"clues" before discovering the hidden alters?

I don't know if its schizophrenia or this.
Experiencing black outs, dissociation, depersonalization, and voices.
- I was arguing with a voice before losing control of the car. I didn't feel as if i was the one pressing the gas.
- Voices are talking to one another, talking about me, mentioning what i am doing, what i should say, or random general things, no child voices, that i've noticed.
- I found a shirt cut up,but no memory of doing it. Tho, i was thinking about doing it. Even became angry that someone would come into my room and do such a thing, but, of course, no one did that.

What are some things you experienced before find alters? This would really help me out alot.
Is there anything that should be looked for? or any way to connect with them? I'm tired of being confused.

Much appreciated.

Are the voices internal or external? That is the BIG difference between DID and schizophrenia. Not that people with schizophrenia can't hear voices internally as well, but people with DID don't typically experience audible hallucinations.

We have ALWAYS argued with each other in our head lol. Do it constantly. We talk a lot of $#%^ to each other, actually. We're some abusive pricks to each other and we need that.

There are "persecutor" alters who will criticize everything you think, say and do, and then there are also the ones who will throw tantrums and sabotage things.

It is actually how we find out we had DID. We kept writing things we couldn't remember writing. Left Facebook bcuz of it and went to another site and they thought it was their personal playground and it started all over again. It was really embarrassing sometimes.

When we discovered we were actually separate, we "broke apart," and paced a 6ft area of the floor for like 4 hrs bcuz we couldn't remember where we were going. We also couldn't see bcuz we had thousands of people looking out of our eyeballs at the same time. It was horrible and traumatic. Thought we were going crazy.

Afterward, we began talking to each other and had to pick names to keep us straight. Then we would have an agenda for the day, and someone would say "f* that, it's my night now b*tches." And would literally hijack our entire night and screw us all over. One of us hid our clients paperwork on us in the ATT bag next to the garbage from our new phone. They would get drunk and break a glass and leave the mess and say f*ck us. It was bad.

What got us all on the same page and cooperating is a nightmare we had where we met a 9 yr old little. Liz almost ran directly into her turning the corner and they scared the $#%^ out of each other. We watched her being chased around and terrified by our grandmother, and we realized our Littles are trapped in the memories being chased around by their abusers. So we united to go down the rabbit hole to save the kids, bcuz none of us are going to leave them down there suffering so that we don't have to remember.

Until then, we only knew of Ashley (14) and Skye (11). We were wondering where all the children were. Since then, we've found 3 more. 2 happy toddlers who are happy with their grandpas, and one who had saved our life but is still apparently 6 yrs old. She's not had much time with us in the world to have matured too much. She just loves nature with us and accompanies us on our walks and always has.

We all have a song that is our song. So, we loop our songs to try to stay in, but that doesn't always work, but we can pull a self out with their song. We are still finding our selves bcuz we have thousands. So what we're doing now, is going through all our Pandora stations, and when a self doesn't know their name, then we know they're new. But we also "blend" and share the front, so we don't feel quite ourself at those times. Like I'm Blair, I'm new, I just popped in on this song while they're writing this and picked a name. But if we blend, I'd feel Blair-ish. That's how it works for us.

One thing to know is that every system is different. It does sound like you have DID to me, but I am not someone who can diagnose anyone and can't make that sort of suggestion over the internet bcuz it is extremely unethical even if I were a psychologist.

You don't require a diagnosis to be treated for DID and enter therapy. They will know. You either have it or you don't. I hope that helps.

Mary & others

One thing which has also helped is making introduction videos for selves while we're listening to our songs so that all selves can know where we are and what we're like. We also are mapping each other through our systems, bcuz we have 4 systems. Out of the 250 or so we've named, 71 have been mapped thus far. Everyone kinda can tell by their personality traits, which system they're in and what host or subhost's subsystem they're in. It's helping, but we're also starting to dissociate more while doing this. Especially bcuz now everyone is coming out of the woodwork to join us in this project. They know to try to drag out their host or subhost for us so we can map them, if their host is unknown.

my experience wasn't the classic presentation of DID. i've always been aware of several, but i did not know what was happening to name it, even as i got older and was able to find more about the dissociative disorder spectrum.

for me, the dissociation in general was the biggest indicator. as i became more aware and got older, i was able to sense them more since they didn't all talk verbally internally. they have different ways of communicating. verbally now is the less common way.

