What exactly is a blackout?

What even exactly is a blackout? Is it really experienced as overtly as genuinely feeling like you've teleported? Is it like you pass out and then wake up a few minutes somewhere, as if you were under anesthesia (I don't know if I spelled that right)?
Each time I've searched up how other people with DID experience blackouts, I strongly relate, but to me, they aren't blackouts. Actually I can't remember any examples off the top of my head... I guess I'll just talk about my memory problems.

I have standard memory problems caused by ADHD - I forget food in my microwave or forget things that were set just beside me but because it wasn't in my peripheral I forgot about them. I experience a lot of generic stuff like that.
But other times; I struggle to remember just.. Anything!, even if it was just what I was doing this morning - what I ate, what I did when I woke up, what I've been doing the past few hours, whether or not I took my medication (I had to ask my boyfriend to buy me one of those pill cases for each day and different times). I'm probably exaggerating a bit, but I really do have to think for a while to remember things. Not, like. Hours, but a good couple of minutes to really remember my day chronologically. But even then, when I look back at what I've been doing, it genuinely feels as if there's gaps where I feel like I was asleep. Like I look back at certain times of my day and some parts that I can't remember, it feels like I was asleep at those points. Even though I know for a fact I didn't take a nap or anything today.

think of it like if you undergo a procedure and have anesthesia. one minute you are awake and in one place, the next you are awake in a different place (not always) with no sense of time having passed.

blackouts are also related to time loss. they can exist together or separate, in my experience anyway. i mostly experience disrupted time and losing details of things while dissociated hours and days after. i only remember once in recent years having a blackout related to dissociation. i do not know if it was related to DID itself or dissociation in general because it doesn't only happen in DID apparently. it was a very strange experience though. i have had a blackout from extreme anxiety/panic, but only for a few seconds.

many things can cause time disruption.

I'll back up Purplesky about the anestesia thing. The very, very few times I remember like that. The most recent was when I started to panic while driving. I drove passed a particular spot and started to panic. Next thing I knew, I was at my destination. It was like the two times I've had surgery. One moment I was going under and the next I was awake.

As for memory issues, I have those constantly, but largely because of distraction, possible ADHD, and autism.

I rarely remember if I have a blackout, but I often remember "coming to". As in, (a switch has happened and) you suddenly find yourself in a strange situation. I often have no idea where I am, what just happened, what we talked about, etc.

In daily life I often notice small tidbits "missing time", but I honestly think nothing of it. I think it's normal to sometimes miss bits based on attention/tiredness/road hypnosis/high emotionality.

Not sure if this is helpful in any way, but of course I hope that it is...

Based on my experience and the one of people in the same situation, the association of dissociation with ADHD causes a LOT of micro-amnesia throughout the day - much more than in ADHD alone.

"Blackouts" often feel for me that I am "landing" into the reality and have to go Sherlock Holmes on my environment to understand what is going on, where I am, why... The more I integrate the less time it takes me to gather my wits and connect to the memory of what just happened right now. This is why I think I might no longer fit in a DID diagnosis and maybe fit better in a partial-DID / OSDD diagnosis, but I digress.

Another word for "blackout" is "inter-alter amnesia" meaning that some alters have a lot of amnesia of what others alter do when they front. (It is normal to have amnesia on what others do inside of the Innerworld since not everybody has a rich Innerworld life, but everybody is supposed to have a 24/7 fronting life.)

What you consider as a blackout (OP) is what we use to experience when we had the front hosts that were not previously 'insiders' and had no connection or knowledge of the 'inner world'. ..in that another alter would find themself up front and have to work out where they were and what has happening, they would usually manage to get us back to bed/home (wherever we lived or was staying at the time) and the host would awake the next day up front with no memory of what happened after the point of takeover or how they got home. We got diagnosed with temporal lobe partial seizures and was put on epilepsy medication at the time.

Now I am fronting (Yuna-lee) who was previously an 'insider' I don't experience that 'blackout experience' even though we are no longer on those medication. Others fronting who were also insiders (and knew about the others) don't get it either.

Maybe it's connected to who fronts and whether they know they are part of a system or not?

YL

TheTriForce wrote:Maybe it's connected to who fronts and whether they know they are part of a system or not?

In medical/technical terms, it translates to (if I am not mistaken): it depends how much the alter is integrated with the rest of the system and how much the alter is anchored into the "here and now".

That could explain why some in our system are easier to co-front with than others. Vi, Angel, myself, and even Lilith and Lily are easier to switch between without disruption or issue, but when we switch with our fae others, it's harder. I end up feeling like I'm being shoved aside and their way of thinking is so different than ours.

Pippa.