I think I've lived inside my head most of my life since I stopped 'being a child' at about 10 years old. Before that I was always happy for no reason.

Also I'd say I have no completely secure relationships at the moment, and it's really hard to form any kind of relationships when the options are the angry sociopath or the annoying stupid jokes telling hyper one or the boring sisters of eternal boredom.

Doily wrote:
I'm not sure but I think I have many social fronts depending on what I'm doing or who I'm talking to.

But maybe when I go out the door and just be by myself (haha) my front is someone very angry, cold, detached, calculating etc, as if I'm in danger as soon as I leave my apartment? Well basically he (I think it's a he) is one of my main identities probably. Nobody likes him or the parts that he/me/ allows others to see at least.

So I guess my actual social fronts are someone very meek, nice and mild, then someone who makes jokes and is hyper, and also someone task focused and rational and has no fun ever. But no one likes those either in the sense that others would like to hang out with them. But they at least appear normal, albeit very boring probably.

Most of the time I'm super bored anyway, and find little to no joy in anything. I don't think I have many identities who enjoy much of anything, I think I've lived inside my head most of my life since I stopped 'being a child' at about 10 years old. Before that I was always happy for no reason.

Maybe that one you feel is cold, angry etc is a protector or persecutor alter? If that would be the one any therapist would meet first how far do you think they would get trying to meet the others?

Have any of you tried blending? I (Kit) can be very hypervigilant but if I blend with someone more calmer and laid back it kind of 'takes the edge of' that eg blending your jokey, hyper one with your more rational one may make you feel more laid back but still able to be logical and focused enough to get stuff done?

We have used video games as almost a type of therapy and looking back over games chosen and played ,characters created etc we can see who likes what, guess roughly what era they have come from, discovered new ones and watch others develop by the way their game styles and choices have changed. Our system has changed alot since I first came on here to look up Maladaptive Daydreaming, must be about 5 years ago now?

Doily wrote:I'm not sure but I think I have many social fronts depending on what I'm doing or who I'm talking to.

That's not uncommon, and may be very common for someone who has both autism and DID. My system has three social fronts and a couple who can front and be social without a great deal of issue.

Doily wrote:But maybe when I go out the door and just be by myself (haha) my front is someone very angry, cold, detached, calculating etc, as if I'm in danger as soon as I leave my apartment? Well basically he (I think it's a he) is one of my main identities probably. Nobody likes him or the parts that he/me/ allows others to see at least.

This sounds like someone trying to protect the system from physical harm by being hyper--vigilant and keeping an eye on everything around them. We have an alter who is hyper-vigilant because she's trying to make sure that the body doesn't come to harm from the outside. She tends to co-front with Vi whenever there is shopping to do.

Doily wrote:So I guess my actual social fronts are someone very meek, nice and mild, then someone who makes jokes and is hyper, and also someone task focused and rational and has no fun ever. But no one likes those either in the sense that others would like to hang out with them. But they at least appear normal, albeit very boring probably.

You might be surprised by the number of social groups we've found ourselves in that accept one or the other of our social alters. We've been incredibly lucky to find a group through Xbox who knows about the DID and talks to the various social alters, but even they often think that it's amazing people want to hang out with them. Sometimes it just takes finding the right social group, and I know that's easier to say than to do.

Doily wrote: Most of the time I'm super bored anyway, and find little to no joy in anything. I don't think I have many identities who enjoy much of anything, I think I've lived inside my head most of my life since I stopped 'being a child' at about 10 years old. Before that I was always happy for no reason.

That sounds like dysphoria more than boredom. There may be trauma related to why you feel this way now. And we understand about 'living inside your own head' as we've done that most of our life too. It was part of the way to cope with the traumas we experienced. When our host at the time couldn't cope, she often retreated into her own world. In fact, our inner world is built upon those early days of hiding away. She created her own places to hide and survive and all of us did what we could to help.

This is going to be difficult, but there is time to work things out. Take time and care.

Octavia Theta.

ViTheta wrote:This sounds like someone trying to protect the system from physical harm by being hyper--vigilant and keeping an eye on everything around them. We have an alter who is hyper-vigilant because she's trying to make sure that the body doesn't come to harm from the outside. She tends to co-front with Vi whenever there is shopping to do.

Doily wrote:So I guess my actual social fronts are someone very meek, nice and mild, then someone who makes jokes and is hyper, and also someone task focused and rational and has no fun ever. But no one likes those either in the sense that others would like to hang out with them. But they at least appear normal, albeit very boring probably.

You might be surprised by the number of social groups we've found ourselves in that accept one or the other of our social alters. We've been incredibly lucky to find a group through Xbox who knows about the DID and talks to the various social alters, but even they often think that it's amazing people want to hang out with them. Sometimes it just takes finding the right social group, and I know that's easier to say than to do.

Doily wrote: Most of the time I'm super bored anyway, and find little to no joy in anything. I don't think I have many identities who enjoy much of anything, I think I've lived inside my head most of my life since I stopped 'being a child' at about 10 years old. Before that I was always happy for no reason.

That sounds like dysphoria more than boredom. There may be trauma related to why you feel this way now. And we understand about 'living inside your own head' as we've done that most of our life too. It was part of the way to cope with the traumas we experienced. When our host at the time couldn't cope, she often retreated into her own world. In fact, our inner world is built upon those early days of hiding away. She created her own places to hide and survive and all of us did what we could to help.