when they take over, i get pushed into different places or sometimes blend with them. i can have no control or mixed. they can control my body or control things more inside, thoughts, images, emotions, etc. i also have OCD traits, so some of that overlaps at times with things that come from an alter.

it took me years to understand more. once i was diagnosed, it allowed me to look at things more in depth and learn how to be less afraid. i would never have been able to get as far as i have without professional help. some people might be able to, but it's difficult because DID is trauma based, so there isn't just DID to learn about and get to a point to manage things better, there are also the trauma symptoms that go with it and possibly other diagnoses.

i would suggest journaling. that has helped me over the years to see patterns to things and see what has stayed consistent and what has changed. i do not ever think immediately that something is an alter and only understand one is when/if it has remained consistent over time, and then i am able to sense who it is in the future. there are some i still don't know a lot about though, and it has been many years of learning.

if you have DID, take it slow. don't rush it. not everything will necessarily be an alter either.

from the limited knowledge i have on schizophrenia and similar things, in DID there are no thoughts about being a god or paranoia like the government is controlling you, etc. those are common types of thoughts in schizophrenia or schizoaffective disorder as well as sometimes hearing and/or seeing things externally that others don't see or hear, walls or trees whispering, thinking you can read people's thoughts or communicate with spirits, etc.

if you can get professional help, a trauma therapist would be a good start.

Purplesky wrote:in DID there are no thoughts about being a god or paranoia like the government is controlling you, etc.

That is not true. There are fictive and demonic alters, so yes, you can have alters that believe themselves to be a God or demon or person from history or a movie or TV show. That is simply ENTIRELY inaccurate.

@Elme It is important for you to do research into this condition yourself, and also to contact a psychologist who specializes in dissociative disorders specifically. Trauma therapists can be helpful, but it is important to understand that this condition is controversial and that many therapists either do not believe in the condition, or have no idea how to treat you or communicate with you, and can potentially cause you psychological damage. It is also important for you to be aware that not all specialists share the same school of thought regarding the condition and its treatment either. And if a therapist is not right for you, or does not give you the empowerment and control of your own treatment, then find another.

There are some wonderful educational YouTube videos available from research centers and conferences given by other people with DID to educate professionals. I find them highly valuable, and you likely will as well. Being a system(s) that had spent a lifetime misdiagnosed, and years of psychotropic medications that did nothing but cause damage to our brain, I suggest you seek out a specialist. There is a reason some people need therapy and some are better off on their own. You need to find what works for you, but you should definitely consult them to find out what is going on, and then make the decision to do therapy or not, based on what is right for you.

Just as no two humans are the same, no two systems are the same. It is helpful to discuss things with others, but take what is helpful and leave the rest. That is my best advice. If anybody had it all figured out, they'd have no need for this forum and would likely be practicing psychology themselves and spreading that good around the world. Keep in mind, we are all on our journey. Take it at your own pace. If you can move fast, move fast. If you need to take it slow, take it slow. There is no handbook on managing YOU. You write that tale, you are the author of your handbook; this is YOUR journey through whatever you are going through, and NOT anyone else's. Do whatever you feel and think is appropriate in that context.

Journaling is a good idea. Why I suggest the vlogs, is because it will allow you to see facial expressions, body language, posture, and hear tonality, patterns of speech and possible differentiation of voice. Those are symptoms of DID, not schizophrenia. Just because an alter isn't out often, does not mean they are not an alter. That is not how DID works and I don't know why someone with such limited knowledge of schizophrenia would suggest otherwise. That last comment is just riddled with inaccurate statements that are clearly that person's opinion of facts.

I have been in psychiatric treatment since I was 5, took psychology and abnormal psychology in college; I am not ignorant to these conditions. I am no specialist or doctor. I can only advise, but I am not here to attempt to educate you and diagnose you or mislead you, as I've stated.

I hope all works out well. Definitely get yourself in to see a specialist and get yourself some peace of mind. I hope our comments have been helpful and offered insight. Take and leave what you must.

Doc

-- Mon Dec 27, 2021 11:14 pm --

Oh, and we should definitely mention that it is possible for some alters to have other mental/physical illnesses, and others to not. Keep this in mind.

Foxy

The best place to get a differential diagnosis is, the office of a therapist trained to do the differential diagnosis.

