the DID experience

starting this topic mostly for me to ramble about some of my experiences with DID.

for one, we've started getting parts to write down introductions in their journals, and one of them did it very half-assed, lol. he essentially put down his name, age, gender/pronouns, sexuality, and then for the about me section said, "im lazy im not writing all that. you'll figure it out." then, on another part of the page, he'd written, "NOT doing this, im tired", drew a sketch of himself, and dipped. dude, we're supposed to "figure it out" with you writing down stuff about yourself in your intro, that's the point of an intro it's kind of funny to me, though. i'm sure we'll get him to do it properly eventually.

another thing we found out is that we have a part who split some time in 2019, but rarely fronted for very long, and basically stopped fronting at all around 2020. turns out, he's in the inner world, running a building in the empty mid-point of two cities, where many alters go in and out, and they talk to him. he is disinterested in what they have to say, but he listens anyways, and sometimes they're nice, sometimes they're mean, sometimes they say nothing at all. we think he's some kind of archivist, detached from the events being told to him, but completely aware of them and documenting them somewhat.

DID is a weird disorder.

I agree, DID is weird. But it makes it interesting, doesn't it?

Some alters do not have very elaborate identities because they do not have a lot of experience.

Some alters do have the role of being here to watch over everything that happens in order to remember everything in the correct chronological order.

Every system has the alters needed for its own survival. You'll figure things out, step by step.

ArbreMonde wrote:I agree, DID is weird. But it makes it interesting, doesn't it?

Some alters do not have very elaborate identities because they do not have a lot of experience.

i'm not sure if that's the case with that alter that left the lazy intro. i think he is a fragment, but i don't really know what's up with him yet. we'll have to find out.

Some alters do have the role of being here to watch over everything that happens in order to remember everything in the correct chronological order.

Every system has the alters needed for its own survival. You'll figure things out, step by step.

my biggest question is wondering why he does what he does. i can't think of a subconscious reason that, at the times the events that caused him to split happened, we would've needed an alter to document things. but i may be overthinking it somewhat, just because i like to figure out subconscious reasons that specific alters split. i'm sure we'll figure things out eventually, though, yeah.

Sometimes you need to heal from something before you are able to face the reasons an alter exists. Happened to me a few times.

As an example: if an alter contains [trauma] because no other alter is able to even think about [trauma], sometimes you need to heal from [trauma] before you are able to realize / know / face the fact that the alter split because of [trauma].

(You can replace [trauma] with about anything really, even very mundane events can be difficult to face because of reasons.)

ArbreMonde wrote:Sometimes you need to heal from something before you are able to face the reasons an alter exists. Happened to me a few times.

As an example: if an alter contains [trauma] because no other alter is able to even think about [trauma], sometimes you need to heal from [trauma] before you are able to realize / know / face the fact that the alter split because of [trauma].

(You can replace [trauma] with about anything really, even very mundane events can be difficult to face because of reasons.)

i think that at times i probably overthink it, and overestimate my ability to remember past events, because we have at least two parts who split directly during that time, roughly in 2019-2020, where things were pretty rough, and one of them believes themselves to be a trauma holder, which tracks.

there probably is something to face there.

the DID experience i've been having for a while now is *constantly* questioning the collective (user)name(s) we use. do we "sound" like a [disasterjoy]? do we "feel" like a [disasterjoy]? how do we know that's the right (user)name for us, collectively?

oh, the constant crisis of identity. i know it's common in DID, but that doesn't change things very much.

yes, hello, my name is disasterjoy and i'm slamming my head against the wall because i'm experiencing symptoms of the disorder i have.

Sometimes a username is just that: a username. You do not need to collectively identify with the username as long as you all agree that it's the name of the account you use and recognize it as your own account.

A rose by any other name...

We are having issues with our username too For us it was that it was created by one who didn't know they were others when they joined. Yuna did the same when she temporarily forgot (due to bloodclot/stroke) that we were already here under another name when she was stuck out front and she couldn't see or communicate with the rest of us.

I found a past journal on an old laptop I finally managed to get working and it seems this also happened to us several years ago with social media accounts. The front at the time had a breakdown after our dear old dog died who was very much part of her online identity, we dissociated from that identity completely and that social front persona disappeared. This seems to be a repeating cycle for us and we've changed the legal name in real life too twice. I never thought of that as being part of the DID though!

KitMcDaydream wrote:We are having issues with our username too For us it was that it was created by one who didn't know they were others when they joined. Yuna did the same when she temporarily forgot (due to bloodclot/stroke) that we were already here under another name when she was stuck out front and she couldn't see or communicate with the rest of us.

I found a past journal on an old laptop I finally managed to get working and it seems this also happened to us several years ago with social media accounts. The front at the time had a breakdown after our dear old dog died who was very much part of her online identity, we dissociated from that identity completely and that social front persona disappeared. This seems to be a repeating cycle for us and we've changed the legal name in real life too twice. I never thought of that as being part of the DID though!

it is for me, personally. we've gone through a lot of identity changes over the years for a variety of reasons, including being trans and young and trying to figure out who we are, however DID, as i can see now, definitely played a huge role in how we've grown and changed over the years.

I love the idea of journaling to get to know the alters,.. i don't think all the parts feel safe enough to do it
but i also loved the attitude of your alter, it does feel like even though they are being 'half assed,' they are telling you a lot about themselves and do want to share. maybe they are nervous to go too quickly. idk or it's just their nature.