This is going to be difficult, but there is time to work things out. Take time and care.

Octavia Theta.

Thanks for the reply! Sorry can't properly quote yet.

You're probably right about the protector alter.

What is the difference between boredom and dysphoria? I guess it's not necessarily boredom as it feels so extreme that I simply feel dead and like there's nothing I can do to escape the mind dulling blankness, silence and nothingness. Accompanied by sort of taunting voices saying "you're nothing, that's why you feel nothing". Like they're (don't know who) laughing at my loneliness.

Also, it doesn't help that I really do find most people to be aggressively boring. I can understand their points of views etc but it's like everyone has the same exact copy paste personalities that once you've seen one you've seen them all. And when I find someone I think is interesting I shy away from them because I'm afraid they'll laugh at me. Or taunt me. Had that happen all through my childhood, youth and twenties. So maybe that's who "they" are in my head..

And also I just often feel too ugly to do anything, which sounds insane as ugliness doesn't prevent one from doing stuff so I don't know what that's really about.

Doily wrote:What is the difference between boredom and dysphoria? I guess it's not necessarily boredom as it feels so extreme that I simply feel dead and like there's nothing I can do to escape the mind dulling blankness, silence and nothingness. Accompanied by sort of taunting voices saying "you're nothing, that's why you feel nothing". Like they're (don't know who) laughing at my loneliness.

What you describe here is, IMO, more like depression and the actions of maladapted protectors. Meaning, parts/alters trying to protect you from despairing at your emptyness, by trying to make it appear "normal" that you are empty. And trying to protect you from the hurt of failing at finding solutions, by keeping you from looking for solutions. This is one of the many things that the book "Coping with trauma related dissociation" helped me manage. Also, a therapist can help you manage the depressive / empty feelings through a mix of medication and cognitive and behavioral therapy, among other things. A therapist specialized in DID could also help your protectors to learn more gentle and adapted ways of protecting you.

Doily wrote:Also, it doesn't help that I really do find most people to be aggressively boring. I can understand their points of views etc but it's like everyone has the same exact copy paste personalities that once you've seen one you've seen them all.

It sounds like what I experience when I try to interact with non-autistic people. I "click" better with autistic and/or ADHD people. As an example, yesterday I had my first instance of medically-approved housekeeping, and the person who came this time was so autistic and ADHD that I knew after 3 minutes of talking with him. We chatted while cleaning and it was so intellectually stimulating that I was hyped up for the rest of the day. He made interesting parallels between thermic entropy and the limited ressources of our planet, learning from intellectual mistakes and evolution creating new solutions through DNA replication mistakes, and so on. I do not have this kind of conversations with non-autistic people.

Doily wrote: And when I find someone I think is interesting I shy away from them because I'm afraid they'll laugh at me. Or taunt me. Had that happen all through my childhood, youth and twenties. So maybe that's who "they" are in my head.

The ones in your head can be trying to protect you from this happening again. But they do it by hurting you again. Oopsie.

What you describe is some attachment issue so, having a look at attachment theories might help you better understand what is going on. Here again, a therapist can help you heal from these past wounds and develop the ability to form safe social bonds with people. Learning who to trust who not to trust, how much to trust, how to protect yourself without isolating yourself, and so on. The first step of this being, learning how to trust completely your therapist. It takes time but it is worth it. (Also works if you have a close and patient friend - I started healing my own attachment issues with my present boyfriend, it was a heck of a ride for both of us but it was worth it in the end.)

Doily wrote:And also I just often feel too ugly to do anything, which sounds insane as ugliness doesn't prevent one from doing stuff so I don't know what that's really about.

THIS sounds like dysphoria. And also, the "shame and friends" that often come with trauma. You will find the theory and explanations of how it works in "Healing the fragmented selves of trauma survivors" as well as exercises to learn how to cope in "Coping with trauma related dissociation". A trauma therapist can also help you manage and heal.

One use of the term 'dysphoria' is a 'deep depression', which can include some very dark and sinister thinking. It can also be used to mean an utter numbness beyond the usual depression. This is apparently not inline with the DSM, however.

Sorry for the confusion on terminology.

Your (plural) replies really help me understand how complicated my issues are, I mean yeah it's not "just" identities obviously....

How would you explain my current issue of not being able to be alone, meaning when I'm alone for more than a day or two all the depression and psychosis symptoms get worse and basically I sort of just freeze, feeling very zombie like. I guess "I" feel so unsafe alone? Is this some other identity talking or am I getting psychotic?

And actually nowadays I feel very unsafe and anxious around every other person besides my parents. So I've sort of moved back home because of this..and don't go anywhere much, because when I do I get agitated and nervous and feel like everyone is staring at me with their cold dead eyes.

Only a trained therapist can help you sort out what symptoms are dissociative and which ones could be organic psychosis. (Some dissociative symptoms can be psychosis-like so it really needs some specialized training to sort this out.) But the fact that they appear when stressed out and also while feeling "like a zombie" (derpersonnalized, dissociated...) might point towards a dissociative episode. (Remember it is only an educated guess, I am not a therapist and nobody can diagnose you on a forum!) Being alone might be super stressful for you to the point that you really enter survival mode and all your parts (alters) start freaking out inside.

This is also something that a therapist specialized in trauma can help you deal with.