Is this switching?

I'm fairly new to the idea that I may have either OSDD or DID, I meet all of the criteria in the DSM-V for DID except for the whole deal with having alters. That's the one I'm really confused about.

When I'm under stress I will sometimes "switch" (not sure that's what it is, but I have no better word for now). My mind just seems to shut off and "I" am gone but the next thing I know time has passed and I'm in a different place, usually driving away from whatever situation that stressed me to begin with. I have absolutely no memory of that period of time, only that something bad happened and I got away from it. I will also sometimes have the same thing happen, but the amnesia is only for a very short time, maybe a minute or so... my wife has called me out on that several times for stopping mid sentence and not finishing when I don't even remember talking.

What bugs me is that I really don't seem to have any sort of alter. I can look inside and find no traces of anything like one, no "headspace" or any of that stuff. My question is; what happens to me when I loose time? What takes over? I can walk, talk, drive and I always remember to grab my stuff when I leave, but I have absolutely no memories of anything at all. Could I have an alter that I'm simply not aware of or might this be something else entirely?

I'm not really looking for any sort of a definite answer, just a ideas or possibilities. And yes, I do have a severe trauma background, have been in therapy, do have a Dx (PTSD,MDD and anxiety disorder) and am starting with a new T this month. My new T isn't really trauma trained, so I'm not expecting much!

TLDR; Can you switch without an alter?

"Alter" means "alternating identities". One can have "dissociative parts" without them being proper "alters" per se.

You can be a host alter with too many inner walls to be able to contact the other parts of you yet. You can try leaving messages to the other parts of you (using a proper notebook for this, or writing letters to yourself, or using an app for this...).

You can have blackouts due to switches (making you unaware of the other parts of your system), or due to other dissociative issues making it temporarily impossible to fix the memories in your brain. Given the context it can also be dissociative fugues.

Do not hesitate to have a look at DID books such as "The haunted self" or "Healing the fragmented selves of trauma survivors" among others.
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The Mirror.

Why are you starting therapy with someone who is unlikely to be able to help you?? It’s clear you have some kind of serious dissociative disorder going on, whatever it is, and dissociative disorders require specialized experience that most therapists don’t have. Including most trauma therapists. Why see someone who isn’t even trained in treating trauma?

It's strange I was just thinking of coming to start a post to ask what is the definition of switching myself!

-- Sat Jan 01, 2022 9:05 pm --

ArbreMonde wrote:"Alter" means "alternating identities". One can have "dissociative parts" without them being proper "alters" per se.


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The Mirror.

Would these present differently in a person? ..what would be the difference?

According to the ISSTD Guidelines, only a small percentage of DID people present visible differences when they switch alters. The rest of the time, it is an inner feeling of "self" that changes depending on the dissociative part/s active at any given time.

This includes but is not limited to: the feeling of self, the inner ressources accessible, the memories accessible, the memories being understood as "it happened to ME", the range of emotions, the point of view upon the world, the likes and dislikes, the way one would describe oneself physically (without taking the body into account), one's gender identity, the name one identify with, and so on.

When the same feeling of "me" is shared by different parts with different names/appearances/reactions, it can be understood as a sub-system or an alter with different forms.

Switching is when the part controlling the body changes for another part with a different sense of self. Shifting (mostly used by otherkin/therian/fictionkin people) is when the identity changes but the sense of self is still the same (it's like mentally shapeshifting into something else without any change in consciousness of this still being the same "me" but with another shape).

It is a way to describe the subjective differences of fellings of strangeness / alienation from the different parts of the system. There is no "official definition" though because it is all very subjective, it all is the same phenomenon at the root (dissociation) and does not change the therapy process either. If you prefer it is a way to try to put words on different areas and experiences of the dissociative spectrum.

There are other people who use different words to label different types of inner organization of the system, but once again, it is interesting to observe these differences, but it is not really pertinent from a therapeutic point of view because the treatment will still be the same: stabilization, trauma integration and learning to keep the life "on tracks" after that.
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Daniel & The Mirror.

