Dissociation awareness?

Ashe (Host)

Can realizing you might have DID and being aware you dissociate make you dissociate more often or is it that I'm just noticing it more?

I've been co-con on and off with different alters which has been both fun and stressful. I'm going to start trying to keep a record, but it's hard for me to do because we have some trauma related to writing how we are feeling down. As an aspiring writer we tend to have a 'dramatic flair' to our writing and that can include exaggeration.

Also now that I am actively talking to my alters, I am consciously aware of how lonely we are. I'm fighting between being relieved that I'm not alone, and having this feeling of loneliness. We haven't had any close friends in many years, and it hasn't really bothered me. Could I be getting emotions off of a different alter?

yes to both questions.

if i'm dissociating in a situation where i need to stay more present, when i'm aware it's happening, it causes anxiety which then causes the dissociation to sometimes deepen because it's stressful.

it is possible to feel the emotions of another alter or to be influenced by them in behavior, thoughts, or emotions.

That makes sense >.<

I'm pretty good at avoiding stress, but there are always things I can't avoid. I'm also discovering that even though I may not be feeling stressed that sometimes I can be doing something that causes stress to the other alters.

Ashe42 wrote:Ashe (Host)

Can realizing you might have DID and being aware you dissociate make you dissociate more often or is it that I'm just noticing it more?

Both are possible and accurate for us at different times.

[quote="Ashe42"I've been co-con on and off with different alters which has been both fun and stressful. I'm going to start trying to keep a record, but it's hard for me to do because we have some trauma related to writing how we are feeling down. As an aspiring writer we tend to have a 'dramatic flair' to our writing and that can include exaggeration. [/quote]

Just try to be objective and write down the facts without embellishments. Try to think of it as an informational writing rather than a dramatic one.

[quote="Ashe42"Also now that I am actively talking to my alters, I am consciously aware of how lonely we are. I'm fighting between being relieved that I'm not alone, and having this feeling of loneliness. We haven't had any close friends in many years, and it hasn't really bothered me. Could I be getting emotions off of a different alter?[/quote]

Absolutely.
I've been told that when I get "overly emotional" my emotions "bleed" into the others and it causes a ripple effect through the system. On the opposite side, we have a part who can turn off her emotions, and when she "flat lines" she can send that through the system to help others calm down when they are overly stressed. The difference, she does it on purpose, and I can't help mine.

Ashe42 wrote:Can realizing you might have DID and being aware you dissociate make you dissociate more often or is it that I'm just noticing it more?

There is a saying that when you have dissociative disorder, things get worse before they get better. Meaning that, becoming aware of all that is going on, can be distressing. But you need to see what issues need to be addressed before you can get better.

Keeping a record of your progress, a list of things you are more and more aware of, the possible easy solutions you can try to ease them up, can be a good way to stay positive about it all.

Ashe42 wrote:I've been co-con on and off with different alters which has been both fun and stressful. I'm going to start trying to keep a record, but it's hard for me to do because we have some trauma related to writing how we are feeling down. As an aspiring writer we tend to have a 'dramatic flair' to our writing and that can include exaggeration.

Writing something down is better than writing nothing down.

I agree that becoming aware of everything that happens inside, and all the past hurt our many parts carry, can be distressing. There are exercise books to help people manage their everyday life in the middle of this chaos, such as "Coping with trauma related dissociation". If you have access to a therapist knowledgeable in trauma and dissociation, it can help a lot too.

Ashe42 wrote:Also now that I am actively talking to my alters, I am consciously aware of how lonely we are. I'm fighting between being relieved that I'm not alone, and having this feeling of loneliness. We haven't had any close friends in many years, and it hasn't really bothered me. Could I be getting emotions off of a different alter?

It is completely okay to have conflicted feelings about a situation. It even is a normal everyday life occurence. But it is unusual for dissociated persons because the dissociation is here to help keep things simple and easy to understand when conflicting feelings arise. Such as, each feeling being felt by a different alter.

Becoming aware of the many parts of you can make you more aware of the feelings they experience, that were previousely hidden from you. It is a sign of progress, to be more aware of the many emotions coexisting within the system. It takes a lot of time to be able to make sense of it all, but, baby steps. You cannot make sense of something that you do not see, after all.

Thank you so much! It feels nice to have people to talk to

It's been a hard couple of weeks for us. We've been trying to work on a routine for chores and such. It's been rough. I am the 'reliable' one of my family, so I'm the one that helps everyone out. Both of my parents have been on and off sick, and my grandma can't drive. Since coming to terms with the fact that I may have DID, it's like I'm noticing myself 'forgetting' things. I'm also aware of how bad stress actually does treat our body. It affects us days after the events that trigger us.

Before I thought I may have it, if you asked me do you remember going to the store I'd have said yes.
Now I would look back and go well, I remember aisle 1,2, and 3, but I don't remember any other aisle until the frozen section. It's like I am consciously aware of the black spots of 'I wasn't present for this, but I sort of was'. I am co-con a lot of the time, but I think sometimes when I think I'm in front, I may not be. It gets confusing.

Self Doubt is something a majority of the system struggles with. We tend to doubt everything we do. We doubt our writing skills. We doubt our ability to make choices, etc.

There is a nice exercise book to help people through the difficulties of everyday life, it is "Coping with trauma related dissociation". It can be found on Zlibrary if you do not have the budget to purchase it (new or used).

Ty! (Host: Ashe) here.

I'm trying to read it actually, but I keep losing my place or forgetting what I read >.<. I'm working on the first exercise since I remember it, but my head gets foggy on the next chapter. It's a slow work in progress.

It's common to dissociate / become foggy when you read about things you are not yet ready to work on. Focus on what you can do. If you need to skip a few chapters to go to the ones you are ready to work on, it's okay. Do the things in the order that is the one you can do. It's okay if you shuffle them around. Do what you can at the pace that is right for you.