Nobody can diagnose you through a forum post on Internet. Moreover, the addition of a few mental health issues (schizophrenia + light dissociation + a little trauma, as an example) can be very similar to another mental health issue (heavy dissociation with a lot of trauma, as an example). Only a trained professional can help you untangle it all.

I really advise you to seek a differential diagnosis. Schyzophrenia and DID require very different treatments, and using the treatment of the one to treat the other can sometimes make the situation worse. It is important to find the proper treatment.

Especially when you have depersonnalization issues to the point that you loose part of your control while driving. This is dangerous for your life and the one of others. Please seek a trained professional for the differential diagnosis.
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Daniel.

That is so very very true. Antipsychotics, mood stabilizers, antidepressants and so on, made us worse bcuz we did not have the conditions we were diagnosed with. Inversely, not treating mental health conditions that require medication, can also be dangerous and damaging. For your health, wellness and safety, and the safety of others, it is very important you seek a professional trained to differentiate between various conditions.

CognitionIgnition wrote:Journaling is a good idea. Why I suggest the vlogs, is because it will allow you to see facial expressions, body language, posture, and hear tonality, patterns of speech and possible differentiation of voice. Those are symptoms of DID, not schizophrenia. Just because an alter isn't out often, does not mean they are not an alter. That is not how DID works and I don't know why someone with such limited knowledge of schizophrenia would suggest otherwise. That last comment is just riddled with inaccurate statements that are clearly that person's opinion of facts.

i think you misunderstand what i was saying. DID and schizophrenia are two different disorders with very different symptoms. i was only giving some examples of what someone with schizophrenia MIGHT experience based on the people with schizophrenia i have known in person, not just my 'opinion of facts.' actually, i'm not sure what you were interpreting my comment as other than 'inaccurate.' perhaps you should not assume though.

CognitionIgnition wrote:That is not true. There are fictive and demonic alters, so yes, you can have alters that believe themselves to be a God or demon or person from history or a movie or TV show. That is simply ENTIRELY inaccurate.

yes, but that's not what i am talking about. an alter thinking that they are isn't the same as someone with schizophrenia. there is usually an underlying reason why an alter would think they are one of those things, and it's usually as a way of protection. they are two completely different things.

I agree with you, Purplesky.

"Dissociative psychosis" is rooted into trauma and its symbolizing. Heal the trauma, anchor the part into the here and now, and the "dissociative psychosis" stops. While schizophrenia has organic origins, needs to be treated with meds (meds that makes dissociative issues worse btw) and becomes worse if you try to talk to the voices or bring them into the here and now.

It can look similar to the untrained eye -hence why a trained specialist is needed to make the difference between the two- but the underlying causes and treatment are very different.
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The Mirror.

ArbreMonde wrote:I agree with you, Purplesky.

"Dissociative psychosis" is rooted into trauma and its symbolizing. Heal the trauma, anchor the part into the here and now, and the "dissociative psychosis" stops. While schizophrenia has organic origins, needs to be treated with meds (meds that makes dissociative issues worse btw) and becomes worse if you try to talk to the voices or bring them into the here and now.

It can look similar to the untrained eye -hence why a trained specialist is needed to make the difference between the two- but the underlying causes and treatment are very different.
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The Mirror.

yeah. before i was diagnosed, my medical doctor was thinking i was developing a thought disorder and wanted to try me on lithium. this was when i was under 18 and had already tried several types of meds that didn't help.

i was lucky to get a great psychiatrist after that and have things seen for what they were, not misdiagnosed/under diagnosed, and not pushed to try meds like so many others had. i didn't know what was going on and never knew i had DID. the information was also very limited back then.

when i was quite young, looking back, i definitely had a mix of things that were from alters, but also delusions due to the stress of trauma and OCD traits that overlapped with it all. with the help of the right professional, i was able to better understand what was what. i never fully figured some of those things out until the last few years and have been diagnosed since the early 2000s.

i really thought i was just psychotic and at some times (due to CPTSD symptoms-sleep deprivation from insomnia, hypervigilance and paranoia, anxiety/panic, etc.) did experience hallucinations, hearing things externally, and delusions that were not part of DID, so that is a whole other type of psychosis that can happen but not be related to schizophrenia or DID. then you also have dissociation as a subtype of PTSD for some, so yes, seeing the right professional to help someone sort through it all is very important since a lot of things can overlap.