TheGangsAllHere wrote:Why are you starting therapy with someone who is unlikely to be able to help you?? It’s clear you have some kind of serious dissociative disorder going on, whatever it is, and dissociative disorders require specialized experience that most therapists don’t have. Including most trauma therapists. Why see someone who isn’t even trained in treating trauma?

There are only a handful of trauma aware therapists within an hour of my location. Of the ones I could get into contact with only two were accepting new clients and they both had 6+ month wait lists.
The T that I am going to see is at least trained in IFS, which seems to me to be a better choice than the talk therapy, CBT and even EMDR that almost all the rest I've found are limited to.

Your phasing gives me the idea that you think it's best not to see any therapist at all unless they have the hard to find skill set you think is needed. While I agree that it would be great to find someone with the exact qualifications, if you can't then you take what you can get. I am not afraid to walk out of a session if I feel they are unethical or heading in a direction I feel would be damaging.

My memories of what I see as 'my life' is that the outside world triggered the need to be 'someone else'. ..so it happened throughout school, college, work etc.

Social media also triggered that reaction ...so again social pressures.

Since becoming housebound through disability and shielding throughout the pandemic there has been no demands to go anywhere or do anything. Maybe that is why I have not switched? There is no 'pressure to perform' to different people who knew me from different parts of my life as haven't been able to get out to safely socialise, neither was it safe for them to come here.

I think the stroke changed my brain.

dissociation is on a spectrum. you might be dealing with dissociative amnesia and not have DID or alters. it's still important to get proper treatment no matter what it is so you can learn how to manage it.

Purplesky, the core component of dissociation and DID is NOT the presence of different identities despite the fact that the media focuses on this point. The core components of dissociation and DID are:

marked discontinuity in sense of self and/or agency, accompanied by changes in affect, behavior, consciousness, memory, perception, cognition, and/or sensory-motor functioning. In addition, the person experiences dissociative amnesia (DA), a disruption in autobiographical memory that includes gaps or difficulties in recall of everyday events, important personal information, and/or traumatic events

From what I understand there is no need to notice/be aware of identity differences to check the "discontinuity" parameter. Moreover, OSDD systems and some DID ones can have many "versions" of the same identity rather than very different alters, and still experience the issues with the discontinuity of the self and agency.

The discontinuity is the core of the issue. The identities/alters are in what I understand of it, a mere "bonus" for the brain to manage the different dissociated parts.
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Daniel.

ArbreMonde wrote:Purplesky, the core component of dissociation and DID is NOT the presence of different identities despite the fact that the media focuses on this point. The core components of dissociation and DID are:

marked discontinuity in sense of self and/or agency, accompanied by changes in affect, behavior, consciousness, memory, perception, cognition, and/or sensory-motor functioning. In addition, the person experiences dissociative amnesia (DA), a disruption in autobiographical memory that includes gaps or difficulties in recall of everyday events, important personal information, and/or traumatic events

From what I understand there is no need to notice/be aware of identity differences to check the "discontinuity" parameter. Moreover, OSDD systems and some DID ones can have many "versions" of the same identity rather than very different alters, and still experience the issues with the discontinuity of the self and agency.

The discontinuity is the core of the issue. The identities/alters are in what I understand of it, a mere "bonus" for the brain to manage the different dissociated parts.
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Daniel.

yes, but that is what DID is, dissociated identities. without alters, it would just be a general dissociative disorder. DID is also stated to have the presence of two or more identity states that can (and do) take control of the body. there may or may not be time loss between alters (usually this is worked on in therapy or naturally can occur), but there still can be memory disruption even if it's for past memories.

i agree that a person doesn't have to be aware of alters to have them, but to be classified as DID, alters still do need to exist. there are many people who have no awareness of alters until later in life.

you can have time and memory loss without an alter taking over. that's why there is a spectrum that describes some of the ways it can be experienced.

i personally experience a lot of different types of dissociation that aren't all related to DID. it can get confusing to know what is part of what.